En Garde

Newsgroups: alt.sex.movies
Subject: Review: En Garde
From: [email protected] (Sleepless in Seattle)
Date: Thu, 21 Dec 1995 20:28:55 UTC


Prolog - I started out to find a movie with some variety and with
my type of women as the stars. Following my successful viewing of
Lust Runner, I though maybe Jim Enright might be a good choice for
director. So, I found one and thought I had it made. The right cast
and the potential for a small story to go with it. I was wrong, read
on to find out why.

- En Garde - 1993 - Dreamland - Jim Enright Director

Starring -  Serenity as Ariana Adoree,  Tiffany Mynx as Constance
Ponds, Melanie Moore and Leonie Black, Crystal Wilder as Miss
Peacemeal, Sahara as Mara Bridgemont,

Guys - Terry Thomas as Senator Sutton, Peter North as Shawn Reece,
TT Boy as John Stewart the "Director", Jake Williams as
Congressman Hammond (non-sex role), and Jim Enright as Andrew
(non-sex role) as The Director's faithful butler. 

Catering - Nicole London ( no; REALLY!)

Plot - A gang of women set out to control the country through the
use of sex and mind control. Our "hero" secret service agent Shawn
Reece is out to save us under the calm leadership of John Stewart
his "director".

Scene List
Miss Peacemeal and Senator Sutton
Leonie Black, Constance Ponds, and Ariana Adoree
Mara Bridgemont and Shawn Reece  
Leonie Black and John Stewart
Mara Bridgemont and Ariana Adoree

Rating for those who don't want to wait: 1.0

This movie could easily have been called Beautiful Blondes Butts
Bamboozle Bureaucrats. It had everything it needed to be a hit in
my book with Crystal Wilder, Tiffany Mynx, and Melanie Moore
involved and the potential for some new (to me) talent in the form
of the pretty if not beautiful Serenity and the interesting
Sahara.  It also had a very good silly-cone factor, 60%
silly-cone free. With Serenity listed as the star, I found it
interesting that Sahara got more, better, scenes. Apparently the
editor found out the film was going south and tried to save it. He
failed. Peter North proved that, given some training he could be a
passable B movie actor and Crystal at least spoke her words without
falling over them. As for the rest, TT Boy proved he should keep
his mouth shut and Serenity proved she should remain a dancer,
hooker, or whatever, because her sex scenes were so bad I never want
to have to watch another. The delectable Mynx was wasted in her
only scene but I won't hold that against her, and Melanie Moore
who's claim to fame in her own words is her love of anal sex, was
likewise wasted though she appeared more often. The scenes in
brief, because they weren't much to talk about, follow. 

Crystal turned in her usual totally involved performance the her
significant other Terry Thomas in the first scene. She seems to be
more into it when she's with him and that is probably because there
are personal feelings involved. I knew the movie was bad when the
closest CW got to being anally impaled was two of Terry's fingers up
her butt. She did an interesting cowgirl face fuck and a vigorous RC
but, without any quality camera work, this was wasted.  He pops on
her face and she cleans him up well with her tongue. 

The G/G/G scene with Serenity, Mynx, and Melanie was bland to poor.
No heat at all and a waste of these ladies lovely behinds. Bad
camera angles, no heat, like I said, a waste.

Sahara is an interesting entity. For those who have never seen her
she is a tallish lady with nice, natural, tits and apparently, a
love of dolphins as she has one tattooed on her pubic area and wore
one on a necklace. Her face is plainish with a nose made to look
bigger because her hair was pulled back throughout the flick. She
has a flat butt, no shape to it in clothes, but it wasn't
unpleasant to look at. Not an ugly girl certainly but an acquired
taste. Anyway, she must of had a thing with the cameraman because
she alone got good full length body shots longer than two seconds
in duration.  Her scene with our man Peter was OK. She had plenty
of suction on the blow job and took all of Pete from an over the
top position. From there she dry mounted him for a nice RC where
the long shot makes her look real good. They turn doggy and he pops
on her butt.

TT Boy and Melanie Moore, who can be a real wild ride, are next.
She deep throats him while fingering herself, turns doggy and
fingers some more before having her ass and pussy slapped quite
loudly if not hard. TT mounts her doggy and pulls her hair while
he fucks her. She turns cowgirl and then jumps off so he can pop   a good
load (well good for our lad TT) on her face but mostly on the rug.

The final scene is a short Sahara / Serenity scene of which I can
remember nothing and I have no notes at all. Serenity is blonde with a
pretty face and a nice ass that she never used well. She appears to prefer
ladies as that's all she really did though she implied some male action.
Her tits could have seriously injured someone had she ran into them or
fallen on them. She should have used them instead of the foil in the last
scene. Ah well 

There was a great chance for Peter and Mynx to go at it. They end
up alone in a bathroom at the "mansion" of TT boy but just look at
each other meaningfully in the mirror in spite of the fact Pete's
supposed to be a sex slave at this point. I suppose the reason is
he's "Serenity's" sex slave.  But, looking at her and Mynx, it's a
no contest; Mynx is the winner.

That's really the story here. Great possibilities and talent
wasted. A story that could have been done in spite of the low
talent level, and a director who spent too much time in the movie
itself to do a good job. The movie ends with Serenity being killed
in a fencing contest. I hope it was the end of here career because
she was breathing air another woman could have been breathing
better in this film.  One other note of note as it were. Nicole
London was credited as providing the catering for the film my guess
is she went out for pizza. In any case, she would have been a
better star than Serenity. Once again, a miscasting by Mr.
Enright. I hope that I am correct in my assessment of the gradual
improvement of Mr. Enright's directorial abilities as seen in Lust
Runner. This film being two year older I should have guessed it
would have been a dog. But, the cast made me give it a shot. Don't
you make the same mistake. As I said. 1.0 on the Imperial scale and
only that because of the world class asses of Ms Wilder, Ms Mynx,
and Ms Moore and the willingness (if less than enthusiastic) Sahara.


Standard personal information about MOI and a disclaimer
follows. This review is of course my copyright and if you steal
from it without credit you are obviously an unworthy person who
parentage is in doubt. Having said that; read this.

I am a leg and ass man. I like nice, natural breasts, but large ones
are not essential and if they are not pleasing to look at a
distraction. I like enthusiastic, smiling ladies who are treated
decently by the men. The ladies need not be beautiful but they must
be pleasing to look at and enjoy their work. The most beautiful
woman who scowls or looks as though she could be having as much fun
reading plumbers weekly, is a waste of time. I follow the Imperator's
lead with regard to honesty in packaging, cast lists, and the need
to treat the customer with respect. I always try to take the movies
for what they are rather than what they pretend to be. I use the
Imperial Scale for Rating. It is posted in the Imperator's reviews
and I will not reproduce it here. My review and rating should be
considered with these things in mind. 

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