Flashflood

From: [email protected]
Date sent: Sun, 13 Jul 97 15:27:51 Subject: Review: FLASHFLOOD

Long a lurkin', first time postin'. Here goes:

"Flashflood" from Coast to Coast 1997 Produced and Directed by Wil Divide, Starring Shauna Edwards, Jacklyn Lick, Kay London, Julie Rage, Naomi & Cortknee

As a major fan of female ejaculation (yes it really exists), I looked forward to renting this vid, which breathlessly describes itself on its cover as a "Watershed Squirt Epic".

What a load. Literally. Every single "squirt" shot is so obviously faked it makes the early "Grafenburg Girls" look like a documentary. This movie is like a bad Raunch-a-Rama comp (is that redundant, or what?) that insists you take seriously the prosthetic breasts of Dixie Dynamite and the phallus-from-a-truss endowments of Dan Steele, or whatever his name is.
Why oh why do the makers of this video insult our intelligence with hastily-cut-to-douche-water-expulsions when we have so many incredibly hot women who can *really* ejaculate (The Goddess Taylor Hayes, Taren Steele, Nici Sterling, Stephanie Swift, Anna Malle...)? The flick was written by Mellisa Monet, who as a squirter herself (she was the hottest thing in Pussyman 8: The Squirt Queens and Oh My Gush! #1) should know better. Maybe she does and just gave the script to Wil Divide who couldn't round up any real gushers and figured what the hell, they'll never know the difference anyway. Well, we do. Wil Divide, are you out there? By passing such obvious fakery off as the real thing, you give ammunition to all those who continue to deny the existence of an incredibly special and erotic phenomenon. Shame on you. As for the rest of movie, it sucks too. Bone-witheringly bad production values (in an early newsroom scene, the sound level drops to a whisper and continues that way for another 15 minutes), generic couplings, and about ten seconds of anal. The only redeeming moment came from a close-up of Cortknee's luscious pink marble getting licked and sucked by a very lucky mouth.
Under the title on the box, the makers proclaim "The New Squirt Series from Coast to Coast, the Makers of Rainwoman!" Rainwoman is a very successful series because people know they're getting the real thing (okay, Christy Lake may have been faking it in the last two). If Flashflood is the start of a whole new series, then we can look forward to even more fakery, bad production values and the worst sin of all, boring sex. Let's hope Coast to Coast and Wil Divide show a little more respect for the renting and buying public next time.


Created: July 13, 1997 -- 05:15 PM
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