Blue Heaven

Date sent:        Tue, 29 Oct 1996 00:28:43 -0500 (EST)
From:             Joey Markham 
Subject:          REVIEW: "Blue Heaven" 


Video Exclusives.  Now there's a company to sign an exclusive contract with...
NOT!!!  They don't make good videos and they definitely waste good resources.
Don't you just hate it when they re-release an old movie of theirs and just
film one new scene to stick into it and pass off as a new release?  That really 
sucks, but I guess it rolls in the bucks for them.  As well as all that "Freaks
Of Nature" or "Raunch-O-Rama" or "Kink-O-Rama" crap.  When John Wayne Bobbitt
signed on to do porn, they were really desperate to boost their sales so they
got him to hop aboard their sinking ship.  That worked, but they still have
yet to make a movie that is WORTH it.  This video I'm reviewing was actually 
released by Infinity Video, but it belongs to the much bigger label (Video 
Exclusives).  

Now.  You're probably asking yourselves WHY I'm reviewing a movie put out by
this exclusively low-rate company.  One simple answer: Kelly Blue.  She is
one of my all-time favorite porn stars and unfortunate as it was, she did a
handful of videos for this company.  Her better work was definitely for 
companies other than this one, but this video features Kelly as its main star 
(with a script actually written for her and not putting her in one scene and
having her disappear after that).  She didn't have much luck getting good
roles but thankfully there are a few movies out there that showcase her raw
talent for sex (catch her in Michael Carpenter's "Sex Nurses" and see a 
totally wanton, energetic and sex-crazed woman in action!).

Let me tell y'about Kelly Blue.  I first saw her in some videos which were part
of the Australian Erotica line put out by Parliament and directed by John T.
Bone - who discovered her.  Those videos were so lame, they didn't bring out
Kelly's true star potential (as well as the other starlets who co-starred with
her, like Deidre Holland and Alice Springs).  Once she came down to the States,
she got herself a whole new look and adopted a whole new attitude as well.  
The somewhat shy girl who started off with shoulder length frizzy hair and 
small breasts (which were already enhanced) turned into a nastier, bustier sex
machine.  As for her hair, well, she had it cut real short (as it was in 
"Regarding Hiney") and often donned a wig in many of her other videos.  
Sometime during this transition, she was also marketed as a lookalike to 
Marilyn Monroe but it didn't last long (the only thing I can think of is her 
movie "Lady In Blue" where the box cover features her in a pose similar to 
that of Monroe from "Seven Year Itch" where her skirt is blown up from 
underneath).  Kelly's profile in the 1993 Adam Film World Directory states she
had a nose job, but I couldn't see much of a difference from her earlier to 
more recent work (she started in 1989 and disappeared around early 1992 making
approximately 40 videos altogether).  As for her boobjob, I am disappointed.
Very noticeable scars can be seen and she tends to cup her breasts to hide
them if she's not wearing a bra.  But other than that, she's got a nice figure,
luxurious legs, a plump butt (for those of you wondering, she only had anal
sex once in a movie called "Once In A Blue Moon") and an incredibly sexy 
accent that I could listen to all day long.


BLUE HEAVEN
director: Ron Jeremy.   Infinity Video, 1990.
cast: Kelly Blue, Talia James, Tianna Taylor (=Raven), Mandi Wine, Sasha Gabor,
 Tony Montana, Wayne Summers, Jimmy Pyke, Dan Steele.
running time: 74 minutes.

sex scenes:
- Kelly Blue, Tony Montana
- Talia James, Sasha Gabor
- Tianna Taylor, Jimmy Pyke
- Mandi Wine, Wayne Summers
- Kelly Blue, Dan Steele


The movie opens up with Kelly preparing herself to go out for a night on the
town.  She turns around and spots a rat she's been trying to get rid of for
days and places a small container of rat poison beside it.  "Have a great
cocktail, honey" she smiles as she heads out.  "It's on the house!"  We see
a close-up of the rat sticking its head inside the container.

Hours later.  Kelly returns with a guy named Todd (Tony Montana).  She invites
him inside to take a look at her place and they have a seat on her couch.  As
she stretches her legs out on his lap, he moves closer to her and she pushes
him off telling him she brought him inside to show him her place.  She mentions 
the rat and when Todd looks around asking where it is, she decides she'll tell
him about it later.  She suggests they watch some tv and he can tell her all
about himself.  All he wants to do is have a one night stand.  "No, honey" she
says.  "I'm not into one night stands."  But he keeps rubbing his hands all
over her body she eventually gives in to his advances.

- Kelly, I forgot to mention earlier, has the Marilyn Monroe-type hairdo here
so I guess this is another video that is supposed to market the comparison
between them.  Anyhow, there is a lot of kissing between Kelly and Tony.  He
even seems fixated on her big boobs, he really enjoys squeezing them together
and sucking on them.  Then he makes his way down to her lightly hairy pussy,
lapping away at it.  In return, she sucks on his nipples before giving him
head.  She sucks away eagerly, almost deep throating his member.  They do a
mish then a doggie and Kelly gets her chest sprayed with cum.

As they relax for a breather, Kelly gets up and tells Tony she'll be in the
washroom and for him to fix her a cocktail while she's gone.  Looking around,
Tony reaches over beside the couch and grabs the container of rat poison and
sniffs it.  He's surprised at how strong it smells and decides to go all out
by using it to make drinks for them.  He mixes it with a little something else
and pours two glasses.  Kelly returns and has a seat.  He hands her a glass 
and they toast to friendship.  Down the hatch it goes and they slowly drift
off into a deep sleep (so deep they never wake up again).

Kelly now finds herself at heaven's gate and is shocked to find out that she's
dead.  A voice from above (Ron Jeremy) speaks down to her.  "Look at the bright
side," he tells her.  "You're up here and your friend Todd is.. down there."
He goes on to ask a favor of her.  He wants to send her back to earth to 
various couples that are about to commit the same kind of sex that she did
before she died.  He wants her to promote things like relationships, romance,
getting to know eachother, having sodas, procreation.. the kind of things he
likes.  All she has to do is snap her fingers and change those people into
their way of thinking.  "Wow," she says in awe.  "So you're sending me back
to earth to do, like, a mission?"  That's exactly it and when she completes
this mission, she'll earn her wings.  One thing he warns her about is Satan.

Down in hell.  Satan (Sasha Gabor, wearing a plain suit but has make up on to
make his eyebrows pointy) says it's good to be inside because it's 'hot as 
hell' out there.  He's speaking to his own little errand-girl, Talia James,
and fills her in on God's latest plan to send Kelly around to various couples
and bring them all the finer things in life.  All Talia has to do is go back
to these same couples and change them back to doing and thinking kinky, nasty
things.  She wants to know what she'll get out of all this and he offers her
two things: one hundred years of youth before her soul becomes his... and a
quickie.  That's an offer she can't refuse and they get into it right there.

- Talia and Sasha start kissing (they're in an office) and then she sits up
on a desk as she lowers her top and lets him suck her breasts.  Later, after
they are both undressed, Sasha sits on the desk and lets Talia give him head.
She sits back down on the desk and spreads her legs to let him munch away on
her pussy.  They do a mish then a doggie (with very poor camera angles of the
action) and he pulls out to cum on her ass.  Sasha doesn't look like your
typical porn actor and his really old looking hairstyle is annoying.  There
are very brief moments of heat, but it all fades away when they cut to facial
close-ups.

Now we open up on Elliot (Jimmy Pyke, no relation to Gerry) who's waiting on
his bed for his lover Sharon (Tianna Taylor, pre-boobjob) and complaining about
how horny he is.  Enter Sharon, who tells him she has something to show him.
She disrobes to reveal some sexy lingerie.  He's intrigued and begins to touch
her then she thinks it may not be a good idea, that maybe they should get to
know eachother better by having dinner then going to see a show.  But he just
pulls her down on the bed and she giggles.  As they start kissing, Kelly
suddenly appears and looks over at the couple.  "Looks like I just came in
time," she says and snaps her fingers.  Elliot suddenly stops kissing Sharon
and tells her that maybe they shouldn't be doing what they're doing.  Maybe
they should get married, have a family, raise kids and go to church on Sundays.
Sharon's surprised at his sudden change of thought, then there's a knock at
the door.  Talia enters and says she's from the phone company and she's just
there to check Elliot's phone.  She checks it out, it works fine and she says
she's sorry.  Before leaving, she wants to have a little chat with Sharon.
She tells her she's got a really good looking guy there, she should just grab
the bull by the horns and jump him.  "If you want to keep him, you know, you
gotta do some of that pumping," Talia says.  "Go for it."  Then she leaves.
Sharon decides she's right and hops onto Elliot.  Kelly's stunned by what just
happened but sticks around to watch the couple go at it.

- As Tianna and Jimmy have sex, Kelly touches herself lightly.  She couldn't
have been all that aroused because this scene was quite boring.  They kiss,
he sucks on her breasts (Tianna's breasts were so perfect before the 
boobjob!), they give eachother head then they fuck missionary and cowgirl
style.  The cowgirl could've been much hotter if it was edited properly.
>From that position, Jimmy pulls out from underneath and cums on her ass.

God makes Kelly reappear at her house.  He tells her that new people have
moved in and moments later, a couple steps through the doorway (Mandi Wine,
Wayne Summers).  They sit down and he starts talking about how it's been five
days already and they should break in the new place by having sex.  As they
start kissing, Kelly snaps her fingers and they back away from eachother,
saying they can't do it.  He tells her they should wait and that they should
get to know eachother a little better.  She decides on it too, thinking they'd
live happily ever after if they do it that way.  There's a knock at the door.
Wayne answers it and Talia steps in.  She says she's from the sperm bank and
hands him a check for all his donations.  After she leaves, he's all confused,
telling Mandi he has no idea what's going on.  She thinks he's just shy about
it and figures he must be really horny if he's been donating sperm recently.
So she thinks their plan to wait before having sex is a bad idea after all
and they start going at it, as Kelly watches.

- Kelly watches on rather disinterestedly (or maybe she was longing to join in 
:-) as Wayne takes Mandi's breasts in his mouth.  They kiss passionately and 
then Mandi gives him head.  She's quite enthusiastic and even more into it (and
very vocal) when they fuck missionary style.  They turn over for a doggie then
Wayne cums all over her mouth (from the angle, it looked like she swallowed 
many loads but we see the other side of her face after and most of it landed 
there).  What a waste of Mandi, though.  This fiery redhead deserved much more
than to be handed over trashy movie roles such as this one.

In the end, both Mandi and Wayne decide they'd like to pursue their 
relationship further and eventually settle down.  (So does that mean the
score's tied so far at 1:1?  Am I actually paying close attention to details
here?  Ah, forget it...)

Back to Elliot's room.  He and a friend, Dan Steele, are sitting around and
he tells Dan they should go to the gym.  Dan says he's tired because he
already worked out and he'd just like to relax for a while.  So Elliot goes
off to the gym by himself and lets Dan watch his house for him.  Kelly
suddenly appears and makes her way over to Dan, who wonders if she's a friend
of Elliot's (what, she can be seen now??).  Anyhow, she goes on the bed next
to him and kisses him.  "This is awfully forward," he tells her.  "Who cares,"
she smiles.  "I'm so horny... and you're so gorgeous."  They continue what 
she started.

- This scene contains a lot of looping.  SIGH.  For those who think Dan Steele
looks a little familiar, you might have seen him as 'Long Dan Silver', that
freak of nature with the extremely long dick (for this same company, of course)
[and as a sidenote: Leanna Foxx also did movies with the titanic prosthetic 
boobs and went under the name Dixie Dynamite].  Anyway, Dan also has a fixation
with sucking on Kelly's boobs and getting her nipples hard like Tony Montana
did in scene one.  Then she sucks him back, they mish and dog it and Kelly's
ass receives a weak cumshot. 

"Oh baby," he sighs.  "I don't know who you are but you were great.  How are
we gonna get together again?"  "Are you kidding?" she asks and says she's not
a piece of meat.  He thought it was a mutual thing and she sends him off to
the bathroom to clean himself up.  Elliot comes back and tells her he has no
idea who she is or why she's in his house but she was pretty rough on Dan.
"What?" Kelly asks, unbelievably.  "What are you saying?  What about you 
'guys'?  You bring girls home, you fuck 'em for a night and then you probably
won't ever see them again."  She brings up Sharon's name and asks if he called 
her lately.  He says it's been about three months (hmm.. there was no indication
of any specific amount of time flying by like that) then she insists he give
her a call.  Convinced, he says he really liked her and decides to call her
right away.  Kelly giggles, looks up and says "See?"  Elliot turns around and
asks her who she's talking to and she giggles some more, walking off.  The end.
So.. did Kelly end up earning her wings?  I know I would've given them to her. 
:-)

Don't bother yourself with this video.  It's as cheap as everything else put
out by Video Exclusives.  The girls are cute, but you'll be hard pressed to
sit down and strain your eyes to such bad quality.  Not even a die-hard Kelly
Blue fan like me can recommend this video to her other fans.  However, because
she appeared quite often in this movie as opposed to most of her other tapes
where she appears mainly for the sex then is nowhere to be seen after that, I 
found myself in "Blue Heaven" after watching this lousy excuse for porn.  
Isn't that strange?  Hmm... and the mysteries of life continue...


Joey Markham