Sex Lives of Clowns

Newsgroups: alt.sex.movies
Subject: Review: Sex Lives of Clowns
From: [email protected] (Chopped Liver!)
Date: Thu, 28 Dec 1995 17:44:48 GMT

This is my first attempt at providing a review of an adult movie, so
if you don't happen to like it, tough. 

Title: Sex Lives of Clowns
Company: VCA Pictures
Director: Wesley Emerson
Length: According to box, 90 minutes.  According to my VCR, 112.

Most Memorable Scene: Mike Horner taking his clothes off
Overall Rating: *** 1/2 (Out of 5)

Featuring: Jeanna Fine, Sarah Jane Hamilton, Kaitlyn Ashley, Debi
Diamond, Crystal Wilder, Brooke Waters, Nicole London, Jonathan
Morgan, Jon Dough, Mike Horner and Cal Jammer.

As adult movies go, this has got to be one of the funniest concepts
I've seen in quite a long time.  I thought I'd never stop laughing
from listening to Mike Horner singing in "My Bare Lady", but this one
really does take the cake.  The premise for the movie is Sarah Jane
Hamilton playing the part of a journalist, interviewing clowns about
their sex lives.  The opening scene with Jon Dough taking a jog in his
big floppy shoes is worth a chuckle or two.

The first sex scene involves Debi Diamond looking as slutty as ever.
This may simply be my view, but I think I liked her better when she
didn't look wild but acted that way.  Her appearance in this film 
simply was not flattering to her.  She goes through a variety of
positions with Jon Dough before gradually settling into a missionary
anal.

The second scene involves Jonathan Morgan, a scruffy looking clown who
has been down on his luck lately.  He recalls a time when he was
adored by his fans, well, one in particular!  Now, I'm not sure what
Kaitlyn Ashley looks like, nor Brooke Waters.  Kaitlyn sounds more
like a blonde's name, so for the purpose of this review, the unknown
blonde is Kaitlyn and the unknown brunette is Brooke.  Anyway, Kaitlyn
and Jonathan have a nice little "Man on Top 69" and then Kaitlyn
mounts him for a little cowgirl action.  They end up mishing until he
pulls out and gives a "warning shot across the bow", if you know what
I mean. 

Next we have a clown whose voice has been altered and is sitting in a
dark room.  He is telling the story about a co-worker of his that had
a calliope music fetish.  Then we see a scene with Mike Horner (the
calliope fetishist) and Crystal Wilder and the unknown brunette
(assuming she's Brooke Waters).  Crystal got a bad bleach job, that's
about all I can say.  She looks like she came from a trailer park in
Appalachicola, FL.  Anyway, Brooke and Crystal take turns taking care
of Horner, then Mike gets Brooke in a mish while munching on Crystal.
Looks like fun!  Anyway, after a few position changes, it ends up with
Mike mishing Brooke again, while Crystal sits on Brooke's face.  After
the Mike Horner patented "Goofy Assed I'm Gonna Come Look" he
splatters over both women's faces and they lick him clean.

Well, as if this wasn't enough, the next scene involves Nicole London,
a clown groupie, getting naked in the bedroom of two clowns - Cal
Jammer and a guy that's not listed in the credits.  Nicole is looking
better (again, in my opinion) than she did a couple of years ago.  At
least now she's not smearing lipstick all over her face... At any
rate, she ends up in a DP with the 2 clowns, with Cal Jammer doing the
anal honors.  Both guys come on her face.

Merthful Mary.  That's the character played by Jeanna Fine.  She does
look a bit cute as a clown, but things really get going once she and
Kaitlyn start with a little lesbian loving.  What's there to say about
this?  Jeanna licks Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn licks Jeanna.  Jeanna toots her
horn at the end.

Next we see Sarah Jane sitting on her couch, reviewing her notes.  She
falls asleep and a dream sequence begins - Jon Dough (he is a clown,
after all) is between her legs giving her a good licking.  After a
little exchange of oral favors Jon mishes Sarah until she has a
squirting orgasm, then goes back at it and it looks like she attempts
a second squirt, but my 19" TV just couldn't let me tell from my
comfortable chair.  If you're really that interested, buy the movie!
Anyway, next Jon does a little doggie style sex with her before she
moves around to the reverse cowgirl.  I think Sarah Jane Hamilton is a
beautiful, graceful woman, but that corset she's wearing makes her
look bigger than she is around the hips.  Finally, Sarah jumps off of
Jon and gets a full glazed donut.

According to the box, the movie should be over - the Sarah Jane scene
ended at 93 minutes.  However, we still have one more scene.  This
time it's Crystal Wilder and Cal Jammer.  Pretty standard stuff here -
they didn't save the best for last.

In the end the film is dedicated to Cal Jammer.
==============================================================
Chopped Liver!  The opinions expressed are mine and everyone
has a right to disagree with them.  After all, what am I,
chopped liver?  Oh, never mind, I guess I am...
[email protected]
http://www.electricpages.com/epages/staff/hardware/choplivr
==============================================================