|
From: Niklas Zypher <[email protected]> Review: The Uranus Experiment 3: Back To Earth Rating: * 1/2 Warm (I have adopted Adam Film World�s grading system since I find it to be the most useful in rating adult videos.) Written and directed by: John Millerman. Videography: D. P. Goldwyn.
Sex scenes: The three-part Uranus series, which should only have been in two instalments, has finally reached its conclusion. It certainly doesn�t live up to the hype Private have been giving it, and I must wonder how long a company, even in the porn business, can live on PR when their product is bad. Heaps of money have been wasted on this flop. Metaphorically: While others think it a good idea to make films about Titanic, Private think the ship itself was a good idea. The problem here is of course John Millerman, who wants to make real films but doesn�t know how to do them in practice. Theoretically, he knows how to go about it, making storyboards, not realising that storyboards without a feel for the finished film merely makes the action incoherent and stiff. The Uranus trilogy is incredibly boring even on FF. John Leslie was trying to make a point a couple of months ago in AVN, about bad porn directors, who, instead of concentrating on the porn they are creating, do unnecessary things for their own sake. John Millerman is a prime example: All the badly done trimmings used is this series are detracting from the porn rather than helping it along; all because Millerman wants to play the great director and spend a lot of Private�s money in the process. Hopefully Private will kick him out on his urANUS when he has finished his run on Amanda�s diary. The bad storyboarding has broken up much of the sex into too many close-ups of faces and genitalia, something which is always irritating. The women in this video range from unattractive (Cristina Dark, Julia Taylor) to quite lovely (Silvia Saint, Krisztina Kiss). They show no heat in the sex scenes since they aren�t allowed to act out, but must follow Millerman�s very detailed planning. It also seems that Millerman has mistaken sex without gravity for sex in stasis. �Move slowly. I want the viewers to check what�s on TV during this scene,� seems to have been his most common instruction. The badly done trimmings I mentioned above mainly consist of the annoying computer graphics and ugly, expensive sets. Had they used phoney-looking spaceship models hanging from strings, it would have looked as stupid, but at least it would have been cute. And who had the idea that the sets should be gloomily grey and combined with people in dark blue overalls darkly lit with bluish light? The end credits have a cast list that is a mere listing of a zillion names with no way to tell who is whom. Totally useless. The film is followed by a repeat of the �Making of...� report they ran in Private XXX recently, and they can�t show us how the ever-so-secret free-fall bits were made, because we will have to wait for the videos to come out. ??? Hello? In short, this video is a boring, pretentious, unarousing piece of garbage. Silvia Saint is the only reason to watch it at all. Without her sweet looks it would have been stone cold. Here�s a couple of tips for Private: why not hire some competent, established directors to shoot the top-of-the-shelf features? Kris Kramski seems to enjoy working with European talent, and Michael Zen doesn�t seem to be doing much these days. And get François Clousot back! Then they should get a quality-conscious supervising producer, someone who knows porn. Private hasn�t been the same since they parted with Peter Backman. Zypher (Remove MEOW to e-mail me)
|