From: [email protected]
Date sent: Sun, 13 Jul 97 15:27:51
Subject: Review: FLASHFLOOD
Long a lurkin', first time postin'. Here goes:
"Flashflood" from Coast to Coast 1997 Produced and Directed by Wil Divide, Starring Shauna Edwards, Jacklyn Lick, Kay London, Julie Rage, Naomi & Cortknee
As a major fan of female ejaculation (yes it really exists), I looked forward to renting this vid, which breathlessly describes itself on its cover as a "Watershed Squirt Epic".
What a load. Literally. Every single "squirt" shot is so obviously
faked it makes the early "Grafenburg Girls" look like a documentary.
This movie is like a bad Raunch-a-Rama comp (is that redundant, or
what?) that insists you take seriously the prosthetic breasts of Dixie
Dynamite and the phallus-from-a-truss endowments of Dan Steele, or
whatever his name is.
Why oh why do the makers of this video insult our intelligence with
hastily-cut-to-douche-water-expulsions when we have so many incredibly
hot women who can *really* ejaculate (The Goddess Taylor Hayes, Taren
Steele, Nici Sterling, Stephanie Swift, Anna Malle...)?
The flick was written by Mellisa Monet, who as a squirter herself (she
was the hottest thing in Pussyman 8: The Squirt Queens and Oh My Gush!
#1) should know better. Maybe she does and just gave the script to Wil
Divide who couldn't round up any real gushers and figured what the hell,
they'll never know the difference anyway. Well, we do. Wil Divide,
are you out there? By passing such obvious fakery off as the real
thing, you give ammunition to all those who continue to deny the
existence of an incredibly special and erotic phenomenon. Shame on you.
As for the rest of movie, it sucks too. Bone-witheringly bad
production values (in an early newsroom scene, the sound level drops to
a whisper and continues that way for another 15 minutes), generic
couplings, and about ten seconds of anal. The only redeeming moment
came from a close-up of Cortknee's luscious pink marble getting licked
and sucked by a very lucky mouth.
Under the title on the box, the makers proclaim "The New Squirt Series
from Coast to Coast, the Makers of Rainwoman!" Rainwoman is a very
successful series because people know they're getting the real thing
(okay, Christy Lake may have been faking it in the last two). If
Flashflood is the start of a whole new series, then we can look forward
to even more fakery, bad production values and the worst sin of all,
boring sex. Let's hope Coast to Coast and Wil Divide show a little more
respect for the renting and buying public next time.