WICKED PICTURES (1995)
director: Paul Norman
starring: PJ Sparxx, Jill Kelly, Niki Darling, Channone, Vince Voyeur, Dick Nasty, Tom Byron, Dr. Dan, Nick Knight
SCENE 1:
The setting is the stage of a highly exclusive strip club where unsuspecting couples, Jill / Vince, and PJ / Dr. Dan, have spent large amounts of cash to witness a live sex show. Unfortunately for them (and for the viewer), the exhibitionist sex unites the amazingly unattractive couple of Niki Darling and this fierce Puerto Rican guy who I�ve not been able to identify. I�m not certain of Niki�s exact race but I am certain that she is NOT lookin� good. Oh sure her body is ok (if you can overlook that corncob sized scar on her shoulder blade which suggests she�s been branded), but if you�re like me and place emphasis on faces, you�ll be pushing the ol� FAST FORWARD immediately thereafter. The �action� of the scene begins when her partner presses her back against the stage�s brass pole, grips her butt firmly and then attempts to push his entire head inside her vagina, and I prolonged FAST FORWARD momentarily because, with the amount of gel in his hair, there was a chance he might have actually succeeded. Also of note, during the horrific cunnilingus hours, he employs this bizarre rapid tongue fluttering technique that reminded me of highly sophisticated fishing tackle. The scene ends with a difficultly-acheived anal in which we are treated to the appetizing sight of something slimy and yellowish falling from his dick as he positions it.
The audience is, understandably, none-too-amused, other than PJ who is inexplicably aroused, and I had to chuckle at Dr. Dan looking at her flushing face with disgust.
SCENE 2:
Well, it turns out that Dr. Dan was upset, not because PJ somehow found anything remotely erotic about the aforementioned scene, but merely because he was jealous. What follows is a markedly unsettling scene in which he orders her to get out of the car and have sex with a dirty, straggly-haired vagrant (Tom Byron) on the sidewalk. PJ obeys wordlessly, wearing her drab pink dress that looks suspiciously like the waitress uniforms from Mel�s Diner, if you remember the bad sit-com, Alice. Even if you look past the utterly repulsive psychological suggestions of the scene, PJ is looking even dumpier than usual, and when she unhappily lifts and spreads her elephantine thighs, I assure you that this viewer was anything but erect. So as PJ goes through the motions, with her eyes screaming, "Save ME!!" throughout, we have to put up with the observing Dr. Dan saying things like, "Look at her lips. Do you want to fuck her?" AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL.
SCENE 3: Meanwhile back at the club, Vince has also transformed into a bastard and orders Jill, who is a stripper, to have sex with the first guy who approaches her for a lap dance, so that he can watch. Unfortunately for Jill, her first patron is a muscular guy with short-on-top/long-in-back hair wearing a truly hideous pair of jams. Jill, lookin� good in a lacy turquoise bra and a silver mini skirt, with silver thigh high boots, is the film�s only redeeming attraction. This scene is very brief and segueways directly into her subsequent encounter with Vince in the dressing room. Both Jill and Vince, we are expected to believe, are greatly aroused by now and waste no time getting his head up the silver skirt. "Ummm do you like my pussy?", she moans. Whatever. (FAST FORWARD while rolling my eyes.) But, once she gets him on the floor and pins his arms above his head, the film finally begins to score points. Except for the extreme close-ups of her slightly craterous complexion, she�s definitely exquisite and Vince is never able to get off the floor as she holds him prisoner from within. There is no definite resolution as his climax is internal. We know this because when she dismounts him, a large and disgusting supply of jism oozes from her and spills onto his chest. To make it worse she slides up, sticks her gooey snatch in his face, and makes him lick it. Maybe I�m in the minority here, but I was grossed out. Nonetheless, the scene was good.
SCENE 4:
PJ shows up to work at the club and sits down and introduces herself to Jill who is beautiful and applying makeup. They instantly hit it off and PJ ingeniously chooses "Fire" as her stagename to correspond with Jill�s "Ice."
Next thing you know it is their turn to dance for the high-paying couples and we�re �treated� to a high-energy strip show in which they begin in police uniforms and disrobe to reveal matching outfits that may best be described as a series of dog collars linked together to create an effect that is riveting for Jill, and shriveling for PJ whose big ass prances awkwardly about the stage.
The onlooking patrons this time are hot little Chanonne (Shannon?) and Dick Nasty who looks almost exactly like football great, Terry Bradshaw. I don�t have to tell you that while Channone (here with very short hair) is right up there with Vanessa Chase when it comes to not getting the acknowledgment she deserves (check out the limo scene in JULIA ANN SUPERSTAR); as gorgeous as she may be, I can not deal with the baboonish facial expressions and body hair of Dick Nasty. Thus, the scene becomes a total waste of her considerable merits.
The film ends with the continuation of the g/g between PJ and Jill which held my interest for as long as it took me to find the remote.
Conclusion: One decent scene with Jill -- but the predictable stupid g/g, and the waste of Channone are unforgivable.
Rating: 2