THE MOUNTIE
director: Mitchell Spinelli, 1994.  Plum Productions.
cast: Letha Weapons, Asia Carrera, Misty Rain, Isis Nile, Sally Layd,
 Bianca Trump, Sahara Sands, Jon Dough, Jonathan Morgan, Alex Sanders
with special appearances by: Reverend Parsons + Louis G.

My rating (based on the Imperial scale) : 0.75 

sex scenes:

1. Letha Weapons + Jon Dough
2. Misty Rain, Sahara Sands + Sally Layd
3. Asia Carrera + Jonathan Morgan
4. Bianca Trump + Alex Sanders
5. Isis Nile + Jon Dough


Well, where do I begin?  There isn't much to start off with at all.
All we see is Jon Dough wearing a suit and tie, carrying a briefcase and
walking along the Rockies (huh)??  He looks totally shot and confused.  He
ends up hopping a fence and coming across mountie Letha Weapons who 
approaches him and asks him what he's doing there.  He hands her a paper and
tells her "This is where I want to go".  She opens the paper.  The next thing
we see is a black and white shot of Letha heading up to some cabin and slowly
urging Jon to come to her as she takes off her clothes and touches herself.
What the fuck is going on here?  Jon is having a daydream.  Anyhow, Letha
(who should change her name to Letha Whoppers) doesn't do much but bounce
her big tits.  They do a doggie and a cowgirl, then he cums on her ass.
 
	After snapping out of the daydream, Letha tells Jon he should head
North and then she disappears.  He heads off and ends up at some silo-type
container where along come Misty, Sahara and Sally wearing string bikinis
(where did they come from)??  They circle the container a few times, then
fuck out in the open (suddenly a blanket and some dildos appear).  Nothing
much here, the highlight being Misty having two hot, yet very brief, orgasms
curtesy of Sally ramming a dildo into her.  A nice camera angle at one point
(which lasted no more than 10 seconds) was a medium-longshot of the three
women perfectly positioned in the center of the screen with strands of weeds
sticking out in front of the camera, making it seem like we are right there
peeping in on them.  

Jon Dough is continuing his long walk when he ends up in the middle
of a field when he turns around at a mini race-car type vehicle approaching
him.  Louis G., a chubby fellow, is at the wheel and Asia Carrera is by his
side.  He stops in front of Jon and tells him he's in the way (yeah ok, with
all that open space?) and suddenly, after a minute or two of more dialogue,
we see Asia being felt up and about-to-be-fucked by Jonathan Morgan (huh??
Where did HE come from)?  Anyhow, Jon and Louis walk away and Asia and
Jonathan are left alone.  Asia looks good, but doesn't do much in this very
useless scene (all the scenes up to now have been useless).  She does have
a good orgasm at one point, slapping the ground with her hand and swaying
her head around, but *alas*, the scene ends too quickly.  I was surprised
that Jonathan didn't speak at all in this movie, except for moaning, and
he didn't appear to be such a geek as he usually is in his other 
performances.

What's this?  Jon suddenly is asleep in some cabin with Bianca
and Alex hovered around him wondering if he's dead or asleep.  HUH?!?
They decide they don't care what condition he's in and then go to some
picnic table (indoors) and fuck.  Jon wakes up, notices them, but then heads
out.  Bianca looks pretty and the scene starts off slow, which it stays for
most of it anyhow.  A few moans and squeals and a cumshot then it's over.

Jon is walking along (I don't know where anymore, this movie's sucked)
and he meets up with Reverend Parsons who's playing a guitar.  Jon asks him
for help, but the Reverend (who is really a chubby bald guy in a t-shirt and
shorts) doesn't know anything (much like the writer of this really bad excuse
for porn, sorry Mitch).  Anyhow, to add more to the confusion, we suddenly
end up at some teepee where Jon is laying asleep inside.  Isis Nile is an
Indian girl (without any make-up streaks across her cheeks or anything, but
she looks mighty fine here!) and she is sitting on the same bed as Jon is
sleeping on.  She runs her hands on his body, then he wakes up and notices
her (without shock or anything, as to where he is, how he ended up there -
but at this point, it doesn't matter anymore [like it ever did]).  They're
all alone, so - they fuck.  Did I mention Isis looks mighty fine here?  They
do a more sensual scene mostly in the missionary position before he cums on
her chest and stomach.

Now, we finally learn what this whole movie's about - Jon was actually
sleeping the whole time (now THAT'S original)!  He is really a janitor and
was simply sleeping on the job.  He gets up, takes his mop and pail and 
leaves (to continue cleaning).  End of movie.

Using the Imperial ratings scale, this movie gets a 0 for storyline.
Direction and editing get a 0, too.  Asia, Misty and Isis provided very 
little heat, but I'm giving each of them 0.25 for their efforts.  This was
definitely a one-day shot patch job that proves that ANYONE can make a porno
(and to think that Mitchell Spinelli wrote the 'story' for this, much less 
producing and directing it)!  Sorry, Mitch, this one's fit for the pit, 
but at least I gave it a 0.75 (which is VERY generous).  Better luck
next time.


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