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Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.erotica Rented this little unknown gem over the weekend. It's a Robert Schwartz production for Extreme Associates, so I'm wondering, is Robert Schwartz really Rob Black (Schwartz = black in German). Anal Blitzkrieg #3 (at least #3, maybe true for numbers 1 and 2, and whatever future installments) is a german porn with a "What's Up Tiger Lily" style dubbing with American voices. It's quite hilarious how they did the "translation". And it's hilarious in an intentional way, not in the unintentional way. The hilarity, while making for good humor sorta drowns the sex, though, so that the eroticism isn't so hot. While the title sounds like yet another gonzo anal-fest, it's actually a plotted story with pretty good looking guys and gals and pretty hot sex. The setting is in some rather expensive home of what appears to be a gynocologist and his family. At least the Americanified version of the story has it that way. From the looks of it, that's what appears to be the case as well for the german version. Any case, the story starts out with what appears to be the son and dad sitting in the drawing room, with the son trying to compose something on the piano (a grand piano -- they spare no expense). The dad leaves for a moment, the maid in a cute french maid outfit comes by to dust the area. Soon, the son gets her to BJ him for a while. The dad comes down and watches for a while before settling down on the sofa and gets the maid over for some BJ on him. Soon, the two guys are double-teaming the maid and DPs her pretty good. The amazing thing is that the dad spooges on the maid, right in front of the pussy, so it's sort of a half-creampie. The son pops a shot right outside the back door, and then immediately (no cuts) slams his schlong into her pussy for some additional strokes. After that, he pulls out, there's a cut, and she sucks on him (the son) for a little more and he pops a shot into her mouth. Unlike the US stars, she takes the droppings and don't do that stupid, "Gak! I hate this stuff in my mouth!" I mean, if you want to cum dodge, fine, just set the story up so the guy pops his load on your back or something. But if he's going to pop it near or in the mouth, don't go spitting it out like it's cyanide. The next scene is of the (step)-daughter enjoying a nice warm bubble bath. The dad/gynocologist enters and asks to check her hymen (I'm guessing, but the story seems to support this). She gets up, spreads her leg in the usual porno way, he tries to stick his finger in her pussy and she immediately screams, thereby suggesting to him that she's still a virgin. (Yeah, right, dad...she's got a tongue stud, tattoos all over her shoulders and a bellybutton stud. The least of your worries is whether she's still a virgin.) The next scene is the mom, coming home from somewhere kinda drunk. She staggers into her boudoir carrying a mostly empty bottle of maybe Riesling slugging on it while trying to find an outfit for the evening's dinner party. All the while, she's playing with her body, kinda thinking it's getting a little old, and wants some perky breasts. The voice-over is quite hilarious on this one as an obviously male voice is doing a falsetto but with a huskiness to affect an older woman, with a slightly drunken slur. Very funny. Now, the box cover shows some scenes where she gets hot and horny and uses the bottle for other things, but apparently that was cut out of the story that we see. I think it's still a taboo in the US to use non-marital aid devices for insertion. (Although, Seymore Butts had some scenes with various types of vegetables...) Some woman walks in while the mom is looking at herself in the mirror. This other woman may be the maid from the first scene, but it's not clear to me. They eventually get into a lesbo session which was rather brief. This woman, maybe the maid, leaves and walking in on the son, who's in the den working on the computer or something. They quickly get into the naked state and he bangs her six ways to sunday, including anal (well, the title IS Anal Blitzkrieg, right?). There's also a cutaway A2M. The sex was pretty good. Next, we see a dinner party with the husband (the gyno doc), the wife, who's looking like she's pretending she's not drunk (so there's some pretty decent acting here), and two male guests. They drink some champagne in real crystal champagne flutes (you can tell by the way the glasses clink when they toast each other -- no all sounds are dubbed over; in fact during the whole time, you can partially hear the german dialog). After some talking, the husband/gyno doc gets an emergency house call. He leaves the party and soon, the wife displays some interest in some nookie session with the two male guests. They go to town and she's sucking, fucking, and doing all sorts of things with them. She doesn't take a shot in the mouth, but that's ok. It all looks like the enjoy the session. The scene then cuts to the doc visiting the patient. The girl patient is doubled over because of some pain in her lower regions. The doc does his usual thumping, listening, and then suggests he manually checks her insides. She demurrs and he admonishes her for being so reticent. He's about to leave when the mom or roommate or whoever (there's two girls there, one the patient and the other is the mom/roommate/sister/whoever) pulls her top up, exposing her tits, and pulls the doc's face into the tits. He starts gobbling while the gals start pulling down his pants as well as removing their own little skirts and panties. The two gals gang up on poor doc and he ends with a pop to the chins. The gals don't wipe it off and smile as the doc leaves, happy. The ending is an interesting denouement. Some unknown creepy guy sneaks around the outside property of the doc's house. For some weird reason, he ends up at a chest exercising machine and starts doing some butterfly presses. The (step-)daughter (remember her from scene two?) comes out and tells him to be quiet (of course, all this is dubbed, so who really knows what the german version is saying). The guy, sort of a beefcake looking dude is her secret boyfriend, and they start making out. The do some acrobatic fucks since she's small and light and he's a muscular dude who can carry her all over the place. They make some noise and the dad is awaken. He takes out a big gun and a knife and checks out the noise. The boyfriend splits and the (step-)daughter hides behind the outdoor bar. Dad goes back to sleep. Then the daughter sneaks into the dad's room, carrying what appears to be a jar of ketchup or blood. She strips down, sneaks into bed, pulls off the sheets, gets a dab of the red stuff, smears it on his dick, then she straddles him, puts the dick near her pussy and screams at the top of her lungs. The dad awakes and sees her (step-)daughter astride him and somehow realizes that he popped her cherry. So now, her cherry's gone, he can't keep worrying about her hymen, and he's mildly satisfied, she's relieved, and that's that. See, it's quite possible to write a plotted porn with good acting and hot sex. The only problem is that you have to do it in Germany. EDEW
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