Butt Banged Bicycle Babes

From: "JMT" 
Newsgroups: alt.sex.movies,rec.arts.movies.erotica
Subject: Review # 6: Butt Banged Bicycle Babes
Date: Tue, 15 Apr 97 21:39:44
Organization: Buttmen of America



BUTT BANGED BICYCLE BABES
DIRECTOR: CHRISTOPHER ALEXANDER
CAST: MISTY RAIN, DRAGHIXA, BARBARA DOLL, FRANCESCA LE, MAROLIN, YVONNE,
KIM CHAMBERS, JOHN DOUGH, JOHN STAGLIANO, SEAN MICHAELS, GERRY PIKE, ERIC,
MARC WALLACE, GUY DESILVA, CHAD THOMAS AND MARK DAVIS

I've been watching porn since I was 14 and my uncle, who wasn't exactly a
prude, said, "I don't give a shit," when I timidly walked into his living
room and asked if I could watch the porn movie on his big Beta Max machine
with him.

I've long forgotten what that movie was, if I ever knew in the first place,
I was probably slack jawed from suddenly realizing what would be my
greatest joy in life, but in all the many years since then, only a few
movies have made a lasting impression on me.

I remember seeing Debbie Does Dallas for the first time and thinking it
would have been so much better if only Debbie had actually been in it more.
(And wondering why the ugliest girl in the cast was the only one to get
buttfucked. I was so naive then.)

I can recall seeing Dixie Ray Superstar and realizing that porn could
actually put out a decent movie that would keep my attention even if the
sex did suck. I marveled at Stiff Competition, never realizing it would be
close to the last time porn film makers actually tried to make the story
line flow.

I can remember being mesmerized by Tianna's butt in the opening scene of
the original Buttman tape, of wondering why American companies were so far
behind when I saw my first Private Video Magazine. (Number 5 to be exact.)

And then there's Butt Banged Bicycle Babes. This was Anabolic's first
attempt at producing an anal tape that was specifically aimed at that
market. The Nasty Nympho's tape contained a lot of anal sex, but they
weren't being aimed at that market. They were targeted for the gonzo
playing field.

There are five scenes on the Babes tape and the first three are standard,
forgettable fair, unless you're a fan of someone involved. But the last are
another story. I first saw this tape in December of 1994, (it was a
Christmas present!) and those two scenes still haunt me, if that's the
correct term. I recently watched the tape again, to refresh my memory, and
the last two scenes still gave me chills.

But, let's start at the beginning. I'm a fan of female butts, the bigger
the better, and this tape opens with Kim Chambers and Yvonne riding down
the road on bicycles, hence the title. They're actually part of an opening
montage, but none of the other women can compare to Chambers. This is a
big, fleshily built woman and her oversized butt is wrapped in white
stretch shorts and her cheeks spill wonderfully all over the bicycle seat.
It's just a small indicator of the intense heat she gives off in the last
scene.

But let's go to the first scene. Misty Rain connects the sex scenes, riding
an exercise bike and reading "letters from Anabolic fans" detailing what
they want to see. While I doubt the authenticity of these letters, it isa
time honored way of giving a movie some semblance of a story.

Our opening scene has Draghixa (remember her?) riding her bike through the
woods as she's trying to find Biff Malibu (actually director Christopher
Alexander) so she can keep her "modeling" appointment.

She eventually runs into John Dough and a loopy looking foreign guy named
Eric. They lay a line of bullshit on her and she's soon kneeling between
them, sucking on their totem poles. The trio of Marc Wallace, Gerry Pike
and guy DeSilva soon ride up, have pretend trouble with their bicycles,
then join the fun.

Yeah, it's a gang bang, and not too good of a one at that. Unless I missed
something, Eric is the only guy to fuck Draghixa, the other guys have to
settle for blow jobs, and he's not too good a choice. I never paid that
much attention to Draghixa, she's kind of weird looking, and I can only
assume this guy was maybe her S/O and the only one allowed to fuck her.

He does get to fuck her up the ass,but his dick is only half hard and keeps
slipping out. We get a quick cut to tree tops, didn't notice that problem
with wood edit at all, and when we return to the action, Eric has his dick
hard and reams out Draghixa's butthole pretty good as she lies on her side,
sucking the other guys off.

The scene ends with three of the five guys getting their rocks off in her
face. I believe Gerry Pike was left out and either Guy DeSilva or Wallace
simply disappeared. Eric's cumshot is pretty pathetic, but Dough does a
pretty good job of covering her face thoroughly. Outtakes at the end show
Draghixa asking for a towel, unable to open her eyes as Dough plastered
them shut.

The next scene is just silly and rather dull. Apparentlly Max Hardcore, who
doesn't perform, has signed up Pike and Sean Michaels to do a scene, but
the girl hasn't shown up. After reaching her on the phone, Hardcore is
given a list of disasters that befell the girl and, well, she isn't showing
up.

Not to worry. Step outside and there's the long gone Barbara Doll ridinga
bicycle down the road. The guys talk to her, she answers in a thick accent,
and soon we're beside the pool where Pike and Michaels fuck, buttfuck and
DP the soon to be latest poster child of HIV rumors.

The scene doesn't really work on any level. Michaels has trouble staying
hard, even in her tight ass, and Pike, well, I don't really know what to
make of him. And Hardcore, barking out directions like some demented Cecile
B. DeMille, doesn't help.

After that torture is over, we go to the desert where Misty Rain has
promised some letter hack she'll honestly fuck somebody other than Chad
Thomas. And she does, but it's Pike, who must have been spending the
weekend at the director's house, to be in so many scenes on one tape.

Pike and Rain are joined by the aforemention Thomas and Francesca Le. This
scene is actually pretty well done, but it's dragged down some by there
being very little anal action. Rain's butt is drilled briefly by Thomas and
that's it. Le's butthole is never touched.

I was turned on the deep kisses Rain and Le give each other, I'm not
usually a fan of girl/girl action,but this touched something deep inside
me. And there's cum swapping between Rain and Le for those of you who like
that.

I must confess the fourth scene on this tape has stuck with me because the
woman in it, Marolin, is a dead ringer for a woman I know in my personal
life. While I'll never get to fuck this woman, dammit :-), I can call up
this scene whenever I want to and pretend I'm Mark Davis.

One thing about this scene is that it's shot in Hawaii, next to the surf
and you really can't hear what's being said. I did hear the director call
Davis Steve once, for what that's worth, but a lot of the dialogue was lost
in the sounds of waves crashing.

The gist of this scene is that Marolin is both a video virgin and a
butthole virgin. She's a big, well rounded blonde with big natural tits.
She's got an infectious smile and when Davis puts his pecker in her butt,
her yells drown out the waves. There's no doubting she's an anal virgin.

All pretense of ignoring the camera is dropped as Alexander and his camera
woman Susie give Marolin tips on how to best accomodate Davis's uncut
sausage up her butt. No, the anal sex never does reach the butthole
stretching, pounding level that I like, but dammit, I love this scene! I
must qualify that, though, by reminding you that this woman is a dead
ringer for a woman I want in my "real" life, but can't have. Your mileage
may vary.

The final scene is a classic, and is the one anal scene I would probably
take with me to that fabled desert island. It stars Chambers, Davis, Yvonne
and John Stagliano. But forget all that. Imagine Chambers on a lawn chair,
big butt stuck high in the air as Davis and Stagliano take turns pounding
it. Chambers, in this scene at least, is a Goddess.

Yeah, Yvonne takes it up the butt too, and Stagliano cums like five or six
times, he does this a lot, and I must admit it's impressive, but Chamber's
butt is the well deserved centerpiece of this scene. She gets in the lawn
chair, sticks it in the air and let's it get ravaged. Stagliano pours a
bottle of water over it at one point just to cool it off. Maybe Alexander,
in the presence of Buttman, was showing off, but he shows a definite flair
for gonzo sex in this scene.

Chambers and Yvonne bring this tape to a scorching halt by sharing a cum
filled kiss. There is a scene of Rain climbing off the exercise bike,
revealing a large dildo that had been up her butt, followed by some
unfunny, non-erotic outtakes, but you can ignore all that.

If this tape had only the last two scenes on it, I would highly recommend
it. I consider the first three scenes disappointing bonuses. "Ah, they
weren't that great, guys, but I understand you were trying to fill out the
running time until you reached the last two masterpieces."

So, I recommend this tape unequivocally if you rent, and hell, even if you
buy. Marolin, Jesus, whatever became of her (one hit wonder?), is simply
gorgeous in my eyes and Kim Chambers butt would be worth my next paycheck
if I could just spend one hour alone with it.

JMT