A Clock Strikes Bizarre On Butt Row

From: JMT ([email protected])
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.erotica
Subject: Review: A Clock Strikes Bizarre On Butt Row
Date: Fri, 04 Apr 97 19:05:55
Organization: Buttmen of America
Lines: 261


A CLOCK STRIKES BIZARRE ON BUTT ROW
DIRECTOR: JOEY SILVERA
CAST: DAWN BURNING, VICTORIA GOLD, JANAI, RUBY, BRIDGETTE, LEXI ERIKSSON,
MONTANA GUNN, LIL LEE AND THE SAME STUDS YOU'VE SEEN A MILLION TIMES
EVIL ANGEL VIDEO

There's an old saying in the entertainment business: Make it anything but
boring. While the big name porn companies (VCA, Vivid, Wicked, et al)
ignore this saying, the guys who make up Evil Angel (Stagliano, Greg Dark,
John Leslie, Rocco, DeRenzy and especially Joey Silvera) revel in it.

It's not going to be easy to give a linear review to this tape as, like
just about everything that comes from Evil Angel, it's basically a series
of unrelated sex scenes, some better than other, some pretty hot and some,
well, bizarre.

Joey Silvera has been around forever. I can still remember him screwing a
passed out Desiree Cousteau in the original Pretty Peaches way back in
1978. When I watched that scene, I had no idea, almost 20 years later, he
would still be around, directing and occassionally acting.

As an actor, I've always found Silvera to be sort of a pest. I always
groaned real loud whenever he walked on camera in a Buttman movie, acting
weird and spaced out. The act was boring and not really believable. He came
across like an oversexed version of comedian Stephen Wright. You might
laugh a couple of times, but you eventually reached for the fast forward
button.

As a director, though, Silvera, like John Leslie, seems to have found his
real calling. I'll be honest and admit I haven't seen all of Silvera's
tapes, but the ones I have viewed lead to me to believe when it comes to
modern day standards (I don't care if she looks in the camera when she
reads her lines, just as long as she looks good fucking) Silvera could one
day rank with the best.

The main draw of this tape will undoubtedly be the transsexual scene and
we'll get to it eventually. It's a bizarre, interesting scene and everybody
will have their own reaction to it. Most people (meaning us guys) will
watch the tape for the scene, but never in a million years admit it.

First though, Silvera starts things off by pestering a blonde at his mail
box. There are four blondes on this tape and I must admit I'm not sure
which one is which. So, I'll guess, and my guess for the first scene is
Lexi Eriksson.

Whichever one she is, she won my heart over by providing Silvera with some
breath taking butt shots as she walked toward the house. (Porn owes more
than it'll ever be able to repay to John Stagliano.)

Once inside the house, we find Tatiano and Lil Lee, two brunettes, lounging
around, taking it easy. Silvera proceeds to hand the three women report
cards, although what they're being graded on, we're never told. Eriksson
and Tatiano both failed miserably whatever classes they were taking while
Lil Lee passed with all A's. This doesn't sit well with the other two, who
decide Lil Lee needs to be punished for being such a "good girl."

This is where things begin the descent into the bizarre the title hints at.
Lil Lee, who has a nasty looking hairy bush (down with pubic hair, I say!),
gets frigged and licked into next week by the two women. She then beginsto
squirt all the place and it is truly repulsive looking. I'm not really sure
about this squirting thing and when you combine it with her less than
appetizing looking bush, I began to feel a little dizzy.

After too much time is spent on the three way lesbian stuff, Silvera leads
the girls out to what looks like an empty, dilapidated and long forgotten
swimming pool. Sitting in the exact middle of it is a glistening,
blindingly white toilet. Eriksson and Tatiana proceed to make Lil Lee lick
the toilet. Oh, well. Whatever turns you on, I guess.

Just as I was beginning to think Silvera was some kind of weird combination
of Bruce Seven and Henri Pachard, Mark Davis appears at the edge of the
pool and demands to know what's going on. After Silvera talks some in his
usual way of stammering and stuttering, and the girls walk around with
vacant smiles on their faces, we find ourselves back in the living room.

The sex becomes pretty routine at that point. Davis plugs each girl and
manages to come twice, startling Silvera the first time. "Don't worry,
there's plenty more where that came from," he assures Silvera and pushes
back into Lil Lee.

Davis finishes off the scene by plugging Tatiana up the butt, but it's not
a completely satisfying anal as the position they're in never really
changes. Tatiano does have a nice looking butthole, though.

Davis finishes off the scene by letting his dick do its usual slow droolon
the girls and, almost 30 minutes later, the first scene finally ends.

The second scene features another blonde, Montana Gunn, I'm pretty sure,
and Randy West and Vince Voyeur. I know. The name Randy West makes your
finger itch for the fast forward button, but don't worry. He doesn't really
do that much in the scene.

The scene opens with Gunn posing seductively for Silvera's camera. They're
outside, but it's hard to tell where as Silvera keeps the angle tight. Gunn
is telling him how she wants to make a porn movie to get back at her
mother. The mother, apparently, was the bearded circus lady and abandoned
Gunn at an early age. This led Gunn to attempt suicide several times.

I have serious doubts that any of this is true, but Gunn manages to relate
it all without once stumbling over her lines or giving an indication that
she's saying something she's been told to say. Why can't this be done in
movies where story lines are actually attempted? I doubt Montana Gunn is
the one great porn actress we've all been waiting for since the golden age
ended. Or did Silvera just point the camera at her and tell her to say
whatever came to mind?

Either way, Gunn eventually ends up encased inside a fence where West and
Voyeur appear, sticking their dicks through the chain link contraption to
have them sucked. I'm not a fan of West at all, never have been, and Voyeur
has become a little more tolerable since he cut his hair and stopped trying
to pose every second he was on camera.

Through the magic of editing, the trio end up in somebody's back yard,
where West makes a brief stab at Gunn before Voyeur takes over and gives
her a pretty good fucking. Gunn is attractive, and she comes across as
enthusastic for what she's doing, especially when Voyeur rams it home in
her asshole. This is shot mainly in the doggy style and Silvera finds an
excellent angle and actually sticks with it for more than a couple of
seconds. If you like anal where there are no obstructions, this scene will
help you enjoy the day better.

West and Voyeur get their rocks off, looking like an absurd father/son
team, then Silvera, actually showing a sense of continuity, asks Gunn if
this scene will be enough to piss her mother off. Gunn replies she believes
it will be.

The next scene may the most bizarre of all in that is a standard
girl/girler that wouldn't look out of place in a Vivid or VCA tape. It
features red haired Ruby ( she ain't too bad, Pacho) and a blonde I'll call
Dawn Burning. The scene starts out with them pool side and end up with them
indoors, doing all the standard lesbian stuff to each other. Well, standard
lesbian stuff by porn standards.

I don't like girl/girl scenes and it's rare you find a stand alone one in
an Evil Angel product.The girls look good, but this scene really serves no
purpose unless Silvera was trying to reach what appears to be the mandated
Evil Angel running time of 2 hours and 20 minutes.

The next scene is the best one on the tape and proves two things. One, that
Tom Byron is probably the one porn stud I'll never get tired of (he appears
to actually have a clue as to what's going on) and that Alexandra Silk, if
she sticks with it, will soon have no peers when it comes to taking it up
the butt.

Silk and Byron are joined by Mark Davis (again) and a blonde I believe to
be Victoria Gold. Byron and Davis appear to be moving men and Silk and Gold
appear to serve no real purpose other than to provide a place for cocks to
rest.

The banal set-up, which appears to be the old let's fuck the moving guy
routine, is saved by the girls enthusiasm and Byron and Davis's
professionalism. I've already stated I'm a fan of Byron and while Davis's
uncut weiner makes my upper lip curl, he's not repulsive looking and he
does manage to keep a hard-on, even if his cum shots leave something to be
desired.

Silk is a plain looking brunette, but she's got a tight body, a great
attitude and takes both Davis's and Byron's sausages up her rear portal
with a huge smile on her face. Byron's analizing of her is particularly
delightful as Silvera catches every angle just right. This is a great anal,
the kind that rarely pops up in a tape outside of Evil Angel. Or Seymore
Butts line of work. Have to give credit where credit is due.

Gold is a very good looking blonde, and she's enthusiastic, and I wasn't
really disappointed her back door didn't get stretched. Silk more than made
up for that lapse.

The scene ends with the two women telling Silvera what great guys Byron and
Davis are. Again, they don't stutter their lines and they appear to be
saying something completely natural. Does knowing their name is going to
appear on a box cover next to the words Evil Angel increase these women's
acting ability? Or do they really think Byron and Davis are great guys?

The next scene is the one that will undoubtedly make this tape the most
popular in the Silvera cannon. Transexuals have been around in porn
forever. I once watched a TS tape out curiosity and found myself staringat
ugly fat guys with tits and tiny, limp dicks. I figured it didn't get much
better than this, and probably got a lot worse. I decided I wouldn't bother
with anymore TS tapes.

The TS named Bridgette in this tape has changed my mind. I don't think I
could bring myself to fuck what is basically a man taking hormone pills,
but Bridgette is damn good looking, displays a sense of humor, and most
stunning of all, wields a large, very hard, dick.

The scene opens with Silvera talking to Bridgette on the beach. She's
blonde with tiny titties and very long legs. Silvera tells her he knows a
guy with a really big dick  who'd jump at the chance to fuck her. Bridgette
is interested and spends a couple of minutes talking dirty to Silvera.
Silvera gets off a funny line here, telling her she certainly has the porn
dialogue down pat. I watch a lot of movies, she replies.

It's while they are driving in the car that Bridgette whips out her secret
weapon and gives Silvera a start. Actually, Silvera's surprise is so fake,
it almost drags the scene down. Almost.

Silvera and Bridgette end up at Stagliano's house and this moment gave me a
weird feeling all over. Here was Stagliano, in his editing bay, probably
just weeks away from an alleged tryst with a TS that reportedly gave him
the HIV infection, and Silvera was parading one in front of him. It was a
case of coincidence almost too bizarre to contemplate. If this was a field
where the business actually cared about its performers, I would feel safe
in saying that Silvera, out of respect for Stagliano, would delete this
scene from future volumes. But this is porn.

Bridgette doesn't reveal her secret to Stagliano, yet, and Silvera trots
off to find Rod Garetto. Garetto looks like Freddy Mercury in his hey day
and sports a large pecker. I've never heard of him and I've got to figure
he makes most of his money in gay movies. He just looks too much the part.

Silvera informs Garetto that he has a hot chick for him to fuck, but get
this, she has a dick. Garetto seems nonplussed by this, and proceeds to go
inside and fuck Bridgette fives ways to Sunday. Garetto never does suck
Bridgette and only gives her cock a few token tugs, but he fucks her ass
with rough house abandon. Bridgette has a little trouble taking Garetto's
oversized pole at first, but once it's in there, she takes it like a man.
(Sorry, couldn't resist.)

While Garetto drops a good sized load on Bridgette's face and chest, her
load is something to see. She pulls and tugs on her cock and unleashes a
huge load which goes everywhere, hitting her own stomach, chest, arm and
whatever was behind the couch. Her loud moans and groans would seem to
indicate she got a tremendous amount of pleasure out of the experience.

Silvera runs and tells Staglianp he's through shooting and that Bridgette
had a little trouble with anal, but everything came out all right.
Bridgette comes in then, her now limp dick hanging halfway to her knees.
Stagliano feigns shock, but you can tell it's nothing new to him. It's a
chilling scene knowing what we now know about Stagliano.

For most tapes, that would have been the final scene. What could follow it?
But Silvera tries, and the last scene is redeemed by the incredible beauty
of Janai. She's listed under the word "Introducing" on the box cover, and
I, for one, hope to see her in a lot more stuff. She is really gorgeous.

She's paired up with John Decker and the scene comes across almost like
something from one of Leslie's Voyeur tapes. Janai plays a stuck-up bitch,
who, after lots of teasing, deigns to let Decker fuck her. He gives her a
pretty good screwing, including a hard driving ass fuck, but the sex is
standard Evil Angel stuff. I.E., blows away other companies, but is cruise
control for the EA boys.

After Decker has shot his load, and Janai has shown her disdain for the
stuff by wiping it off her body with a sneer, Silvera pulls out his odd
shaped dick and get's a blow job from her. The tape then ends.

This is a damned good tape, one of the best I've seen recently. Take out
the pointless girl/girl scene, and you've got a smoker from end to end.
There's literally something for everyone.

Alexandra Silk takes it up the ass like a pro and Victoria and Jania
(especially Janai) are gorgeous. But the main attraction is going to be
Bridgette and her eight (maybe nine?) inch cock. Put aside your fear of
being labeled a "fag" and let her scene blow your mind.

I would highly recommend this tape to either rent or, as I did, buy. It's
simply that good.

Thanks for your time.