Prod/Dir : Greg Dark
Writer : "Selwyn Harris" (Greg Dark, I guess)
Stars : Juli Ashton, Tammi Ann, Barbara Doll, Nikole Lace, Jeanna Fine, Ariana, Rebecca Lord, Sindee Coxx, Kelly O'Dell, Felecia, Serenity, Rowan Fairmont, Amanda Addams, Dallas, Rip Hymen, Dave Cummings, Leslie Forbes, Tom Byron, Jon Dough, TT Boy, Marc Wallice, Cal Jammer, Luc Wylder, Mark Davies, Nick East and about 20000 others!
VCA PLATINUM PLUS
Wow.... Let me catch my breath for a second here... That's better...
Greg Dark is THE man. With every film he makes he gets one step further towards perfection. He is one of the only porn directors who has kept coming out with great movie after great movie consistently since the mid-eighties. This movie is a 90 minute rollercoaster ride through a visually breathtaking landscape of gorgeous girls and blazing sex. Even the credits sequence, a series of dancing lovelies appearing to the crunching guitar melodies of the Brothers Ninn, is enough to put most other directors to shame...
The "plot" makes very little sense, which is a shame, but it doesn't really matter as the sex is so good. It's in a similar style to Dark's previous effort "New Wave Hookers 4" with one guy doing a lot of talking and showing us some crazy sexual situations to illustrate his point. The guy this time is Rip Hymen, dressed in a silly halloween devil costume. The movie opens with his remarkably straight-faced dwarf apprentice dressed in a tuxedo walking through a white room full of TV's (There are lots of TV's in this movie. They're all over the place. I guess this is supposed to be symbolic. Maybe Dark is suggesting that Hell is full of TV's or that TV is Hell or something?) and showing us a picture of Juli Ashton. It is soon explained that Ashton is a 19 year old virgin version of Justine Jones from the first 4 DMJ films. Supposedly, she's had a fucked-up introduction to sex by her mother (Rip Hymen in drag! YEUCK!) and it's Satan's job to make sure she gets it straight. To do this, we see a series of vignettes introduced by the phrase "What do you know about...?" (as opposed to Dark's old line "Let me tell ya 'bout..."
The first one is "What do you know about Passion?" We get some rambling nonsense which admittedly is pretty funny from Hymen, then we cut to the truly stunning Tammi Ann masturbating on the floor of the Devil's living room (which is fitted with a flashing neon sign that reads "DEVIL" in block capitals!). This sequence is, unfortunately, cut very short. It lasts about 10 seconds maximum, but is still highly erotic as during this time period she does manage to ram a sizeable dildo up her ass. No one else but Tammi would bother doing that for a 10 second cameo role, but I'm glad she does. She looks fantastic, as well, BTW, but that goes without saying. Anyway, the Devil does a brief impression of John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever" (stating that he's not a boogie man but he does like to boogie!) and then turns Tammi into a chicken in a fiery flash of wild special F/X. A bit stupid really. I know that if she was masturbating on MY living room floor I certainly wouldn't want to turn her into a chicken...
Still, the next vignette... This time Hymen asks us "What do you know about sex?" Cut to a whole new set now, which is kind of decked out like a circus sideshow. Hymen and Forbes stand outside promoting "LIVE SEX!" and "Acts of fire-eating lust". Inside the tent, we now see TT Boy lying on the side, spanking his monkey and Juli Ashton sitting naked on a chair, being fondled by two old men, one of which is the now famous (not to mention extremly cool) Dave Cummings of "Eat at Dave's" fame. In the centre of the tent, Amanda Addams is eating fire. This is pretty cool, she's obviously had some circus training or something. Anyway, she soon moves on to TT and they break into a primo fuck scene, which really surprised me. I saw Amanda and thought the worst. She possesses only "average" looks and sports rather icky silicone implants, thus needs to give off a lot of passion and enthusiasm for the scene to work. Amazingly, she pulls it off brilliantly (or maybe I should say that Greg Dark pulled it off brilliantly) and really gives TT a run for his money. They go through the whole gamut of positions (oral, oral, mish, doggie) and even go for a bit of very heated anal at one point. Throughout this, Juli (Who, BTW, is looking absolutely delicious throughout this entire movie) masturbates with fingers in both orifices, as the two oldies stroke themselves off beside her and squeeze her tits every now and then. To finish off the scene, Dave shoots onto Juli's thigh and TT rushes across the room to pop off on her stomach.
Cut now to the next part where Hymen asks "What do you know about knowledge?" and cuts to the next (and undoubtably the finest) vignette of the film. We now are placed in the atrium of some kind of ancient Greek setting, where some Greek young men in tunics are being taught philosophy. Juli lies naked on the table and in walk the students... Jeanna Fine, the teacher, asks them some theories on life which leads to a plethora of film quotes being spewed forth... Mark Davies says "To know death you must fuck life in the gall bladder" (an immortal line from Paul Morissey's classic "Flesh for Frankenstein") to which Nick East, who has been munching on candy since he appeared on screen replies "Some say life is like a box of chocolates" in true Forrest Gump fashion! And who says Dark's lost his sense of humour!? Somehow all this talk develops into an orgy/gangbang sequence. Things start off tame enough with Ashton sucking her way through all the guys including some brief double oral penetration and even a bit of deep throating if you watch closely. Then things get really hot, when Jeanna puts on a rather huge black strap-on. Juli lies on top of Jeanna, on her stomach and Jeanna gives her a royal pussy pounding with the strap-on, while (Totally unexpectedly) all the guys take it turns to anal her. You just don't expect that sort of thing, looking at Ashton. She just looks so sweet and innocent as if she wouldn't even know what a DP was and then next minute "she's taking it up the ass like a $10 hooker on crack!" Wow! What a woman! Not quite up to the Tammi Ann level of perfection, but certainly getting there... The scene ends with Jeanna forming a cup with her hands, all the guys shooting into the hands and then getting Juli to lick it all up. Whether this is real or not is up to you to decide, but being as it's a Greg Dark film and not a John T Bone film, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, it's a great scene whatever...
The scene fades out and we get more nonsense from the Devil (who, by now, seems to have lost the plot a little) and his midget assistant, Forbes, who looks really cute in a little red devil costume and keeps a brilliant poker face up throughout the entire movie. The next question arises "What do you know about innocence?", the word "INNOCENT" flashes on the screen and we cut to a garden of Eden setting, which despite being full of lovely flowers and trees, also has lots of TV's spouting white noise lying around the place. Weird... Anyhow, in the Garden of Eden, we see Nikole Lace, with angel wings, some other chick in a white dress picking flowers (I guess this is "Dallas" going by the credits but we don't see much of her) and Juli sits in the corner wearing an EXTREMLY sexy Alice in Wonderland costume and looking very innocent indeed. Suddenly, out of the blue, a bunch of guys in sunglasses and military gear pop up, Hymen shouts "THIS IS THE DARKER SIDE OF INNOCENCE" (or something like that), the Ninn Bros music hammers to life in the background and the flashily edited superanal-gangbang begins! Nikole takes on at least six guys while Dallas just sits there in the background, occasionally taking a dick in her mouth and just watching in awe. Nikole has a black dildo of some sort at one point which, after doing a bit of anal masturbation, she passes to Juli who licks it clean and masturbates with both holes throughout the rest of the scene. I have to admit to not particularly finding Nikole as attractive as most other reviewers at a.s.m. but it's almost impossible to deny that she put on a top class show in this scene. She goes absolutely apeshit, taking dicks on in every way, shape or form and taking it up the ass continously for the entire scene. She even does an unedited p2m shot at one point, just before getting a really powerful mouth-fuck from one of the anonymous military guys. The scene ends with Nikole passing a plastic cup around for the guys to squirt in. One of them oversteps the mark a bit and delivers an welcome facial to Nikole (much needed.... the only thing this film lacked was facials). After everyone's shot into the cup, Nikole pours it onto Juli's stomach, whilst she and Dallas lick it off. The scene freeze-frames as the word "GUILTY" is stamped across the screen. Dark is a truly visionary director....
Back now to the Devil as he asks us the question "What do you know about loyalty?" He then poses an interesting moral question : If you could sleep with the wildest, wettest most beautiful fantasy woman in the galaxy, but then could never sleep with anyone else for the rest of your life, would you do it? He says he wouldn't and then shows us an example of how boring he thinks it is to be chained to the same woman. Not sure if I agree with this point of view, but we do get a scorching sex scene out of it so who cares?!
Cut now to a room with three cages in it. On the left, we have Rebecca Lord (Who also, BTW, did all the make-up work for this movie, according to the credits). On the right, we have Sindee Coxx (who is a bit out of place in a movie like this really. She seems more at home with the PT/Vivid/Beauty-Queen/Vanity type videos than Greg Dark stuff) and in the middle we have Juli, who has already started masturbating, as Forbes brings on two guys. He sends Jon Dough in with Rebecca Lord and the other guy (Michael J Coxx, I guess) in with Sindee and locks the cage to let them fuck. Now, shooting a sex scene through bars can often be a recipe for disaster (see "Apocalypse Climax 2") but obviously Dark pulls it off. The Coxx coupling is actually quite dull, but I could just make excuses for Greg and say that it was necessary in order to prove the Devil's point about loyalty being boring. However, this is all defunct when you take into consideration how steaming the Dough/Lord coupling is. No matter what you say about Jon Dough, he certainly knows how to deliver a good on-screen fuck. At one point, they do a fairly lengthy Reverse-Cowgirl in which BOTH partners are vertical. You'd think it was impossible by that description, but these two are pretty darned athletic and pull it off brilliantly! She's just sprawled out across the bars of the cage, looking like some kind of crazy wild animal. It's a sight to behold, brothers and sisters! It's just a shame that the Coxx's just keep up the same boring standing-doggie position throughout the whole thing. She tries to liven it up by talking dirty but the guy is a real wanker and doesn't know what he's doing. Anyway, the scene climaxes with Dough shooting his usual explosion into Juli's hands which she licks off and rubs all over her delicious body, then the other guy repeats the process.
More laffs from Hymen now as he quizzes us with yet another all-important question : "What do you know about privelege?" Cut to an elegant dining room, where Tom Byron and Jon Dough sit at a table eating their dinner, which is served by a truly dizzguzzting fat broad. From what I can deduce from their Ye Olde' Worlde' conversations, they've been training some chick (Vanessa Chase, looking better than usual with longer hair) to be a whore (!?!) but she's not doing much good as she doesn't know how to get aroused. So the fat chick brings on Juli (who is masturbating YET AGAIN! Not that I object...) to show her how it's done. Sure enough, Vanessa gets aroused and starts fucking the life out of Dough and Byron, starting with some frenzied cock-sucking on the two of them (seperately) before moving on to the usual mish/doggie stuff, swapping partners as she goes. During this scene, we get plenty of shots of Ashton using a silver dildo on herself. Sadly, every time we get a shot of Juli we also have to suffer a shot of the fat broad (who is now topless) shaking her fat around (YEUCCCCK!) and slapping Juli around the head with her huge saggy tits (YEEEEEUCK!). This is the only occasion where I could say that Dark's imagination has lessened the erotic impact of a scene. Anyway, things soon liven up as the two guys DP Vanessa on the dinner table. She really does not look like she's done this sort of thing very often. She seems to be getting pretty into it but every now and then between the "Oh! Yes! Oh! Yes!"'s she'll let out a yelp of pain or grit her teeth or something. Eventually we get to the cumshots. Tom shoots a wad on Juli's tits and Jon delivers a firehose blast from her crotch to over her head! He must have been enjoying himself.....
"What do you know about lesbianism?" asks Hymen, as his face is digitally pasted onto a woman's body... Cut to an industrial factory setting with cogs and wheels going round and two guys with hardhats and spanners standing around operating machine tools. Bring on the chicks.... Kelly O'Dell (Looking stunning), Juli Ashton, Serenity and Felecia. How's that for a lineup? They break into a turbo-paced four-way lesbian inferno as the two guys at the back quite rightfully whack off throughout the whole scene. They all wear tight black rubber underwear (fetishtic!) and all of them seem to really get into it. Felecia and Serenity are by far the most enthusiastic, probably because they're more into girls than Kelly and Juli and don't tend to appear with guys very often. Felecia wears a weak looking strap-on but truly delivers a royal ramming into Serenity with it in the Reverse-Cowgirl position. Meanwhile, Kelly and Juli have feet in each other's pussies! The whole scene is just a wild scrambling of beautiful naked flesh everywhere! It's impossible to describe! It's scorching, sizzling sex! Don't just read about it, see it! To end the scene the two guys jerk off onto Juli's body.
The finale'... "What do YOU know about POWER?!" yells Hymen, now playing the owner of some kind of ritzy restaurant. He steals a plate of food from Forbes and throws it around, screaming and yelling, chewing up the scenery like William Shatner on speed. The word "REJECTION" flashes on the screen and everyone in the resaurant breaks into orgy-mode. Throughout the whole scene Ashton just sits naked on a table begging everyone for sex ("FUCK ME! PLEASE!!!" she screams. If only I'd been on the set....:-)) but getting none. The players here are Barbara Doll, Ariana and some new and fairly uninteresting brunette Rowan Fairmont who has an icky tongue piercing. There's six guys here as well and to begin with we just have a wild partner swapping session which is too confusing to describe, but basically everyone goes through most of the positions you can think of. Barbara LOOKS the best of the three, by far, but she can't even come close to Ariana in terms of pure, raw, unadulterated enthusiasm. Ariana goes WILD in this scene. I can't explain it too well, but she is just REALLY getting into it, chewing up the scenery with more gusto than Hymen. Anyway, all this is just a tame prelude for what's to come.... THREE SIDE-BY-SIDE DP's!!! Yes, folks! And I don't mean just standard, boring, one-camera-angle DP's like in regular films. I mean Greg Dark hotter-than-Hell well shot, hectically edited DP's! Ariana is especially of note here. She really handles it well. I haven't seen this level of enthusiasm for a long time.... I was NOT expecting this at the beginning of the scene. I think this must be the first time I've ever seen THREE DP's all going on at the same time. My VCR nearly exploded whilst playing this tape. Anyhow, it ends with all the guy's showering Juli from head to toe in their cum. I could done with a bit of lingering on her drenched body for a few minutes with some close ups and the likes, but Dark just cuts away, unfortunately to the "Twist ending", in which Juli wakes up screaming. It was all a dream.... [GROAN]
Anyway, in conclusion, I am warning you, you don't want to risk dying without seeing this movie. Rent it, buy it, consume, consume!!! It's a timeless classic by a master director. I can't really give it a pefect 4 on the Imperial Scale, because technically a truly "PERFECT" film would just be 2 and a half hours or so of Tammi Ann masturbating, without any of the other stuff. So, bearing in mind that no video available on the market today can get a four from me, I'll award this masterwork a volcanic 3.95 on the Imperial Scale. See it....
Happy viewing!