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From: Niklas Zypher <[email protected]> Review: Private Gold #40: House of Love My rating: **, Hot (I have adopted Adam Film World's grading system since I find it to be the most useful in rating adult videos.) Written and directed by: Pierre Woodman Videography by: Pierre Woodman (with lights by Attila) Runtime: 2h 11 min (+old promos)
Sex scenes: 2) Meridiane [mast only] 3) Michelle Greco / Titof / Pascal St. Clair 4) Monica Rossi / Alain Deloin / Steven / Pascal St. Clair 5) Inga [bj only] / Titof 6) Viktoria (the one from _Superfuckers #1_) / Alain Deloin 7) Yvette (new one) / Pascal St. Clair / Steven 8) Meridiane / Titof / Pascal St. Clair / Alain Deloin / Steven The house referred to in the title is so strange in appearance I actually found myself rewinding to take a closer look at it (all thoughts of sex momentarily gone from my mind). It looks just like a giant doll's house! But not to worry, this is neither Ibsen nor a deep-probing character study, just a nonsense yarn about some men visiting a house and having sex with the women inside; everyone of whom is a doll! (*) Storytelling was never Woodman's strong point, but in this case, even after watching this feature without resorting to fast-forwarding, I have no idea what the story is about. The direction is horrible, the acting ludicrous, and the dubbed voices sound like people speaking with potatoes stuffed up their behinds. In fact, the filling between the sex scenes is so stupid I wonder if Woodman's target audience are idiots. I know I am being treated as one, watching it. The excellent make-up and videography prevents me from rating it with only one star.
But, you say, have button will skim! Who really cares for story when
there is sex? The first scene features the sister act of Inga and Ines in bed with a couple of men. The two girls don't even glance at each other during the sex, so don't expect anything even hinting at incest. Everyone seems to sleep their way through the scene. Inga's blowjob, as well as Viktoria's and Yvette's scenes were also shot with sleeping performers and director. But if there is no erotic pleasure to be found there, one can always appreciate the scenes for their aesthetics. Viktoria looks wonderful in her orange polo-neck sweater and rubber boots (**), and it's fun (once in a while) to see half a scene where the woman keeps her clothes on. Yvette's hair cascades beautifully over the table during half of her being DP'd. But, you wonder, this is Woodman, is there no sex worth watching? Sure there is! Three of the scenes on the tape are very good, one of which is even not to be missed. Michelle's scene with two men on a grassy hill has nothing special to recommend it as far as the sex goes. But Michelle has such a gorgeously streamlined body and face, with one of the prettiest noses in porn, as well, that it's a blessing to see her have sex. She looks much better on video than she did in one of Private's recent magazines. I especially like the facials at the end where strands of her blonde hair is tossed over her face. Monica Rossi, a fabulous-looking (fake) red-head, devours three men on a sofa and at the end swallows the cum from one of them. It's good to see a girl who actually seems to like what she's doing in this movie, which gets the guys turned on as well. But best of all (and last of all) is Meridiane's scene. She takes on Titof, and after a while three more men. Meridiane (***) is as skilled a lover as anyone I ever saw. She brings every part of her body into play: she gyrates on top of a cock, she sucks a dick the way it's supposed to be sucked, she gives coy, sexy, expectant and surprised looks, and she even beckons with her tongue. Alain Deloin is turned on enough to shoot twice (****). Meridiane has the same sort of looks as Silvia Saint and a butt like apples, and I shouldn't wonder if she became the next big thing internationally. Don't miss this scene: it's the best this millennium (which might be claiming a bit much if you consider this year to be the last one of the second millennium). The men are a bit below Private's usual standard. I have no problem with Alain's swarthy ruggedness (it's kind of sexy in a piraty sort of way), but newcomer Pascal is sagging enough to have fitted right in with the old-timers in _Matador #1_, and his acting is ridiculously pompous. Steven is pretty ugly as well: pale and spotted, with weak lips, and large tattoos on his body, but at least his dick has some curiosity value. You'll never see a more crooked one put into a woman - that would be impossible. It certainly looks irksome for him to use. When he shoots I half-expect the cum to fly off in circles (the laws of physics notwithstanding). The last man, Titof, is good-looking enough (despite his 'hip' tattoos and piercings).
Who, you ask, cares about the men? The Private sound parody lives on in this feature as well. The dialogue is dubbed, but background sounds are left intact (*****). This led me to hope that natural moans would be kept for the sex, but no. Someone obviously believes that we, the viewers, would be confused if we didn't get to hear the stilted voices exclaiming: 'Ho, yes! Yoo fuck me!' We, the idiots it's targeted at, might wonder what was going on. It's ironic really; when a scene is shot on a windy hill for mainstream cinema, the dialogue might be dubbed to get rid of the noise of the wind, but here only the moans are faked and the bluster remains. Private, they pay for the dubbing, and the sex... it pays with about a third of its heat. The movie ends with inaccurate text credits, where the actresses have been mixed-up. I wonder what the ubiquitous Barbara Brown does. On every tape Private put out these days it says: 'Written by Barbara Brown,' which is confusing when the credits also inform us, in this case: 'Screenplay by Pierre Woodman.' Perhaps she writes the credits.
Regardless of all the bad stuff, this tape is a must-see for a few of
the sex scenes. Zypher (Remove MEOW to e-mail me) (*) I very much suspect that the first of the two puns I put into that sentence is wasted on this group. :-( But don't worry, it was a bad one. (**) Rubber boots as in the type country people wear, not the latex variety. I think there is a prevailing hypothesis that people who wear rubber boots don't get any sex. This should prove that wrong. At least for women. (***) Whose name is certainly impossible to pronounce in English. Perhaps it's supposed to be said like that of a Greek goddess, Aphrodite, e.g. Meridi-ANN-ee? (****) He rarely does that these days, though it used to be the norm way back when. Private Trivia Question: In what scene did Alain Deloin get off three times? (*****) On a technical note, I wonder if the performers only mouthed their lines when the video was shot.
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