Prod/Dir : Patrick Collins
Stars : Roscoe Bowltree, Careena Collins, Marilyn Martin, Joey Silvera, Nici Sterling, Sofia Ferrari, Petra, Jake Steed, Shawn Ricks, Andrea, Mike DeShane, Bruce Seven.
ELEGANT ANGEL PRODUCTIONS
Before we begin, I'd like to say that I have not seen either of the previous "Bottom Dweller" movies (and after this I don't think I want to!) so I may be missing out on several in-jokes. Although I doubt this...
Anyway, we open with some lovely scenic shots of a harbour and see Patrick... erm, Roscoe cruising his boat (The Bottom Dweller) around the seas, to the nautical tones of John Further's soundtrack. Here he reprises his role as Harry Dweller, the world famous sex therapist cum sailor who, at the start of this film, tells us that due to the fact that his Uncle (Bruce Seven) has died, the IRS wish to freeze all his assets and steal his boat. (Huh?) However, he thinks B7 is still alive.
So, not being too happy about this he decides to visit Careena Collins, the banker from Hell, who (to begin with) isn't much of a help to him. However, she's heard a rumour that he's a world famous sex therapist and says that she'll get on the phone to her pals at the IRS, if he'll cure her sexual hang-ups. We now enter a five minute exchange of dialogue in which Careena's character is introduced as being an ex-nurse, a workaholic, a member of the KKK (!) and a girl who, despite only having had sex in the missionary position, wants to see if a dog will cum in her mouth if she sucks it off for long enough!!! (Puppy squeals rip across the soundtrack as she says this!) Roscoe decides to "help" her. In order to do this, he makes her masturbate in front of him for awhile, while he calls her names like "slut". She looks bored throughout this masturbation sequence and continues to look bored as she is rolled over to Roscoe to give him a VERY brief BJ before he blows his wad in her mouth. She spits it all out extremly quickly and awaits her next instructions...
Roscoe tells her to go to his house, blindfold herself and wait for a man to come along... This man, as it happens, is Jake Steed. He appears before her, she sucks him off, he sticks it in her. I notice that in this scene (and the last) Careena has this AWFULLY annoying habit of purring like a cat. It's loud and offputting. To make things worse, Jake grunts like a boar during the sequence, and therefore, any heat that may have been generated is lost in a plethora of animal noises! We get a brief (10 seconds?) Reverse-cowgirl which isn't erotic at all, before Careena flips herself round for a spot of anal cowgirl. This goes on for awhile, is very repetetive, and Careena is almost fully clothed, to boot. Definately not a good thing. I think there's a bit of doggie after this, but I FF'd through it, until the facial at the end, which wasn't too good (most of the cum landed on the blindfold!). Only after the facial does Jake say (in a sinister voice) that he's a black man, and Careena (being a KKK member) looks as if she's about to vomit. Can you please explain, Patrick, what you considered was either a) erotic or b) relevant in that scene? Careena's character vanishes after this, never to be seen again, and the whole exercise seems like a depressing waste of time. Also, the sex seemed VERY rough and not too pleasant...
Anyway, now we cut to Roscoe and Joey Silvera walking along the harbour, Roscoe explaining his problems to Joey. Joey claims to have once been a private dick and offers to locate Bruce Seven. Interestingly, Joey says that B7 was last seen in Brazil, despite the fact that Roscoe had earlier mentioned the Bermuda Triangle. Then again, this is an Elegant Angel film, so I guess it wouldn't be complete without a trip to either Brazil or Hungary! Anyhow, Roscoe gives Joey $500 and then goes to visit one of his many "patients", Mike DeShane.
Mike has a problem (not explained at all) so Roscoe's solution is that Mike fantasizes about screwing. Huh? What sexual hangup could possibly be solved by fantasizing about screwing? Surely too much fantasizing is a hangup in itself? I'm confused... Anyhow, Mike hallucinates that some foreign blonde chick called Petra is fondling herself on his pool table. She's not too pretty and is just too large for my likings, although videographer Michael Cates does get some nice upskirt shots of her as she plays pool (I like those sort of voyeuristic angles). This lasts all of five minutes, before Roscoe tells him to keep fantasizing until the problem goes away (!). Huh? Anyway, Mike does this... First we see Petra using a vibrator on herself for a bit, then we move outdoors where Mike screws Petra, in an average (at best) scene. There's a bit of anal in there somewhere, for those who care, but it's badly executed and devoid of heat. The scene ends in a very small shot to the chin. Petra looks really upset that nothing much came out!
Now we move on to some more irrelevant bullshit (IN BLACK AND WHITE!!!) with Joey dreaming that he's on a boat or something screwing a VERY ugly girl with a grossly oversized butt. This is Andrea, BTW. She sucks him off, briefly, he very quickly penetrates her and then Roscoe appears to wake him up. No cum shot and we're back to colour again. It turns out that Joey's been drinking and as a result Roscoe's decided not to employ him to find B7. Roscoe walks off, and on comes Marilyn Martin, the lady from the IRS. She asks Joey where she can find Harry Dweller, and out of guilt for letting Roscoe down, Joey tells her that HE is Harry Dweller.
She takes him up to a hotel room (no reason) and her burly bodyguard seems to want to throw him off the balcony. She says that this is not nessecary and then she states that she's heard about his therapist skills and wants him to (guess what?!) treat her sexual hangups! So we adjourn to the bedroom (hehe)...
Marilyn is adorable, but that goes without saying. We begin with a little bit of foot fetish/toe sucking (This IS a Patrick Collins film) but I'll forgive him this time, as Marilyn as the most pretty little feet I've seen in a long time, and I have to admit that I wouldn't mind sucking on them myself! After this has gone on for a few minutes she gives him a BJ, before he flings her on to the bed and they both get nekkid. The scene that follows is remarkably hot. Reasons? Firstly, Marilyn. She's really nice to look at (IMHO, of course) so that's an immediate plus. Although, she is wearing a little too much make-up in this scene... Secondly, it's done on a bed for a change, instead of all these weird settings that the modern day porn filmmakers tend to like. Thirdly, the lighting is a lot better in this scene than in the rest of the movie. Finally, Joey Silvera's a much better performer than all the other males in the cast. True, he looks like everyone's "Uncle Frank" but when you compare him to the last Bozo (Mike DeShane) you can see that he gets the job done, PROPERLY. Anyhow, he rubs Marilyn's (remarkably fleshy) inner labia for a bit, to her obvious delight, then screws her (mish as Peter would say) for a few minutes, with Marilyn making a lot of noise. They swap positions for a bit of cowgirl, during which she rubs her adorable little body all over him (lucky S.O.B.) and then he rolls her on her side for some anal. My jaw dropped when she went a2m THREE TIMES IN A ROW!!! They probably would have done it for longer, but Joey (understandably so) is too aroused to continue and pops his load in her mouth. A dissappointing climax to an otherwise sizzling scene.
Now, back to the crap.... Gratuitous footage of Joey on a beach in Brazil, obviously outtakes from other Evil/Elegant Angel movies. Then we cut to Roscoe's house, where he is sitting with Shawn Ricks, Nici Sterling and Sofia Ferrari, more so-called patients with imaginary hangups. No explanations, they just break into a four-way screw. We start with some ultra-dull foot fetish shit from Roscoe on Nici, before breaking into a super-slow g/g with Sofia and Nici, then Nici sits on Shawn's face while Sofia blows Roscoe. I must say now that I don't think much of Nici Sterling (looks too much like a cheap whore for my tastes) and Sofia is merely passable, so that could be why I didn't like this scene. But as it continues, we get cowgirls, rev-cowgirls, a walk-around-the-room anal on Nici, some oily anal on Sofia, some "squirting" from Nici (**Note : Roscoe's hand is in the way, so I can't tell if this is an orgasm or if she's just incontinent. Either way, I wouldn't want to be on the recieving end**), blow jobs galore, and much swapping about of partners. It ends with a couple of oral cumshots and a bit of blowing bubbles with the semen (Tres gross). Chalk up another sexual hangup cured by the great Harry Dweller. NOT!
Anyhow, to wrap up this mess of a film, we now see Roscoe making his way to the IRS (What happened to Joey? More to the point, what happened to Careena? I thought she was supposed to solve this mess!) to tell them that he wasn't giving them a penny. They say that he doesn't have to because his Uncle Bruce has turned up and sitting in the office. The film ends with Bruce telling Patrick :-
"Next time you want to find me, try your computer. I'm on the internet!"
Oh, God, please...
Anyhow, overall, a GRAVE disappointment from Mr Collins. I KNOW he can do better than this... All the sex scenes were pooperoos except the Marilyn one, the plot was limp and what little there was was contradictory, confusing and stupid, the humour was non-existant and the scene with Careena and Jake was postivitely sinister, and overall the whole thing left with a bad taste in my mouth, much like I'm sure it did Marilyn (a2m THREE TIMES! Still can't believe that).
Ripped off by Elegant Angel... Whatever next? I may have expected this sort of shit from John T Bone, but from Patrick?! Oh, it makes me want to weep... Never mind.
I give this one a 2.00 on the Imperial scale, but consider the following points:
Actually the more I think about it, it probably deserves much less...
Happy viewing!