Singles Holiday

Date sent:        Sat, 30 Nov 1996 01:19:32 -0500 (EST)
From:             Joey Markham 
To:               [email protected]
Subject:          REVIEW: "Singles Holiday"




This was the very first Australian porno feature I've ever seen, thus being
introduced to the lovely Aussie ladies for the first time (minus Kelly Blue).
I must really love these Aussie ladies, wanting to see as many videos that 
feature them as I can, because this video was really, really lame.  It does 
have some terrific scenery which is pleasing to the eye (and different for a 
porno movie to be shot outdoors) and the whole look of it seems couples-
oriented but there is so much footage that just does not need to be here it 
can almost pass itself off as a documentary of the Australian outback (this
movie was nicely edited by a.s.m.'s and r.a.m.e.'s own S. Andrew Roberts who
just wasn't given that much to work with apart from the sex scenes).  A very
attractive box cover of Sunny McKay posing with Randy Spears standing behind 
her lured me in.  In the photo Sunny has curly hair and in the video she has 
completely straight hair which was kept in a ponytail the whole time.  A 
tactic used to lure in rentals as usual, you'll find it better just staring 
at the box than sitting through the running time of this movie.


SINGLES HOLIDAY
director: John T. Bone.   Parliament, 1990.
cast: Sunny McKay, Alice Springs, Aja, Nioka, Karen Barker, Jasmine Rhodes,
  Randy Spears, Tom Byron.
[appearing in non-sex roles]: Mel Bourne, Jackie Bushkin, others.
running time: 82 minutes.
 
- Karen Barker, Tom Byron
- Sunny McKay, Randy Spears
- Aja, Nioka
- Alice Springs, Randy Spears
- Nioka, Tom Byron
- Jasmine Rhodes, Randy Spears


During the opening credits (which was tastefully put together with nice music) 
we see clips of rivers and a forest.  Gibson (Randy Spears) is riding along on
horseback and three girls - Nancy (Sunny McKay), Jean (Jasmine Rhodes) and 
Karen (Karen Barker - who didn't have a name here so I'll just use her first 
name) are wading in the cool, though not clear-blue (because of poor video 
quality most likely), waters.  They're splashing around and we hear narration 
from two of the girls.  Karen's talking as if writing in her diary and Nancy's
talking as if writing to her sister.  Karen says she's three days into her 
holiday trip with Singles International and that she hasn't met any eligible 
men yet but she probably will up at the main camp.  Nancy's glad her sister 
talked her into going on this trip and that she's having a great time so far.
They're on their way to the main camp and she's looking forward to it but she 
already has a crush on Gibson, one of their leaders.  He's an American but not
her type, she says.  She'd love to have a fling with him because she finds him
handsome (little do the three girls know that he's been videotaping them with 
Jean's video camera).  Gibson gets off the horse and startles them, returning 
Jean's camera.  In another part of the forest, Victoria (Nioka) and Brian (Tom
Byron) are fooling around.  Gibson gallops on by them and tells them it's 
almost time for them to head out.  So everyone gathers in one place and prepare
to depart (they use trucks, jeeps and horses).  In narration again, Karen says
that most of the people are pretty nice but there's one bitch in the group - 
Victoria.  She also introduces us to another leader of the group, Harley 
(Jackie Bushkin), and Heather Stone (Alice Springs), a journalist writing a 
magazine series on singles' activities.
  
So they hit the dirt roads.  Like I said, we are treated to some very nice
scenery of the Australian outback.  For now, all we see are clips of the group
as they travel along slowly.  But this is porn, not some travelogue.  So grab
your remote and press on the presumably worn out fast-forward button.  

They make another pitstop.  Victoria goes for a walk in the woods and Brian
follows her.  Karen notices them take off, so she follows them as well.  Brian
catches up with Victoria (he suddenly has a blanket with him) but she tells him
to back off and that he's pushing too hard.  She continues walking and he sets
down the blanket, relaxing.  "What's wrong with me?" he asks himself and goes 
on about himself, with conceit.  Karen approaches him and tells him he has a
nice face.  "The curse of my life is that I'm so handsome," he tells her.  "Do
you know what it's like having to go through life looking like this?  Sometimes
the thing I need most is a shoulder to cry on."  Sitting down next to him, she
says "I have a shoulder."  "Yes," he notices as he moves closer to her.  "And
a pretty one, too!"  They kiss.

- Tom Byron wears a mirror on a string around his neck and occasionally looks
into it during the scene.  Karen Barker looks a little bit like Alice Springs
with practically the same hairdo.  There's a lot of kissing here and after they
undress, she blows him, they do a mish then roll over for a cowgirl and end it
with a doggie.  Tom pulls out and cums all over her backside (actually, it may
have been lack of light or something because it doesn't even look like he came
at all).  The trees and water flowing in the background provide great scenery
but this really isn't a good scene.

It's back on the road for our group of horny singles.  Writing in her diary
again, we hear Karen's voice say "Well, I'm glad I got that out of my system.
Brian's a good lay but he's awfully stuck on himself."  Making another stop,
they set up tents to prepare for their night's stay.  "Hey Jean," Gibson asks 
her, sitting on his horse.  "Do you want to see something beautiful?"  "Maybe
later," she tells him and disinterestedly walks off.  "If you want some company
I'll come along," says Nancy and Gibson accepts her self-invitation (I know I
would! :-).  So Harley helps Nancy on the horse and she and Gibson gallop off
slowly.  Harley goes back to Heather and she starts asking him questions about
this whole excursion.  He tells her it's best that she interview Melanie 
Malloy (Aja), the woman who heads the rest of the camp - where their final
destination is.  After some more failed attempts of Brian chasing after 
Victoria, we cut to Nancy and Gibson making a stop in a place nobody else can
see them (the outback is so gorgeous!).  Sitting atop the horse, they just
relax and enjoy the view.  Then he turns around to her and asks, "Have you ever
been kissed on horseback?"  She says no and then they kiss.  He asks, "You ever
make love on horseback?"  She says no.  "Wanna give it a try?"  She agrees and
they hop off to undress (meanwhile, wandering Jean spots the two of them as she
has her video camera on hand.  Of course, she hides herself and films them).

- Sunny and Randy have great chemistry together (as far as I've seen each 
time they're paired up).  When naked, they hop back onto the horse and start
kissing.  She lays back to have her pussy licked, he lays back to have his cock
sucked and then she rides him (hot).  Their last position is doggie style (not
many different ways you can do it on a horse :-) and he pulls out to cum, which
she smears all over her round butt.  Thankfully they were on a calm horse and
nobody got hurt.  :-)  The music in this scene is also nice to listen to, but
there was just a little bit more focus on facial close-ups instead of 
penetration.  Still, this was the very first Sunny scene I've ever watched and
thought she was scalding (enough to become one of my all-time faves :-).

Jean slowly heads off after they've finished.  Hours later, we see the whole
gang playing ball.  It's sort of like baseball but there are only two bases
and players hit the ball with a wicket.  But this is porn, not the World 
Series.  So you can press the FF button again.  That will take you to 
nighttime, where the group sits around a smoldering campfire.  Along comes 
Melanie Malloy on motorcycle (we see the motorcycle drive up but we don't see 
Aja riding it - we only see her sitting on it after it's parked).  Gibson's 
happy to see her and he introduces her to everyone.  She was just checking up 
on them to see if they'd make it up to the main camp for the next night.  
Gibson assures her that they'll be there and she prepares to leave but Harley 
and Gibson tell her that it's late, maybe she should sleep there with them.  
She agrees to it and has a seat at the campfire next to Victoria, who's a close 
friend of hers.  Victoria wonders what she's doing there and Melanie says she 
came to see her.  They decide to take it to Victoria's tent.  As they relax 
inside, they can hear Brian talking to Heather outside.  "Whatever you say 
about me make sure you spell my name right," he says.  She replies, "Your real
name or your other one?"  Hesitantly, he asks "What do you mean?"  "I know you,
you're Johnny Starling, television star!"  He's speechless.  Inside the tent, 
Victoria is shocked.  "He's a television star?  I don't believe it!"  "Big 
deal," mutters Melanie.  "But he's been trying to get into my pants ever since
I've been here!"  "And did you let him?"  "No, he's an egotistical jerk!"  
Melanie asks, "You didn't even let him kiss you?" then kisses Victoria 
herself.  Meanwhile, Brian's quietly explaining to Heather that he wants to be
himself, the guy that he used to be before claiming fame and fortune.  He says
if all the girls knew who he was, they'd jump him.  Victoria's hard to get and
he loves a challenge.

- A little dim, this scene won't do anything for you.  They get into the usual
girl/girl stuff except that Aja (the only all-American girl in this feature)
does all the licking and sucking.  Nioka's a simple-looking girl (almost in a 
plain kind of way) with tan skin and small natural breasts (which in this video 
is a big plus: all the women have natural breasts) and Aja, while nice-looking,
was completely put to waste in this her only scene.

Back outside.  Gibson and Jean are necking and Harley sends Brian off so he
can be with Heather.  Taking the hint from the other couple, they also start
necking.  Moments later, Jean decides to turn in.  Gibson walks off and 
Harley suddenly chickens out, pushing Heather away and telling her he can't
do it.  She wonders what's wrong but then shrugs it off and lays down, 
masturbating.  Gibson returns and jumps the journalist without saying a word.
But that's just fine by her.

- Alice and Randy also have good chemistry together.  Actually, this scene does
have moments of heat but sometimes it is dragged down by cutting to a facial
close-up, losing the continuity of how hot the action was before.  Alice has
also looked much better (here she's sort of having a bad hair day - sorry,
Alice! :-).  But they do try and they do deliver (however, most of their dirty
talk is inaudible).  It's not as different as doing it on a horse, so this 
scene just gets lost in the shuffle and probably won't get as much attention 
as it should.

The next day.  Everyone packs up and hits the dirt road again (more footage,
meaning FF).  At their next stop, we see a few people splashing around in the
river.  Karen's sitting on a rock, writing.  She talks about the different
couples; Gibson falling for Jean, Harley falling for Heather.. and as for
Victoria and Brian, she says they seem to have taken off someplace.  She hopes
Victoria doesn't fall for Brian because he already has a lover - himself.  In
the woods, Brian's laying on a blanket and talking into a mirror pretending 
it's Victoria.  She suddenly comes around and startles him.  "No fair, 
Victoria," he says.  "You don't sneak up on a fellow when he's making a fool 
of himself."  Falling for the 'actor' and not the 'person' she says, "You don't 
sound like a fool.  You're very romantic!  I like that!"  So he asks her why 
she always runs away when he makes passes at her.  "I'm not running now," she 
smiles.  "What do you mean by that?"  "What do you think?"  He pauses briefly 
then says, "I think you should pucker up" (ah, the joys of true love.. NOT!).

- Nioka may have appeared disinterested in her earlier scene but here she shows
a *little* more sign of life (but she doesn't give Tom a blowjob).  They kiss,
she gets eaten, they do mish, doggie, cowgirl and mish again with a belly
cumshot.  But it's more ho-hum than hot.

Jean comes around again with her video camera and surprises the two of them.
She heads off quickly and Brian gives her weird looks (looks like Jean's the
only one going home with memorable souvenirs of the trip).  She walks off to
the waterside where she finds Gibson relaxing by himself.  As soon as he 
notices her, he goes up to her, grabs her video camera and sets it down.  He
takes her hand and walks her over to where he was sitting and they begin
kissing (talk about getting what he wants without even saying a word!).

- Jasmine Rhodes (a curly haired dirty blonde with pale skin) has a wholesome 
appeal that makes her look like the kind of girl who wouldn't do porn.  She 
doesn't do much in this scene, though.  She's more submissive and not vocal in
the least but she is into giving head well enough.  Randy's active enough
though and pulls out from the doggie position, cumming down the crack of her
buttcheeks.

The group heads off again.  We hear Nancy's voice say, "Well, sis.  It's been
fun so far.  But I can't wait to get up to the main camp to meet all the other
single men!"  We hear Karen's voice say, "I'm sure I'll meet someone wonderful
up there."  Then, as if Nancy has some kind of telepathic powers, she answers
Karen's thought by saying, "I'm sure of it."  The end.

Just as the group finally heads up to the main camp does the movie come to an
end.  Their "Singles Holiday" has just begun but we don't get to see it (well,
after watching this.. I don't think you'd want to).  The only hot scene in 
this video is the Sunny/Randy romp that puts a whole new meaning to the term 
'horseback riding'.  Everything else just doesn't compare.  Even though there
are six sex scenes, they seem few and far between due to extensive landscape
footage.  And when you finally get to the sex scenes (minus the good one), it
isn't rewarding.  If I were on this trip, I'd write a postcard with the 
following quote on it; the weather's beautiful but you'll wish you weren't here.


Joey Markham