Stars : Fred J Lincoln, Sikki Nixx, KC Williams, Buck Adams, Teri Diver, Bianca Trump, Madison, and more.
Oh dear. A second rate, very average one-day wonder with an added gimmick of the penishands. My guess is that some of this was just scenes that Paul took out of films he never got round to finishing and shoved them in here. If you don't already know the Penishands saga, Fred Lincoln (Playing an aged Edward) tells you all about it at the beginning. Basically, Ed's a guy with two huge dildoes for hands. Period. In the first movie he fell in love with Jeanna Fine in a plot borrowed from the original Tim Burton movie (Edward Scissorhands), in the second Ed got hooked on drugs in Hollywood and now we just have Fred telling us what happened since... ie, nothing at all except random sex scenes. Forgive me if they're in the wrong order but I wasn't paying too much attention.
Fred's great, by the way, playing his role with MUCH gusto. This guy should have an oscar by now. He begins by telling us of some chick that he screwed who liked to "Play games". We flash back to young Edward (Sikki Nixx, looking a LOT like Johnny Depp in fantastic make-up) playing pool with his penishands. Some non-attractive girl (I can't remember who) is playing with him. They screw on the pool table. Most of the sex is with the prosthetic cocks, but occasionally Sikki gets his own in there too. Prosthetic sex just doesn't work for me. Especially not as there's no emotion being shown at all from eitherparticipant (Esp. Sikki who just stands there moving his hands Doesn't eventake his clothes off! [you'd see the wires if he did]). The (real) cum shot is not brilliant (on the stomach) and the penishands also climax but this is just silly (Smoke comes out of Ed's ears and some explosives go off, too.).
Then we get some more Fred. Definately the high point of the movie is Fred. He then introduces a completely unrelated g/g probably ripped from another Paul Norman movie that never got finished. Bianca Trump and Teri Diver (both looking revolting, IMHO) oil each other down and go through the standard motions. Very dull. Then Fred tells us of yet another girl (This is getting repetetive!) that he screwed. Again Fred's acting skills shine as he energetically describes how good the girl was. So it's a bit of a disappointment when we actually see her. Whoever she is, she's ugly. Sikki fucks her with the penishands and as far as I recall doesn't cum. The alledged trademark of this scene (as told by Fred in his introduction) is that the girl can take both hands at once. Great (sarcastic). So what? DPP with dildoes is hardly an impressive feat. When you consider that in "Depraved Fantasies" the marvellous Tammi Ann took both Ron Jeremy and the ridiculously proportioned Derrick Taylor up her ass at once, two dildoes seem like child's play. Tammi also looked about a billion times better than this ugga.
Then, in another completely unrelated scene (probably another Norman flick) Buck Adams screws KC Williams. KC looks great, of course, but this scene is uninspired, dull, lacking in emotion and the cum shot (on her back) is fairly weak. Yawn. Finally Fred says that he hasn't lost it yet, and in a remarkably long sequence he dildoes Madison and some other chick (VERY ugly) in all orifices, while another ugly and unindentifiable chick (I'm sorry, I should write these things down) masturbates. She has a VERY big nose.... The cum shot (by penishands of course, Fred doesn't get his member out) is overblown, as expected, and showers the two chicks. Shame it's not real. Fred finishes by smiling at the camera....
Overall verdict : Fred delivers what has to be the greatest monologue in porn history, including many long takes. His acting skills are fantastic. Far more than can be said for Mr Norman's directorial skills when it comes to generating sexual heat. All the scenes are crap. Period. If Fred wasn't in it at all, the film would be throwaway nonsense, but he and the amusing outtakes at the end (All of which feature Fred) push it up to a very kind 1.70 on the Imperial Scale.
Happy viewing.