From: [email protected] (Brad Williams)
Subject: Review: Candida Royalle's "The Gift"
Date: Tue, 24 Jun 97 20:34:35
Organization: MindSpring Enterprises
THE GIFT. Written/Directed/Produced by Candida Royalle. Femme Productions/Adam&Eve. Shanna McCullough,Micki Lynn,Mark Davis, Diane Cannon,Angel Smith,Eric Jeter,Joey D. Shot-on-film.
Here's a so-called "romance" or "couples appeal" movie from Femme Productions. No cumshots/penetration and only split-second looks at genital areas.
Shanna(post boob-job,Urgh!) and Mark Davis are a married couple who seem to be having some troubles. They talk a bit in bed, and in sort of spoof of most porn, mark tries his move, and they actually don't have sex. Shanna gets a call about her grandmother dying, and leaves to go to her house.
Shanna discovers some old blanket amongst the belongings, and it seems this blanket causes arousal(this is the "gift"). A couple drop by to look at the now for sale house. AFter about 10 seconds(some set-up for romance,huh:), Diane Cannon and some guy who looks a lot like Mike Horner get down to sex. A little tease, some boob-licking,eating at the Y, followed by a 5 second BJ and doggie. No penetration or cum shot in Femme, and this whole scene lasts about 3 minutes tops. Woefully dull ,regardless of whether you want romance or raunch.
Next, Shanna wraps herself up in this magic blanket, and that gets her into a pretty good solo scene that is better than most. Unfortunately,besides The End, this is the highlight of the flick.
Micki Lynn and some real goof "Joey D"(looks like Joey Ramone) stop by to take a look at the house. After all of a minute or so, Lynn sits on the blanket, and it's another sex scene. SPlit second shot of a semi-stiffy and a glimpse of bush. Some "implied" rimming. 5 second BJ,mish for about 15 seconds, and doggie with about 3 thrusts to cap it off. While I think most sex scenes in porn is boringly too long and lose a lot of steam by dragging on forever, the scenes in this one are ridiculously short, like a minute or minute and a half tops, with no set-up except getting close to the blanket.
Angel SMith and some unknown dude are the next house-shoppers, and they get so turned-on that they do a missionary screw for about 15 seconds. wow, turn the A/C on, it's getting scorching now:) That's literally the sex scene.
Mark Davis shows up to reunite with Shanna, and they have a very long scene(by this movie's standard), of a couple of minutes. It looked good for a moment, but that's when it ended.
Conclusion: "The Gift" isn't a flick for couples,people who like romance, or people that want hot sex. Women aren't going to like this non-action,non-story,non-character flick any more than you are.The characters are as undeveloped and the plot non-existant as any standard porn fare you can pick up anywhere,anytime. The sex scenes are sooooo short that if even they were hot, if you blinked you missed half of it. The set-ups for sex are even worse and shorter than a gang-bang flick. Most "R" rated movies are more sexually explicit, and have better scenes than this by far, even the Grade-C crap. With about 10 seconds of editing a bush shot or a limp one, this movie is barely "R" material. I can't figure out who the hell would like this one. To twist Potter Stewart's famous quote around: "I know porn when I see it, and The Gift sure ain't it."
On the Imperator scale, the production values(good) and the Shanna solo-scene save this from an absolute ZERO. Give this dog 0.5, and beware of anyone bearing "The Gift." Show your lady this one when you both want to be turned-off severely.