The Tongue

From: Jamal Dunbar <[email protected]>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.erotica
Subject: Dunbar Reviews: The Tongue
Date: Wed, 21 May 97 01:22:50
Organization: Teleport - Portland's Public Access (503) 220-1016

# The Tongue
c 2.45 8/95 OGV, Wes Emerson
a Martin Brimmer (w), Al Goldstein (xp)
a Barry Wood (dp), Ryan Scott (e)
. Lana Sands, Bobby Vitale {p.M|D;e.Br}
. Kirsty Waay, Melissa Hill
. Jordan Lee {p.D|D;s.Dp.e.F|F}, T.T. Boy, Marc Wallice
. Melissa Hill, T.T. Boy
. Kirsty Waay, Marc Wallice
z Anthony Crane, Ron Jeremy, Al Goldstein
> Tiffany Mynx credited on box cover, but does not appear in video

The video starts with Al Goldstein insulting the viewer, impugning our
intelligence and the size of our dicks.  Going on about how we'll never get
close to the kind of women that are this video that he fucks all the time.
How we aren't worthy of the find product that follows, but that he wants
our money anyway.  What the hell was that all about?  Insulting your
customers doesn't seem like good business.

The video stars Ron Jeremy as a would-be director who wants to make a
really bad horror movie as a tribute to great bad films of the past.  He
demands that writer's Sands and Vitale come with a great idea for a script
while he steps out for lunch at Joe's Mortuary, Laundromat, and Bar and
Grill.

The writer's are blocked, so they decide to get the creative juices
flowing with a little sex play.  Sands looks great here.  The best
I've ever seen her.  Unfortunately, there's only one extended full-body
shot of her in the missionary, and a too-brief full-body doggie shot
before Vitale pops on her petite brown tits.

A delivery man arrives with a box for the Ace Novelty company next
door.  They're all out to lunch, so Sands takes the delivery instead.
(No she doesn't do the the delivery guy).  She accidently drops and
box and out falls a dozen very noisy vibrating tongue devices.
Eureka!  They have the idea for their horror script: alien invaders
from outer space in the form of disembodied tongues!

Next an actress from the film (Kirsty Way) and the make-up girl
(Melissa Hill) get busy in the dressing room.  I like Kirsty enough
to actually watch some of this.  She looks great leaning back in the
make chair with her legs in the air getting her pussy eaten.  Melissa
Hill is not too shabby either.

Unfortunately, there's no market for really bad horror movies (there's
already a glut).  So the make-up girl introduces Ron to a porno
producer.  And he begins a stellar career.

Ron's first porn shoot features Jordan Lee, T.T. Boy and Mark Wallace.
Is there any movie that Jordan appears in which she doesn't get DP'd.
I'm not into Jordan, and I'm not into DP's.  The camera work and editing
are mostly cable-ready, so there's not much to recommend here.

In next scene, the actress hired for the scene fails to show.  So the
make-up girl, Melissa Hill, graciously fills in.  And what a job she does!
This is definitely the best scene in the video, the center piece of which
is a long missionary sequence which ends with an OK facial.  Melissa is
pretty and quite an impressive performer.  I definitely want to see moreof
this woman.

The last scene is a complete dud, despite the fact it features the
delicious Kirsty Waay.  It's ruined by near complete absence of any
explicit full-body shots.

PROS AND CONS

The video quality is excellent.  The action is well-lit.  The images are
sharp and crystal clear.  The colour is rich and vibrant.  (This really
should be the technical standard of all videos, and I don't understand why
it isn't.).  Now if they could only learn what to point the camera at
and dump the cable-ready editing.

Also the plus side, Ron never takes his clothes off.

CONCLUSION:

A marginal thumbs down.  Although, the few quality moments we spend
with Melissa Hill almost make this worth a rental.


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