The Imperial Reviews: Volume 20


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[March 23, 1995. Cambridge, England]

Buttman Back In Rio

This is really only average by Stagliano's standards. His rantings and obsessed air are still enjoyable and the lovely Angela Summers is prominently featured (no waste of resources from John, ever). But I really expected more in terms of gorgeous Brasileiras: they do have reputably the best asses in the world, and to this at least the movie found me in agreement; in all other respects however the native girls featured were rather plain IMHO. The sex wasn't that imaginative or hot either, though it was as usual nicely filmed. I know that Buttman is not Anal-man, but after so much attention has been bestowed on the glories of the female prosterior the absence of any anal scenes whatsoever leaves a bit of bitter taste.

Rating: 2.75

Buttman's European Vacation

Here we have Stagliano at his most glorious best. Brilliant video, shot in gorgeous locations (your country looks great, Peter) and the stars are hot: Sunny Mc Kay, several French ladies that include Joy Karins, the lovely Zara Whites and, for the ladies, Mr. Rocco. The one who steals the show however IMHO is the incredible Silver. I had never had the pleasure of seeing her before and I must say that I was bloody impressed. For those not familiar with this particular wonder of nature, Ms. Silver is a gorgeous blonde with a very sweet face and an exquisite body; the latter is more of the voluptuous, full-of-breast type than the athletic Zara-like one. As I understand she has shot several films in America (eg. "Silver Sensation") but I had not seen any of them to this point.

So it is a dream from heaven when Silver, Zara and Rocco team up for the video's last scene. The buildup to the sex scene is also very nice, both ladies (particularly Zara) looking very elegant in their long coats (though Silver leading Rocco through the corridors of her apartment building by his exposed -of course-cock, doesn't really qualify as "elegant". Cute perhaps, but not elegant :-)). Makes a nice change from the usual garter-belt-and-high-heel stereotype. The scene is long, blisteringly hot and superbly filmed. Well done John. No anal or any other significant deviances, though there is some rimming going here and there.

The lovely Silver is also in the first scene of the video, screwing Rocco in some public lavatory in Amsterdam. Again a nice, long and very hot scene, with plenty of good shots of Silver and several nice positions including spooning and RC. Gorgeous.

Also of note is the now famous Rocco/Sunny balcony scene in Cannes. As a matter of fact most of the action takes place indoors in a hotel room; there is indeed some stuff shot on the balcony itself. Nice scene once again, with RC and other flattering positions abounding. No anal of course (I don't believe that Sunny ever did any). The only anal takes place during a 3some scene featuring Joy Karins. Both girls there do anal.

Overall this is a wonderful flick, definetely a keeper. Despite its rather male-oriented subject matter and fair amount of girl-girl interaction, this is IMHO suitable material for girlfriends. My advice is for couples to use it in one of their raunchier phases - when Blake's inanities just won't cut it ;-). One gets throughout the impression that the principals are for a change finding fucking a pleasure and not just a drab job. They may be fooling us, I know, but if they do then they really deserve the appellation "actors" (which may be the most surprising thing of all :-)). Furthermore, it is particularly satisfying to see that the principals are almost always completely naked, sometimes even discarding those confounded high heels.

I really cannot find anything wrong with this video, either from a technical or an erotic point of view. So, rather reluctantly since this is not a pre-1984 feature, I am forced to give the coveted perfect rating.

Rating: 4.00

PS. I recently rented "Jurassic Park" (the mainstream original, not any of the porn spinoffs :-)). As I almost always avoid watching overly hyped movies when they first come out (my pals had to literally drag me to watch "Pulp Fiction", which BTW was a great movie), I had meticulously avoided Spielberg's kitch dino-feast up to now. The time was at last ripe, so I rented it it and watched it with a bunch of lads here. The movie sucked so incredibly I was surprised it became such a success. That is, until I realized that its appeal lies in it subliminal erotic messages. I mean let's ignore for the moment the gratuitous close-up shots on Laura Dern's impressively tight buttocks (hard though this undoubtedly is). Has anybody noticed all the fetish overtones throughout the movie? Ms. Dern bends over (another great shot :-)) and buries both hands in a pile of dino shit ---> catering for the scatologically oriented crowd. Then the adolescent girl screams and writhes around in the mud (mud wrestling-like shots abound) and, as the crowning mercy, later receives a point blank facial from a dino-sneeze. A friend of mine very correctly pointed out that, since the sneeze originates from a Brachiosaurus, it qualifies both in quantity and in origin as a "monster" facial :-)

[Update 6/9/1995: This is another instance of kiddie porn in "JP" according to Matthew Nguyen (mnguye6@osf1.gmu.edu):
> actually kinda funny you mentioned JP.  there was a scene (the now infamous 
> tyranasaurus rex scene), in which the doctor (i forget the name) grabs 
> the young girl (name shmames) and tells her not to move since the t rex 
> could only see moving targets.  at any rate when he FIRST grabs her, his 
> hands fell RIGHT on her breasts then he quickly moves them up to cover 
> her mouth from screaming (anyone else catch this or am i looking too  
> close :> though i never did get Roger Rabbit!!!).  i think this  
> constitutes child pornography unless the island was not on american  
> soil (or located somewhere where 13 yr olds can legally be felt up on  
> screen :>)

I think I'll send this analysis to Blockbuster, signed "A concerned parent", and see if they drop the tape :-)

[April 4, 1995]

Backdoor Bonanza No. 4

This is a compilation and therefore gets no rating. I usually avoid compilations as they destroy what little suspense there is in the expectation of the sex scene in a regular feature. The other day however I was doing my taxes (yuck) and since TV was singularly horrible and I was really not in the mood to listen to an opera (just doesn't do the trick when you are seeing your hard earned cash taken away before your very eyes :-)), a compilation or two seemed a good deal. The reason I picked up this one was the claim the Tracey Adams and Danielle were in it. Now, I'm not naive. I know that neither of these lasses has ever done anal; it is however worthwhile not to leave any stone unturned - you never know what you might find.

VCA didn't lie. Both Tracey and Danielle are IN the video. That doesn't mean that they are doing anal however! I guess our beloved VCA (distributor of such masterpieces as "Ninn's Sex" and the shamelessly chopped versions of virtually every good flick from the Golden Age decided that it is NOT fraud to market an anally-oriented tape on the drawing power of two stars notorious for NOT doing it. Oh well. The tape is not very bad but I really can't recommend it.

Brazen Brunettes

This tape, on the other hand, is Cal Vista's version of an all-sex compo and they are dead straight about what they are going to deliver. All the stars mentioned in the box are in the video, all scenes are full length and the duration is indeed 120 minutes as claimed. I call that honest and commendable.

All scenes are decent to very good. Some have looping, some have poor editing. However it is clear that this is how they were in the original feature, so it's really not Cal Vista's fault. There is also a helpful feature of putting the performers' names and the original movie title before each segment.

First off, there is a very nice g-g scene between Jeanna Fine and Devon Shire from "Bringing up Brat" (starring Jamie Summers). Very nice scene, with quite a bit of heat between the ladies; Devon looks very nice indeed. Also from the same movie is a threesome between Kim Angeli (Alexis), Nikki Nights and Tom Byron. This one was very poorly edited. Then we get Eric&Paula Price (I forget which movie from) doing the whole rotation incl. anal. After that Robert Bullock does Carol Cummings. She's usually not my cup of tea but in this scene she looks absolutely scrumptious. Also very nice looking is Raquel doing (surprise there :-)) her stereoid-looking SO in a scene from "Out for Blood". The camera work and position selection in this scene are very good in that we get to see long moments of Raquel and almost nothing of Derek. As usual however with Raquel, the scene is boring.

Ashley Nicole does Blake Palmer. Again very good camera work. Christy Canyon does Mark Wallice in a scene from "Passages 2". I don't like Christy in her older, flabbier version so I FF'ed this. Finally there are two scenes with Tori Welles, most notable of which being the one from "Miss Directed" with Randy West.

No rating (compilation) but not a bad 2 hours of smut. Good material for girlfriends, particularly if you predict that there is going to be significant action in *your* bed (and so you have little use for plot and the like). The g-g scenes can be easily isolated and FFed through.

Imperator on Angel

I'm currently going through an Angel phase. I have rediscovered how unbelievably beautiful and *charming* (two entirely different attributes - consider Raquel as a prime example of beauty with no charm) she is; I must admit that even Abigail does not posess such luminous eyes. Angel also has a wonderful slender body with the most charming pair of little breasts. No wonder that she has made a slashing entry in the Imperial Top 10 and now looks down from the lofty postion of Nr 5 to beauties like Nikki Dial and the aforementioned Raquel.

L'Amour

But I'm digressing (again!). "L'Amour" is one of the better Angel tapes out there. A 1984 production, it is also one of the first Ginger Lynn films. I have elsewhere said how ravishing Ginger looked in her not-so-distant youth and how sad her present demise. This movie is another proof of that. The stellar cast also includes Shanna McCullough being her usual bubbly, charming self, Kay Parker (rather showing her age here) and from the Fellas, Harry Reems, Tom Byron and Jamie Gillis.

This could have easily been a 4. The stars are there, the plot is OK, the camera work is very nice indeed. Unfortunately the pairings are unimaginative and the sex rather brief compared with the plot segments. Not even the presence of an Angel RC can remedy these deficiencies. As it is, "L'Amour" is a solid rental but not a particularly memorable outing, unless you are an Angel fan (which you should be :-))

Rating: 2.85

Tower of Power

The other Angel tape reviewed here, "Tower of Power", is decidedly hotter in sex but has a rather inane plot. Still, Annette Haven and Angel in the same flick! (though unfortunately not in the same scene). McCallum directs, and does it in his usual competent way. Angel is in two scenes (with John Leslie and R. Bolla) and Annette in only one b-g with Herschel Savage. Overall it is a worthwhile rental but again one wonders what might have been.

Rating 2.90. Prime material for girlfriends: no g-g scenes, and if your SO doesn't find a couples scene with Annette inspiring, you might need to check her pulse :-). That woman is incredible; I have seen so many movies with her but she never ceases to amaze me with her talents. Her movements are pure choreography. Some women are living, walking works of art and we have been very fortunate to capture one such lady's more intimate moments on film.

After an Annette scene I find it impossible to watch modern crap; I can't even watch Angelica Bella, and that says a lot!

V. The Hot One

McCallum directs Annette and John Leslie (a legendary pairing or what?). The plot is the very popular in the 70s premise of "Trouble in Marriage-land". This time no one is frigid, don't worry :-). It's just that poor Annette's old mum used to be a prude and imparted on her pretty head that sex is dirty. So a backlash is only natural don't you think? Off goes Annette to a double life of prostitution in the mornings and upper class conformity in the evenings. But John will catch her, not to worry :-).

Heavy on drama and full of Annette this film, though certainly not a 4, is a definite keeper. The quasi-NC "marital rape" between Annette and John just exhudes sexual energy. A classic. Features Kay Parker in a non-sex role.

Rating: 3.45

Anal Encounters 6

This one's going to be short. Want to see PJ Sparxx take it from behind? This is your big chance. Peter North is the culprit. The scene is brief and very average; PJ is extremely nervous before the act and too uncomfortable during it for the scene to be enjoyable. Hell, she gave me the impression of a frightened animal throughout the flick (she is also in a g-g scene with lotsa rimming). I felt sorry for her - ergo no hardon :-)

Rating: 1.90. Better than Raven's outing in No 1 of the same series.

After Eight

I don't hide the fact however that I like to watch anal scenes. But I prefer it to involve seasoned pros, preferably Europeans (or Vanessa Chase for that matter). "After Eight" is such a resource. A Moli-directed Magma feature, very obviously the brethren of recently-reviewed "The Olympus of lust", it once again features Lynn Le May, Debbie Van Gills, Sunny McKay (not present in "Olympus") and a load of French boys n' girls including Lynn's amazing French geezer with the tremendous cumshot (this fella amazed the shit out of me with his North-like endeavours in "Olympus"). Very nice Euro movie, with 2 DPs and other anals (none with the three big stars however) and a veritable ton of RCs (and with Sunny and Debbie this is indeed a valuable asset). Rating: 3.00. No girl-girl scene but unsuitable for girlfriends (unless she's into DPs, in which case I'd like to meet her :-)).

Gorgeous

The title refers to the pulchritudinous Zara Whites but also to her lovely co-stars, KC Williams and Angela Summers. Of the fellas there is the usual allotment: Wallice, Byron etc. etc. Nice little one-day wonder, complete with rushed production aspects and "Hi, let's fuck" premise. Still, the girls are one hot lot. Ms Whites, rising in my esteem daily, is in two b-g scenes. By far the best moment of the movie is the mff outdoor action between KC, Angela and a fella. Quite good chemistry between the girls and a lot of breast-play (i.e. resources are not being wasted).

This last statement sums up the flick's merit. Nothing fancy, but no waste. I appreciate such honesty: rating 2.75

Speaking of Ms. Whites and Ms. Van Gills. Is it just me, or does Holland deserves a special award for its contribution to our pet hobby? Think about it: Zara Whites, Silver, Debbie Van Gills, Deidre Holland, Sylvia Kristel (for the softer-minded) PLUS superb netters as well. Is there something in the water, I ask :-)

The Lives and Loves of Nikki Charm

To conclude today's monster, kids, lemme review an old favourite: "The Life and Loves of Nikki Charm", is a Henri Pachard video starring (you'd never guess) Nikki Charm accompanied by a pleiad of big mid-80s stars (the flick dates back to 1986): Sherri St. Clair, Sheena Horne, Danielle, Jaqueline Lorians, Tom Byron, Paul Thomas, Peter North, Rick Savage and a couple more. I hadn't watched this for ages and I must admit that on second viewing it lost some of its lustre. Still it is a very nice rental. The plot is very cute and funny at parts (Dark Bros kind of funny) but doesn't get in the way of the sex: there are 7 scenes, incl. a twin one. Nikki is of course featured prominently and supposedly squirts in the final scene. I'd swear it's piss, but on second thought the action seems quite unexpected- the cameraman was almost caught napping. Furthermore the other girl in the scene goes directly afterwards and eats Nikki out; unless she had a particularly strong stomach, or Pachard was exceedingly heartless, I would suspect that it was NOT piss after all. Anyway, this is really in Steve's ballpark :-)

There is an anal scene with Sheri, but it's nothing exceptional. Overall it is still one of the better videos I've seen but I can't give it more that 2.80. The filming of the sex could've been better. Still, an honest effort to entertain. There is supposedly a Part 2 somewhere, featuring Tracey Adams and Herschel Savage as well, but I haven't been able to locate it for the last 9 years. Not that I have been actively searching of course, but I believe this phrase constitutes a suitably dramatic ending to such a major posting effort :-)


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Created: Saturday, November 04, 1995, 10:27:31 AM