Joined!

Date sent:        Thu, 17 Apr 1997 08:38:48 -0400 (EDT)
From:             Joey Markham ([email protected])
Subject:          REVIEW: "Joined!"



Paul Norman co-directed this slightly twisted tale of siamese twins 
(newcomers at the time Saber and Racquel Darrian) along with Henri Pachard.
What makes it twisted is the prosthetic that is glued/pasted to the girls'
hips, joining them together (in some angles you can tell it's fake, but in
other angles it looks frighteningly real).  Kudos to the production team 
for bringing this story to life.  You can tell that time and effort went
into putting this together.  The costumes were well done - some of the twins'
dresses they wore were cleverly pieced together (with a zipper connecting the
cloth of two separate dresses at the joint) and in one case, they wore a dress
that was completely one piece (joint and all).  Kudos also goes to Paul Norman
for shedding some of his wit on the porn industry with his creative projects
(two other examples that use prosthetics in amusing ways are "Cyrano" and 
"Edward Penishands" [along with sequels]).


JOINED! THE SIAMESE TWINS (part 1)
directors: Paul Norman and Henri Pachard.   In Hand Video, 1989.
running time: 70 minutes.

rating: 7.5 out of 10 stars
        (or 3.00 / 4.00 on the Imperial scale)

introducing Saber and Racquel (Darrian).
also starring Sharon Kane, Tianna, Cara Lott, Derrick Lane, Randy Spears,
 Jon Dough.


The movie opens up on the twins Saber and Cassandra (Racquel - I don't know
why she didn't just use her name like Saber did) playing the piano at home.
Saber looks like she's playing, but Racquel doesn't (I guess it was an overdub
of music).  Then the doorbell rings.  It's their counsellor Barbara Peters
(Sharon Kane).  It's been a while since she made a housecall but she has
something very important she needs to talk about with them.  So they go
into the kitchen where the twins offer her coffee then she gets right down
to business.  She tells them about a new doctor on their staff whose 
knowledge for separating siamese twins is incredible (and that he recently
separated two twins in France successfully).  "But they said it couldn't
be done," says Saber.  "Not with the organ WE share!"  But Barbara assures
them that it's possible now and that she recommends they have a meeting with
him.  "He's young but he's very good," she tells them.  Saber asks, "Young
and cute?"  "Saber!" exclaims Cassandra, then tells Barbara that this news
is shocking to them and doesn't even know if she wants to go ahead with the
operation anymore because they both always assumed they'd be connected to
eachother forever.  Barbara tells them if they need to talk about their
personal feelings with a psychologist, there's one on her staff they could
have a meeting with.  "Is he young and cute?" asks Saber and Barbara 
chuckles.  "Saber, you know you haven't changed a bit," she tells her.  "Of
course.  He's young, he's cute, and he's single.  But that's never mattered
to you."  Cassandra asks if there's going to be scarring and Barbara says
there will be but most importantly they will still be healthy young girls.
So she gives the twins the guys' business cards and tells them not to 
hesitate to call.  Once she leaves, they both go back to playing the piano
but they're still in doubt about the whole thing because they've gotten used
to their condition and how everyone stares at them and that they're pretty
much happy the way they are.

The next day.  Barbara is having a discussion with the psychologist Kevin
(Derrick Lane) and another employee Paul (Jon Dough - who's another 
psychologist or counsellor or something, it's not made clear).  Kevin says
he's not sure if the twins have had enough counselling sessions with Dr.
Peters but she says the girls are coping with their condition.  They have
two distinct personalities, it's just that their movements and decisions are
always the same.  They would benefit from the surgery but she doesn't know
how the trauma of possible complications will affect them.  So Kevin finally
decides to pay them a visit and have a talk with them but Barbara warns him
first that Saber's an extrovert who's very interested in sex and she warns
him not to get involved.  Meanwhile, curious (and horny) Paul wants to go
along with Kevin but it's best that he goes alone.  Once he's gone, Barbara
tells Paul he's not ready to go out there alone to meet up with their clients
because of his previous encounter with several patients that turned into a
sexual escapade of sorts.  She says Kevin has a more sensitive approach to
his work and tries to leave it at that but Paul is just too nosy to stop
asking questions about the twins' sex lives and if they have many 
relationships, etc.  Barbara becomes furious with him that it eventually
drives her own sexual energy into high gear and they end up having sex on
her desk.

- This is a rather short scene and Sharon remains on her back the whole time.
She isn't bored, though.  She does enjoy her pussy eating session (that has
her gyrating her hips at one point) and from the look in Jon's face as he
has his tongue buried deep inside of her, it's as if he's asking "You like
that, don't you?"  Next Jon plunges inside of her missionary style.  Sharon
has nice small breasts but she doesn't play with them at all here (and her
hair is a little longer than shoulder length but it's pinned up throughout
the whole movie).  Jon then climbs up on the desk, over her chest, and cums
all over her face and neck.

Over at the twins' house.  Kevin is there and they're all having a talk in
the living room.  Saber is already telling him the doctor was right when she
said he was young and cute, but he keeps his cool.  He tells her, "I've heard
of your escapades and it's not gonna work with me.  I came here to talk with
you."  As soon as he finishes speaking, he glances over at Cassandra and 
their eyes meet rather seductively.  Then the twins get up to go to the
washroom (where there are two toilet bowls sitting side by side - how cute
:-) but they stand before the mirror and touch themselves up.  Saber says
she senses Cassandra's liking towards Kevin, but Cassandra denies it.  "Oh
come on," says Saber.  "How often do I see you re-touch your make-up for a
guy?"  So she suggests to Cassandra that she ask him out.  "I'm not gonna
ask him out!"  "I'll ask him out for you."  "Don't you dare!"  "Oh come on,"
says Saber.  "You can't hide your feelings from me!"  Once they return to
the living room, Cassandra thanks Kevin for stopping by but says she and
Saber need to talk about it more among themselves first.  "If you'd like
to talk further with me, give me a call at the hospital," he tells them.
But Saber eagerly plans a date for the three of them for Saturday.  She 
says, "The zoo!  Cassandra loves the zoo!" and it's all settled between
them and Kevin says he'll pick them up at ten o'clock.  Once he leaves, 
Cassandra exclaims, "The zoo??  YOU'RE the one that likes the zoo!"  Saber
figures that since this date is primarily to fix her up with Kevin, she
might as well get *some* kind of fun out of it.

Hours later.  The twins are in their backyard picking some fruit off a tree.
Meanwhile, Paul has managed to make his way over to their house to spy on
them but they spot him out almost instantly.  He shyfully steps out of his
hiding spot and Saber whispers to her twin that she finds him cute.  Once he
stands before them he says he finds their condition interesting.  "So do a
lot of people," Cassandra says.  Saber than asks with a soft voice, "So, do
you wanna see it?"  He'd like to and she carefully unzips the clothing around
their attachment, exposing the disfigured skin for him to see.  "Do you wanna
touch it?" Saber asks.  "How bad do you wanna touch it?"  So he slowly glides
his fingers over it and is taken back, asking them if they feel it and, of
course, they can.  Now Saber seductively asks him, "Do you want to come 
inside with us?" and he replies, "After you, ladies!"  Cassandra warns him
beforehand that she's not interested then they make their way inside the 
house.

The bedroom.  "So, you wanna see it all?" Saber asks and he says yes.  
Cassandra just stands there as Saber takes off her clothes.  He asks her,
"Aren't you gonna take your clothes off too?"  Saber tells him, "You're
having sex with me.  Not my sister.  Aren't YOU gonna get undressed?"  He
chuckles and says he finds it weird that Cassandra's just going to be hanging
around but then he figures that weird is good, and undresses.  Then he climbs
onto the bed next to the naked Saber as the fully clothed Cassandra lays
back and closes her eyes.  Once he and Saber french kiss, we see Cassandra
sticking out her tongue as if she's also tonguing him.  As he moves down to
Saber's pussy, Cassandra rubs hers as if she feels the sensation too.

- Racquel remains in masturbation for the whole scene no doubt, and Jon is
rather sensual with Saber, going down on her hairy pussy and eating her out
slowly.  At one point, Jon reaches over and rubs their joint and I couldn't
help but think how much it looks like a giant wad of gum sticking the two
girls together!  :-)  Then he climbs over Saber for a 69 and later get into
a missionary.  Afterwards, the girls flip over so he can give it to her doggy
style.  The scene ends with a cumshot on Saber's ass.

"I do all the dirty work and you get all the pleasure," Saber pants, looking
at Cassandra.  "I say next time you oughtta pay me back."  Cassandra smiles.

Saturday morning.  The zoo.  We see Kevin and the twins walking around and
enjoying the scenery.  Cassandra and Kevin walk hand in hand, and also kiss,
but Saber looks a little bored.  A funny moment is provided when two young
girls (non-paid extras; this looks like it was shot spontaneously) stop and
stare at the twins (the attachment in between them) probably thinking to
themselves, "What the...?!?!?"  Anyhow, we discover two women, Heather 
(Tianna) and Vera (Cara Lott) are following them around and we later find 
out they were sent by Kevin himself to spy on them to make sure he doesn't
get attached to one of them - after all, he IS a professional (yeah right
:-) and must 'separate' business and pleasure.  Eventually, Heather and 
Vera take a break from spying and go to a secluded area behind some shed.
They both agree that he's falling for one of them but Heather isn't all
that worried, saying, "What kind of relationship could either one of those
have with a man?"  "I know, it would be so weird!" says Vera.  "Can you 
imagine what their sex life must be like?  You couldn't even masturbate in
privacy.  God, with the other one watching all the time?"  Heather then
has a change of mind, discovering the slight kink aspect of it and figuring
it might not be so bad after all.  Suddenly, their hormones take over (what,
with discussing masturbation and everything) and the girls make out on a 
nearby hammock (which turns into a love swing :-).

- Tianna is such a firecracker, isn't she?  Here she also sports shoulder
length hair that looks quite nice on her (several times she keeps flipping
it over because it gets in the way - I guess she found it annoying enough
that she had it butchered off).  Things start off slow as they both try
to position themselves comfortably on the hammock.  Once they get the
giggling out of the way, they work their hungry tongues over eachother in
wild abandon (and Tianna squeals with delight as Cara - who happens to be
the only fake-chested girl in the movie - passes her tongue over her 
asshole).  Tianna also gives Cara a frenzied tongue fuck session and makes
sure she pays enough attention to Lott's ass as well (after watching this,
it's not a surprise that Tianna became the Buttwoman years later!).  Some
of their positioning may seem cramped, but they certainly find a way to
digress!

Later that night.  We immediately open up on Cassandra and Saber trapped
in a big cage at the zoo (which we find out afterwards is just a dream 
they're having).  They're wearing very thin leopard-skinned bras and belts
and look like wildcats in heat.  A door opens and two naked guys step in:
Kevin and a zookeeper (Tom Byron).  Of course, Kevin heads for Cassandra and
Tom takes Saber.

- A nice double-fuck scene develops here and while Racquel only has sex with
Derrick (whom, during this point in time, she was only working exclusively 
with) she also appears pre-boobjob, which were just perfect before.  After
giving head, the twins stand up with their fingers clenched to the wired
fencing as they receive it stand-up doggy style.  Next up, they both sit down
on a bench as the guys kneel down and fuck them from the front.  We get a few
nice camera angles of the action and the performers seem into it well enough
(but I don't know what the deal with Derrick is - during the whole movie he
looked either stoned or very, very tired).  Cumshots on the girls' pussies
ends the scene.  Saber sometimes rests her hand on Racquel's thigh and at
one point, the twins' heads get a little close and it looks as if they were
about to french kiss, but they don't.

"I just had the weirdest dream!" Cassandra says, waking up in the middle of
the night.  "Me too," Saber adds.  "A cage?"  Cassandra giggles and they both
drift off to sleep again.

The next day.  We see Barbara relaxing in a hot tub outdoors (at the local
spa-resort).  Dr.Stanley Jefferson (Randy Spears) stops by (we find out he
was invited there by Dr.Peters herself) and she immediately asks him to join
her in the water.  "I'm afraid I didn't bring my suit," he tells her.  She
says, "Well, I don't have on MY suit" (except for her birthday suit :-).
So he decides to strip down to his birthday suit as well and take a dip
alongside her (and eventually IN her :-).  "I must say, it is a little 
strange conducting business in a hot tub," he says.  "Well, there's a first
time for everything," she giggles.  So they get right down to business and
Barbara asks about scarring and if the twins can go for skin graphs after
the operation but they can only do it months after the surgery.  Barbara
isn't sure if the twins are going to like the sound of that.  "Will you be
performing the actual surgery?" she asks.  He replies, "No.  Doctors Norman
and Pachard will be doing the actual cutting.  I'll be assisting on the
operation" (I guess the directors wanted to fit their names somewhere during
the course of the movie - and much earlier on, Barbara tries to talk to Paul
about the 'Sullivan' case: that's two for Pachard [Mr.Sullivan himself :-]).
Then Stanley coyly asks her if she does it often (go to spas) and she says
it's her first time.  After asking her why she wanted him to meet her there,
she slowly admits that she wanted to seduce him.  "What better way to seduce
you than to mix business with pleasure?" she asks and they get right down to
the pleasure part of it.

- Sharon and Randy look like they were programmed to please eachother.  Once
they get the passionate kissing out of the way, Randy eats her out then they
both hop out of the water where he leads her to a nearby spiral staircase.
He gets her to give him head between the railing bars but they don't remain
there for long.  As if a hero rescuing a damsel in distress, Randy then picks
up Sharon and carries her back to the hot tub where she continues sucking him
off.  Next, they do a pretty hot doggy followed by a mish (with a little toe
sucking/foot licking from him to her) then a cumshot on her belly ends the
scene.  The sex is pretty hot here as both Sharon and Randy put on a good
show by exhibiting their raw lust for eachother.

"This is an interesting way of doing business," he tells her.  "We'd better
do this a little more often!"  She giggles and says, "Yes, we could."

Over at the twins' house.  Kevin's there with them because they just came
back from another day at the zoo.  Cassandra and Kevin are going on and on
about their fun-filled day and she says she'd love to make him dinner, but
Saber says she's had enough of the two of them and, quite frankly, is very
bored with it all.  She asks Kevin if he has a friend - a guy or girl or
anyone she could do something with since he'll be occupied with Cassandra.
Kevin decides to help Saber out by calling his good friend Heather over.

- Once Tianna's there, the twins remove their clothes but keep on their
collars that are attached to eachother by a long chain.  They remain on their
backs on the ground the whole time as Derrick plunges deep inside Racquel
and as Tianna works her tongue on Saber, but somewhat toning it down from
her previous g/g scene with Cara.  The heat does pick up as Derrick starts
pumping faster and both Racquel and Saber even turn over and tongue eachother
briefly.  Tianna, looking very nice here as she's decked out with a pearl
necklace, white nylons and white heels, sits on Saber's face a while and 
pretty soon they're all moaning and panting in wild abandon.  Derrick ends
up cumming on Racquel's belly but then sticks it back inside of her and
continues pumping.  A moment later, Tianna climbs off of Saber's face and
lays back looking totally spent as Derrick pulls out and lays down next to
Racquel.

"I didn't mean for it to be like this," Cassandra tells Kevin.  He says he
understands but it's just so frustrating now because he wishes he could have
her all to himself.  She says she wants that too.  "Then talk to the doctor,"
he tells her.  "I can't.  Saber's so set against it," she says (huh??  I
thought SHE was the one who was more set against it).  He pleads again for
her to call the doctor but she still says she can't.  Then he gets up and
prepares to leave.  "Where are you going?" she asks, sitting herself up.
He says, "I should be going."  "Don't leave!" she begs, but he can't handle
the situation anymore and she won't talk to the doctor so he figures it's
best that he leaves.  Depressed, Cassandra lays back down again.  The end
(but it should have said 'to be continued': this movie is followed by a
sequel called "Separated!"). 

This video is an interesting little gem with a freaky special effect that
steals the show all its own.  Of course, both Saber and Racquel are two
pretty ladies (who look nothing alike at all - except for the hairstyles they
had here) and although they were joined as one they have two separate
personalities: Saber is a cute young thing with that 'girl next door' appeal
that defines innocence while Racquel has a lustful sensuality with a somewhat
fiery look in her eyes that defines sexual mischief (funny how these
attributes were switched for the movie).  But we can't forget about Sharon or
Tianna, who both definitely hold their own in their scenes.  As for the
technical side of things, the editing and camerawork were fine enough but the
quality was just a tad on the grainy side.  Not too grainy to be distracting
however (the prosthetic itself will be the one that will catch your eye: in 
the twins' sex scenes, it's hard NOT to stare and think how unusual it looks 
:-).  Paul Norman and his production team probably would have worked wonders
for Leisure Time's "Freaks of Nature" series but Norman decided to venture out
and work storylines around his clever creations.  The end results don't really
make for kinky sex, but it's always refreshing to see something new and 
different (as opposed to more than 75% of all sex videos out there that serve
up the same old sexual set-ups without any imagination - with the exception of
very high budget productions and the occasional 'really good' tape; which, of
course, will vary for everyone).  Check out this tape and join the club of 
those, like me, who find Norman's creative productions like this an out of 
the ordinary triumph (too bad he hasn't made too many videos with prosthetic-
based themes :-).

With all that said and done, I've been pondering the following thought 
throughout watching this tape: I wonder if, on their last day of filming,
several cast members played a friendly game of tug-of-war with Saber and
Racquel?  :-)


Joey Markham
[email protected]