Anus the Menace

I've never really watched the cartoon show Dennis The Menace growing up (nor
have I seen the recent Hollywood movie version of it), but I do know the 
names Dennis Mitchell (the menace himself) and Mr.Wilson (the neighbour he
always pesters).  In this porn spoof, those characters are turned into Denise
Mitchellson (played by Sydney St.James) and Mr.Williams (Randy West).  Other
than that, I don't know where other similarities lie.  They do mention the
town name as Hillsdale, but I don't know what the mainstream town name is;
not that it really matters anyway being porn (and all in good fun, right? :-). 
As the title suggests, this movie is supposed to be an anal-themed feature,
but only two of the five scenes are anal and Sydney - 'Anus the Menace' herself
 - is not included.  Micky Lynn poses on the box cover with a slingshot, so 
you'll automatically assume she'd play the lead (and she is younger than 
Sydney, too, with a slightly mischievous, girl-next-door look about her so 
she might've been a better choice to play the lead) but Sydney does a fine job 
as well.


ANUS THE MENACE
director: Frank Marino, 1993.   Coast to Coast
cast: Sydney St.James, Micky Lynn, Lacy Rose, Randy West, Tom Byron,
 Shawn Ricks.

rating: 2.50/4

sex scenes:
- Sydney St.James, Shawn Ricks
- Lacy Rose, Tom Byron
- Sydney St.James, Micky Lynn
- Micky Lynn (anal), Randy West
- Lacy Rose (anal), Shawn Ricks


Mr.Williams is in his garden when his wife Emily (Lacy Rose) and her best 
friend Heather (Micky Lynn) approach him.  Emily introduces the two of them
and tells her husband that Heather will be staying with them for a few days.
The phone rings and Emily runs off to answer it, letting the other two get
better acquainted.  Heather compliments Mr.Williams on his lovely rose garden
and he tells her he won 2nd prize at a Hillsdale flower festival and would've
come in first if it hadn't been for neighbour Denise Mitchellson's dog, who
he says used to make it a habit to pee on his roses every day, somewhat 
stunting their growth.  He says Denise has been a thorn in his side ever 
since she moved into the neighbourhood.  They both suddenly hear some moaning
and Heather says whoever that is sounds like she's in horrible pain or having
incredible sex.  Mr.Williams tells her it's Denise, better known to everyone
as 'Anus the Menace'.

In Denise's bedroom, she and Tommy (who's both the Mitchellson's and the 
Williams' pool man, played by Shawn Ricks) are fooling around when he stops
her and says to quiet down or her neighbour will hear her.  She tells him
Mr.Williams will just probably write her a note telling her to keep it down
next time.  Tommy claims she must hate living next door to him and she replies,
"Not as much as he hates living next door to me!" and tells him about the time
she borrowed stamps from Mrs.Williams to mail all her Christmas cards - 
collector's stamps from the 1800's that turned out to belong to Mr.Williams.
Tommy states that this whole time he saw how red Mr.Williams' face got whenever
Denise's name was mentioned, he thought he was getting the hots for her.  
Denise cheerfully says, "Maybe he does!  I suppose even someone like Mr. 
Williams has to think about sex sometimes!".  Tommy replies, "I don't know
how anybody could live next door to you and NOT think of sex!" and they
continue what they had started earlier.

(SCENE 1): Sydney and Shawn start off by kissing on a bed.  He eventually 
rubs her pussy through her shorts (which she slides off soon after he takes
his hand away) then decides to have a taste.  She rocks herself back and forth
lightly, enjoying it.  He looks up at her while munching away and starts to
bring a finger to her pussy.  He doesn't say anything, but she teasingly 
tells him "Only if it's clean!" then he fingers her.  Afterwards, she gives
him an ok blowjob - sort of tilting her head upwards with each stroke, gliding
her tongue on his shaft.  They start fucking missionary style, heating it up
slowly.  Not too many different angles are used but they're fairly enthusiastic
enough to make it viewable.  Two more brief positions are used (one in the
reverse-cowgirl and another where she's sitting up on a dresser with one leg
on Shawn's shoulder) then it's back to mish.  For the finale, Shawn cums all
over Sydney's waiting tongue, slurping him down eventually.  Ok scene with a
little bit of looping at first.

Back outside, Mr.Williams tells Heather how much sleep he's lost because of
Denise.  Heather asks if it's because she keeps him up at night with all that
racket and he tells her it's because he can't stop thinking about Denise;
wanting to put her over his knee and giving her a good spanking.  "She might
like that!" Heather tells him.  "To hell what she likes," he replies.  "*I*
might like it!".  Eventually, Denise is running outside calling out, "Mr.
Williams!  Oh, Mr.Williams!".  They start talking and he scolds her because
the night before she had a party in her backyard and at one point, people 
were throwing salt in their drinks and when Denise did it, she ended up
throwing some over her shoulder that went over the fence and into his flower
bed.  Denise decides to wash off his flowers for him and when she grabs the
garden hose, she ends up spraying Mr.Williams accidentally.  Nervously, 
Denise tells him she'll go get him a towel and runs into his house.

Upon entering the kitchen, Denise spots Mrs.Williams fooling around with Joey
(Tom Byron), a grocery delivery guy.

(SCENE 2): This scene starts off in a way not too common - Lacy's tonguing
Tom's asshole.  She slowly works her way up, licking his balls and sucking
his cock (which he slaps in her face at first).  Then she spreads her legs for
him and enthusiastically rubs and spanks her clit while he works two fingers
inside of her.  He gets up and plows into her, making her writhe in pleasure.
She really gets into it and can't get enough.  Even doggie style, Lacy 
continues to moan in pleasure, loving every minute of it before Tom pulls 
out, cumming all over her ass.  Hot scene brought down by looping, but still
good.

Denise hops and skips over to Mr.Williams with a towel and tells him he 
should spend a lot more time with his wife than with his flowers.  He tells
Denise that he and Emily have a perfect marriage, something she has no idea
about considering she's probably never been with the same man for more than
ten minutes at a time, then heads inside.  Denise wonders why he's so upset
and tells Heather it's probably because he knows he's the only man she HASN'T
spent ten minutes with.  Then Denise tells Heather he'd better not go into
the kitchen.  Heather asks why and Denise tells her, "Well, I'll tell you
about it, but not here.  You have to come over to my place and I'll show you
everything that I saw!".  The girls walk back over to Denise's place.

In the kitchen, Mr.Williams finds his wife and Joey sitting there.  He asks
Emily if they're having tuna for lunch and she replies, "Well yeah, Heather's
quite fond of tuna so I thought I'd make us all some sandwiches!".  Little
do they know Heather's having a little snack before lunch - in the form of
Denise.  The two girls are over in Denise's backyard, poolside.

(SCENE 3): Sydney begins by licking Micky's clit (and both girls are still
dressed).  Lengthy and fair.  Both girls suck eachother's boobs afterwards,
but then Sydney sits herself down, preparing for Micky to return the favor.
The girls are smiling and into it, with Micky shaking her head back and forth
while licking and sucking Sydney's pussy lips (with a bit of spitting as 
well).  Things don't really reach a smoldering climax, but they bring out
enough enthusiasm to make this girl/girl scene worth a look.

Heather says the Williams' must be thrilled to have Denise as their neighbour.
Denise says Mr.Williams doesn't get thrilled about anything and perhaps that's
the reason his wife has to go elsewhere for her pleasures.  Heather asks what
they could do and Denise suddenly says, "Well.. you know.. I think he looks an
awful lot like that really hot pornstar.. what's his name.. I think it's Randy
somebody?".  Heather says, "Randy Spears?".  "No," Denise says, "The other 
one!".  "Randy North?  No, it's.. Randy West!".  "Yeah, that's the one!" Denise
says.  "Well gee, if he's anything like Randy West he'd be really hot in the
sack, don't you think?".  Heather confesses she has a thing for Mr.Williams and
Denise comes up with a plan to help Heather get what she wants: she will call
Mr.Williams over to her house because Heather seems to have locked herself in 
the bathroom (a bathroom door with a lock on the outside - how.. convenient!).
Denise says he just loves to use his tools and that he's so handy with them
he'd be glad to come over and help her out.

Back in the Williams' kitchen.  Emily and Joey are making out while the phone
is ringing off the hook.  Mr.Williams enters and says he seems to be the only
one around there who's aware of what's going on.  Joey leaves, Emily prepares
the tuna sandwiches and Mr.Williams answers the phone.  After hearing the 
news, he rushes over to Denise's to help Heather out.  After going over, he 
and Denise chat a bit, but to his surprise after unlocking the door, Heather's 
standing there naked and she pulls him in, closing the door behind him.  Denise
smiles to herself knowing her plan worked.  Inside the bathroom, Heather pulls
Mr.Williams closer to her and he tries to stop her by reminding her that he's a
married man.  "So what?", Heather says and kisses him.  He finally gives in
to her advances.

(SCENE 4): Both Micky and Randy really work eachother up just by kissing and
holding one another.  Micky crouches down and licks his dick through his
bathing trunks then slides them down and begins to suck him off eagerly.  She
works her tongue up and down his shaft and slaps her face with his cock.  Randy
talks dirty to her, carrying things along before she sits up on the bathroom
counter and lets Randy taste her.  He works his middle finger in her ass as
she rubs her clit, enjoying it.  He works his tongue on her pussy but she 
likes it even more when he slaps his dick against it before fucking her.  She
gets into it even more when he picks her up and they fuck standing up.  Then
she puts her hands down on the counter as Randy fucks her from behind ( a
stand-up doggie? :-).  He works a finger in her ass again as she "suddenly"
has a dildo, rubbing it up and down her pussy.  Then he slowly penetrates her
ass, picking up speed once he sees how much she likes it.  A minute or two
more of anal sex and Randy pulls out, cumming on her ass.

Mr.Williams steps out of the bathroom fully clothed and tells Denise he's going
to get a divorce and that life is too much fun to stay married.  He walks away
laughing and Denise smiles to herself saying, "Maybe he IS that Randy guy!".

Back to the Williams' where Emily's sitting out by the pool, pouring oil all
over her body.  Tommy's cleaning the pool nearby but once he's finished, 
Emily gives him another chore to do - one that starts off by having him suck
her toes.

(SCENE 5): After sucking Lacy's toes, Shawn gets a taste of other things -
her mouth, her breasts and her pussy.  She lays back and lets him tongue fuck
her and without a blowjob first, they immediately start doing a mish.  She
blurts out something along the lines of "I won't make you fucking cum until
*I* cum.  You understand?  Or else I won't let you clean my fucking pool 
again!" and rides him cowgirl-style, bouncing up and down, eventually cumming.
She wants it in the ass next, so she goes on her hands and knees on a 
lawnchair and has Shawn pour oil on her ass to grease it up.  A few minutes
of anal penetration, then a cumshot on her ass (what I had only realized 
halfway through the scene is that in close-up shots, it's really Tom Byron's
dick penetrating Lacy and in longshots of Lacy and Shawn, they only show 
close humping with no penetration).  Anyhow, it was ok but Lacy was more 
enthusiastic in her other scene with Tom.

Mr.Williams spots Emily and Tommy naked out by the pool and Emily starts to
panic and says she can explain everything.  He tells her that he cheated on
her as well, but he decides that since he did it he should leave their 
marriage.  So he calmly walks off and gets his things together.  Emily can't
believe what just happened and says, "It must've been those roses he was
spraying.  That's what made him so dumb!".  Tommy says, "I don't think it's
the spraying that's making him so stupid".  "Well, what then?" she asks.
Tommy looks at the camera, at us, and says with a smile, "bad writing".  
Fade out.

Not only is "bad writing" (with a writer uncredited, which I thought was 
actually fair for porn standards) to blame for why I didn't give this movie a
higher rating.  Other stuff includes low picture quality (which is very 
common for a lot of these videos but still, it would've been better to see
something fresher-looking, with better colors) and Randy West's hair (which
was greatly due for a cut :-).  Also, with the word 'anus' in the title, 
viewers would expect to see anal sex and they will - but only in two scenes. 
However, Sydney St.James (who had her small natural breasts here) showed us 
she's still a child at heart, sweetly playing the role of Denise Mitchellson. 
That's what makes the dialogue in this movie (if you don't FF through it) fun
to watch.  Both Micky Lynn and Lacy Rose performed well enough in their sex 
scenes and should not be overlooked by any means.  In all, a decent flick 
worthy of being considered a porn 'spoof' - not like some movies that spoof 
titles only, without making a parody storyline-wise.

Joey Markham