Breastman's Anal Adventure

From: Joey Markham ([email protected])
Subject: REVIEW: "Breastman's Anal Adventure"
Date: Tue, 13 May 1997 12:03:41 -0400 (EDT)




BREASTMAN'S ANAL ADVENTURE
director: Mitchell Spinelli.   EVN, 1993.
running time: 104 mins.

cast: Kristall, Sahara (Sands), Crystal Wilder, Lilli Xene, Nikki Sinn,
 Corinne Taylor (Valeria), Chelly Supreme, Mike Horner, Steve Drake, Tom
 Byron, Alex Sanders, Terry Thomas, Tony Salvano; Tony Tedeschi (non-sex).

rating: 6 out of 10 stars (or Imperial rating: 2.35 / 4.00 )


Breastman extraordinaire Tony Tedeschi sits this one out the whole time,
letting all the other guys do the boning.  Basically he's just having some
kind of dream/nightmare and ends up in some fantasy world loaded with people
walking about and doing their own thing (which obviously includes sex).
Some scenarios are just downright weird (like the one with Crystal Wilder)
but some of the sex does sizzle.  As for this being an 'anal' adventure,
three of the seven ladies don't perform it and two of the other four that
do only get dildo-anals.  There is also way too much (emphasis on 'way')
repitition in every scene, they should have called this one "Loopman's
Loopy Adventure".

(Scene 1): Kristall, Sahara Sands, Steve Drake, Tom Byron

- Sahara's natural breasts look fuller here (I guess she had the implants
done after giving birth) and she has much longer hair than I've ever seen
on her.  German maiden Kristall, who has always been part of porn's
second- or third-string line of starlets, looks very pretty - quite fresh-
faced.  Both guys wear condoms and never enter the two dirty blondes 
anally (even after they swap).  Steve ends up cumming on Kristall's belly
and pussy while Sahara keeps her face near Tom's cock as he explodes (he's
laying down on his back) but misses her mug completely.

(Scene 2): Crystal Wilder, Terry Thomas

- Crystal plays some hooker miming as if she's standing out on a street
corner and trying to hitch a ride.  She even pretends she pops open a can
of soda and gulps it down.  Terry, a cop, shows up and starts frisking her
in a way that would even get HIM arrested!  After some brief foot
worshipping, he eats her out and she returns the favor with a sloppy
blowjob.  Crystal slowly becomes wilder as the scene progresses and after
a doggy-anal (nice close-up) they cut (not a direct ass-to-mouth) to her
squating down and receiving several major blasts directly into her mouth
(spitting it out, however) and on her face.  She begged for it and she
definitely got what she wanted (Terry could also give Peter North some major
competition).  It's crystal clear that Wilder's a hot fuck-doll, but damn
that looping!

(Scene 3): Valeria, Chelly Supreme, Tony Salvano

- Salvano's in a jail cell with the two horny ladies.  They eventually start
getting it on.  Boy, has this guy's wood been given the chop - he fails to
get it hard!  He and Chelly do a brief stand-up fuck (they never pan down
for a penetration shot: was it staged?  Was he even too limp to give her
that much?) then they finally do lower the camera and we see him already
pulled out and shooting a weak load.  He then stands back and watches these
unsatisfied women resorting to some girl/girl action complete with dildo-
anal penetrations.  Chelly Supreme's an older woman with huge fake hooters
and a look that really makes her seem like a dyke-type.  Valeria (another
German maiden) is intense but has looked so much better.

(Scene 4): Lilli Xene, Mike Horner

- They're also at the precinct, but in another room (a non-cell) with a
table.  The orals are decent, then Mike enters Lilli's honeypot with a
condom on.  They're in missionary the whole time.  Huge hootered Lilli
is very vocal and intense, but longshots of her body reveal the flab in
her belly.  Still, there's something about her onscreen presence that I
find quite intelligent and demure.  A hefty cumshot on her chest ends the
scene that would have been scorching, but.. damn that looping!

(Scene 5): Nikki Sinn, Terry Thomas, Alex Sanders

- I've never really been a fan of Nikki Sinn's, even though I find she
usually comes across as a woman with a head on her shoulders and who has a
somewhat sleek personality.  This scene is pretty slow-moving, though.
Her then-natural breasts look nice but her left breast is marred with a
tattoo.  She looks into the scene but the heat level just never rises.
She has a little deep throat ability and one of the most clean shaven
pussies I've ever seen.  Alex dips into her anal passage with a condom
then blasts her ass with plumes of cum, while Terry (who obviously hadn't
had time to save up since his bout with Crystal) gives her pussy a weak
popshot.

This episode in the line of Breastman videos has a few hot moments, but
all with that deja-vue feeling (thanks to looping).  I swear, the sex
scenes each must have originally been two minutes long or something.  
Crystal and Lilli were hot and Valeria would have been too, if only she
had seen the light of dick (not a dick like Tony Salvano!).  This video
was also supposed to be Breastman's ANAL adventure.  So, why not have anal
in every scene?  You'll consider putting the Breastman series on your
avoid-list after watching this one.


Joey Markham
[email protected]