Christmas Carol

Date sent:        Wed, 25 Dec 1996 01:24:43 -0500 (EST)
From:             Joey Markham ([email protected])
To:               [email protected]
Subject:          REVIEW: "Christmas Carol" 


Ho! Ho! Ho!  Merry Christmas, everybody!  Look at what Santa has stuffed in 
the stocking this time around.  Hmm.. that must have been one glass of sour
milk and a plate of stale cookies waiting there for him to deserve this kind
of holiday treat!


CHRISTMAS CAROL
director: C. Everette Smythe.   Las Vegas, 1994.
Introducing and starring Diva.  With Heather Lee, Ariel Daye, Devon Shire,
 Debi Diamond, Tony Martino, Steve Drake, Alex Sanders.
running time: 69 minutes.

- Heather Lee, Ariel Daye, Steve Drake
- Diva, Devon Shire
- Debi Diamond (anal), Alex Sanders
- Diva, Tony Martino



It's around Christmas time (one or two days before).  Over at work, head 
honcho Carol (Diva) calls two workers (Heather Lee, Ariel Daye) into her 
office.  She asks them about some current accounts they're working on and
tells them they both do fine work.  But soon she'll be making some changes
to their schedules.  "Changes?" asks Ariel.  "What kind of changes?"  Carol
replies, "Well, let's just say that your holiday period?  Your Christmas
vacation?  You're off for the rest of your lives!"  "We're... fired?" Ariel
asks.  "I thought you said we did fine work!"  "You DO!  You both do very
fine work!" she says but explains that she's had to find some cost-effective
ways to run her company and consolidate things so she put everyone's names
in a hat and ended up picking both of theirs.  "I think that's fair," she
adds.  "Fair?!" exclaims Ariel.  "It's Christmas!  Um.. couldn't you wait
until after Christmas?"  Carol apologizes but tells them they're both bright,
young and intelligent and that they'll find something else.  "Do we even get
severance pay or anything?" asks Ariel.  "No, you don't get severance pay!
Would you like me to tuck you girls in at night too??"  Heather says, "You're
a cruel, heartless woman."  Carol tells her, "Flattery won't get your job
back, sweetheart."  Both women leave her office.

Later on, over at someone's house.  Ariel, Heather and Heather's boyfriend
(Steve Drake) are sitting around in a living room, depressed.  Steve (another
in the list of employees that Carol fired) figures he can just forget about 
getting a vcr for his mom and he'll be lucky if he can even make rent for the 
month.  He tells the girls there's no use crying over it, what's done is 
done.  They'll just have to go out there and find other jobs.  In fact, he 
already lined up a part-time job as a shopping mall Santa.  Ariel laughs 
about it, but it's really their martinis kicking in.  She looks above Heather
and Steve and says, "Hey, you know.. I just noticed.  I think you guys are 
under the mistletoe!"  Steve looks up.  "So we are," he says.  Following the
Christmas tradition, Heather kisses Steve.  Ariel ends up joining in on their
fun.

- Things start off quite slow.  Once you get through the head-giving (at 
least they're in the spirit of 'giving'! :-) Steve asks, "Who wants to get
fucked first?"  Ariel squeals, "Me, Santa!  Me, Santa!"  So he tells Heather
to let Ariel eat her pussy while he fucks her, then they'll switch.  Ariel
is a pale-skinned redhead with small natural breasts and Heather has her 
smaller set of implants here and brown frizzy hair (looking hot).  After 
Ariel receives her 'stocking stuffer' from Steve, he goes on to fuck Heather
with Ariel's face close by so he can alternate between fucking and getting
sucked.  He gets one more blowjob from Heather before cumming in her mouth 
which she spits out, then he says while catching his breath, "I think I've
got some new work for you girls."  They smile.  This isn't one of the hottest
sex scenes you'll ever see.  It's ok, but mostly forgettable.

Later that night.  Carol's about ready to go to sleep but tells herself what
crybabies Heather and Ariel are, acting like they've never been fired before
(well, maybe they weren't?).  She mimics them: "It's Christmas!  You can't
fire us on Christmas!"  Carol says "screw Christmas" and goes to sleep.
Moments later, a man (Tony Martino) walks into the room.  "Carol?" he asks,
waking her up.  She sits up and asks, "Who the hell are you?"  He introduces
himself as Johnny Angel, the ghost of Christmas past, present and future and
he's going to show her a few things.  She says, "Get the hell outta here you
creep before I call the cops!"  "I don't think you fully understand," he 
tells her.  "I'm gonna take you on a little trip."  "You'd better get out
of here now before I take your nuts and wrap them around your ears!" (whoa..
I hope I never get on HER bad side!).  He puts his hand over her eyes and
she says, "What are you doing?  Get your filthy hands off of me!"  She 
doesn't even fight him off as she speaks.  Anyhow, her trip to the past 
begins and Johnny asks her if she remembers Jennifer Hall (Devon Shire), one 
of the girls she fired on Christmas long ago.  "Yeah, she was a hot one," 
Carol remembers but says she was as incompetent as a lapdog.  Johnny says 
he'd like her to watch herself in action and relive the experience to see if
she learned anything.

Back to 1990.  Jennifer is in Carol's office.  "But Carol..." she says.  
"It's Christmas!  Don't you have a heart?"  "My heart works fine!  Too bad
you don't!" is her reply.  Jennifer begs Carol not to fire her and wonders
if there's anything she can do to change her mind.  "As a matter of fact...
there is!"  "Anything!  I cannot let my family down for Christmas."  "Then
don't let ME down," Carol says as she gets up from her chair and kisses 
Jennifer.

- The usual g/g stuff happens except that it's all from Diva to Devon.  Devon
remains on the receiving end the whole time as she gets licked (both pussy
and ass) then fucked with a vibrator.  She is quite vocal and Diva looks well
into pleasing her but the screen occasionally blackens out.  Very annoying.

"How do you feel?" Johnny asks Carol.  "I feel a little turned on," she 
smiles.  "She was great, wasn't she?"  But he tells her that when Jennifer
went home, she had to tell her two kids that Santa wasn't coming that year.
"I didn't know Jennifer had kids," Carol says.  He asks her if she knew 
Jennifer promised her crippled brother a wheelchair for Christmas and says
her entire family spent Christmas morning at the Salvation Army.  He also
mentions that Jennifer now makes minimum wage flipping burgers because she
doesn't have the courage to find a better job.  So now Johnny decides to 
take Carol on another trip and as he puts his hand over her eyes again, she
says no but ends up under his spell again.  We now see the future: Carol's
maid Robin (Debi Diamond) is on her couch with some guy (Alex Sanders).  
"Who's that man with my maid?" asks Carol.  Johnny says that's going to be
her future husband, Stewart Anderson.  They'll marry in 1995 but two years
later, she'll completely drive him out of her life.  She asks what he's 
doing with Robin.  Johnny explains that shortly after their marriage, he and
Robin began having an affair.  He was shocked by the way Carol treated her
and it was then that he finally began to see Carol as the heartless woman
that she is.  "What happened to me?" she asks.  Johnny explains how she and
Stewart will end up getting a divorce and he receives the house after their
court settlement and will eventually marry Robin.

We see the scenario played out.  "Oh Robin, you make me so happy.  You're
the exact opposite of Carol," he says.  "Thankfully, most people are already
the exact opposite of Carol," she smiles.  They talk a bit more about Carol 
but he tells her they should just stick to thinking about their future 
together.  Reading eachother's minds about their present time, they start to 
kiss and make love.

- Holidays or not, Debi Diamond always has the spirit.  She and Alex make
for a blistering scene that just doesn't seem to fit into this 'more dull 
than not' offering.  Just as he licks her pussy, she climbs over the couch
and eventually slides off it from being driven wild.  Then Alex climbs over 
and one half of the two-piece couch tumbles over but they continue with the 
scene.  They only do a doggie with eventual anal penetration (and the camera
only uses two different angles to capture it).  Alex pulls out and cums all
over her ass and she smears it around and finger fucks herself.  Maybe this
movie should've been titled "Delectable Debi"!

"Are you beginning to see the error of your ways?" Johnny asks.  "Are you 
beginning to see what Christmas really means?  Are you beginning to see it's
the only time of the year you can do something that really matters?"  "I 
thought Christmas was just a season, a sentimental season, for.. you know,
everyone to take a week off work?"  He reminds her that she's fired a total
of eighteen people throughout the Christmas years and she realizes that she
got carried away while she was trying to save money by consolidating the 
office work.  "Well," he says.  "You know what you have to do."  "Yes.  Yes,
I do."  She phones someone at work and asks them to call back everyone on
the list of fired employees and re-hire them, doubling their salaries.  When
she hangs up, she discovers Johnny Angel is gone (does that mean his job is
done?  Not quite.  Even an angel has a 'horny little devil' side that you 
will soon find out about :-).

The next day.  Carol is visited by Steve in her office.  He wants to know 
why she had to call him all the way over there while he was doing his Santa
Claus gig at the local mall.  "I'm giving you your job back at double the 
salary!" she cheers.  "You're what??" he asks.  She says, "You and all the 
others.  No one should be unemployed at Christmas!  I don't want my future 
husband to have an affair with my maid!"  "Excuse me??" he asks.  She shakes 
her head and says, "Nevermind.  Don't worry about it.  You just have a merry 
Christmas."  He's all excited and thanks her graciously then leaves her 
office beaming with joy.  She goes on the phone and calls somebody up and 
tells that person to find Paula, Sharon (Heather and Ariel, or vice versa, 
I take it) and everyone else she fired.  She smiles, "It's gonna be a merry 
Christmas after all!"

At home.  Carol's standing in front of her christmas tree wearing a bra, 
garter belt and nylons (how cozy looking! :-).  Johnny Angel suddenly 
appears before her.  "I'm very proud of you, Carol," he says.  "Your future 
looks very bright indeed!"  "Johnny!  I'm so surprised!  I thought I was 
never gonna see you again!"  He says, "Surprise!  Merry Christmas!"  She 
says everyone was so happy when she gave them the news.  She even tracked 
down Jennifer and will make sure that from now on she and her family never 
have to go to the Salvation Army again.  "I know that you know that Christmas
only comes once a year," he tells her.  "And the feeling of giving goes on 
forever."  "I'd love to give you a token of my appreciation," she says.
"What's that?" he asks.  "It's ME!" she cheers.  "Ah," he says.  "I'm way
ahead of you!"  Then he opens his robe to reveal a little gift wrapping 
around his dick.  She looks down and asks if that's for her.  He says it is
because she's been such a good girl.  Carol just loves her present and uses
it right away.

- Diva starts with giving Tony a blowjob, then he eats her out.  Once the
slow-moving stuff is over with, they mish it up and then do it doggie style.
Diva has the energy and is a bit of a dirty talker, but she's no Debi 
Diamond (well, not all that many pornstars have Debi's insatiable appetite 
anyways).  A bit of looping occurs (sigh) but then Tony blasts a Peter North-
like cumshot all over Diva's face.  She enjoys it well enough.

"Tis the season to be horny," he moans.  "Tis the season to be horny," she
repeats.  The end.

One of the very few porno movies that actually have a holiday theme, this
video doesn't deliver well enough in the sex department as it does with the
plot.  Since Christmas only comes around once a year, does that make a rental
of "Christmas Carol" worth it?  Well, only Debi's scene will be music to your 
ears.  But if you must keep up with traditional, then go ahead.  At any rate,
a Merry Christmas to all!  "Ho! Ho! Ho!" (actually, it's more like "Ho-Hum,
Ho-Hum, Ho-Hum").


Joey Markham
[email protected]