The Imperial Reviews: Volume 18


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Fantasy Nights

I first saw that on British cable (no penetration therefore), so I decided to give the hardcore version a chance. It sucked on both occassions. The very reputable European director Lasse Braun ("Sensations", "American Desire") tries his hand on 90s American porn with very poor results. I think Henri Pachard is involved in this film as well. It doesn't help.

Victoria Paris is Samantha Strong's inhibited sister, and her idiotic inhibitions undermine her marriage to John "I can't actfor toffee" Dough. Do we give a fuck? Also in the movie are Jerry Butler, Jamie Gillis, Joey Silvera, Rachel Ryan and Viper. No real heat is generated in this boring movie, not even when Rachel takes it (yet again) up her prosterior fundamental orifice. A whole lot of resources are therfore horribly wasted together with several good premises for a titillating scene. For example, Victoria goes to the shrink, strips down to her underwear, is hypnotized and grabbed by the shrink and Rachel Ryan (his nurse) but that's it! I mean, get on with it people! If they screwed on that particular occassion I would be pleased enough to give it the 2.5 rating to justify a rental. As it is it's a 2.15. Rent at own risk.

A Taste of Angela

Angela Baron that is. Interesting compilation from the "Taste of" series. Being a compilation, it is not entitled to a rating (I can't condone compilations -they keep the actors' salaries low and they strangle feature film output); I can say however that it is quite decent as compilations go. Angela Baron fans should definetely check this out if they haven't seen her in a while, particularly since 3 of the 5 scenes of the movie present her in her original, unenhanced glory. Even though I generally like Angela, I can't say I am an expert in her endeavours, so this compilation was a very welcome revision, particularly since I can't remember seeing her before her boob (and other) jobs.

First off, we get two 3some scenes, featuring the later, remade, Angela version. One is with Victoria Paris and Randy West; the other one (I had seen this scene before - it's from "Made in Germany") is with Jerry Butler and Tom Byron. Both scenes suffer from looping (particularly the second one where the looping is a shameless mirror rehash of the whole scene!) and they are not shot very well. Still, the view of Angela plus Victoria in the same scene is exciting on its own (BTW which movie is that from?).

Then, we see a 4 girl scene. The group includes Nikki Knights. Not a particularly memorable scene. The whole rental price is therefore earned in the final 35 minutes of the tape: two b-g scenes, one with Tom Byron (again) the other with the always welcome John Leslie. I repeat that this is the "original" Angela Baron performing (yay!). Both scenes are very well filmed; there is a lot of spooning (only second to RC in my tastes), a lot of nice full-body shots and quite a bit of sweat. Nice. The scene with John Leslie in particular is (IMHO) a scorcher; John is very obviously turned on a lot by the hot European import and shows his delight quite openly. Even after he cums, he penetrates her again and pumps away for quite a while.

Overall, this is certainly worth the rental even for people who are not diehard Angela fans. Angela is a very pretty lady and, I believe, any red-blooded male should appreciate it. This is furthermore suitable "girlfriend material": there are no anals or other extremely raunchy deviations, and the g-g part of the movie can be easily isolated and FFed through (to mention two of the most frequent female reservations about male-oriented porn).

WPINK 3

More waste of resources: Taija Rae (sadly without her delightful extra pounds), Tracey Adams (herself without those annoying extra pounds she afterwards put on, and looking absolutely ravishing), Billy Dee, Tom Byron, Mike Horner, Shanna McCullough and others. Boring, poorly shot cheapo. Avoid. Rating: 1.90

Forced Love

No, no rapes here. The plot is completely inane anyway. The cast is OK: Sharon Kane, Lauren Hall (sporting quite a bit of cellulite I must admit), Randy West, Mike Horner etc. etc. A cheapo, but at least we get to see what's going on. There is a 3some with Sharon, Lauren and Randy West, definetely the highlight of the show. Still, my advice is "skip it". Rating: 2.40

Only the Best 3. Then Till Now

Jim Holliday has the job I would love to have myself :-). His movies and historical specials suck quite badly however. This is an exception: it's very decent and I might even say a must-rent for people unfamiliar with the Golden Age. It lasts for about 2 hours and is really two different films joined in one. The first hour is the typical Holliday review of the past: First off, there are 3 very interesting stag loops including the famous "Smart Alec" Kandy Barr one. Boy, was she voluptuous! Then we get a early 70s loop (I believe) called "Two babysitters and a travelling salesman", a very nice outdoor 3some; a scene from "Throat. 10 years after" with Harry Reems and Geogina Spelvin (I can't stand this woman; she does anal BTW in this one); the g-g scene between Kay Parker and my sweetheart, Abigail Clayton, from "The Health Spa"; and finally, John Leslie with Erica Boyer from "Nothing to hide".

Overall, a very nice selection. Then there is a section where Jim interviews Nina Hartley, the two Sharons (Mitchell and Kane) and Bionca, interposed with one scene featuring each performer. The Nina and Sharon Kane segments are very nice (I can't remember the names of the movies they came from). Bionca elaborates a bit on her -then- new pair of tits, a wonderful job (as tit-jobs go) if you ask me. Finally all five girls do a g-g on the set. Very lukewarm scene, they just go through the paces. Holliday can't direct, period.

Since this is a compilation, it doesn't get a rating. As I said however, it is definetely worth the rental. An excellent choice for an "insurance" second tape if you fear that your primary selection may suck.

The Spectacle

Such an unfortunate primary selection could be "The Spectacle", starring Sandra Scream and Savannah. Typical boring cheapo, recommended only for diehard Sandra fans. The camera work is not bad, so we get to see Sandra in all her glory: she is in two scenes one with another girl (a yawner) and a typically decent b-g with Woody long, including breast-fucking. No RC however. Savannah is in only one b-g scene and looks her usual sedated self.

Rating: 2.05.

Sindy Does Anal 1 & 2

While we are on the subject of Woody Long and his exploits, let's see how he performs with his other girlfriend, Celeste (he is obviously into big breasts :-)). These are very average videos, even by one-day wonders standards, although the cast is very nicely selected indeed. Celeste is teamed with the Euro import, Deborah Wells, in Part 1, and with Tami Ann and Misty Rain (unless my memory betrays me again) in Part 2.

Both the scenes that give the videos their name are very bad; Celeste indeed does anal from the missionary position, but the action is brief and the camera work absolutely horrid. Part 2 has no other redeeming qualities, so I give it a 1.75. Part 1 has a very nice 3some between Steve Drake, Deborah and Celeste poolside. Celeste only sucks (and is cummed upon), but we don't really care as we can see Deborah's hot body in its full glory for several long moments. I give this flick a 2.00.

Dial N Again

So, what do you do if you want to see a good Celeste anal? The answer is rent "Dial N Again". Nikki Dial, Celeste, Crystal Wilder, Brigitte Aime, Woody Long, Jerry Butler, Mona Lisa, Heather Hart. For once, resources are not wasted. We get to see Nikki in the first and last scenes of the flick, paired with Brigitte Aime and a guy respectively, and get to appreciate her stunning looks without having to freeze-frame the split second of full-bodied shot our usually incompetent directors leave us with. The camera work is good, and Nikki is absolutely gorgeous. We also get a rather boring 3some between Mike Horner, Mona and Heather, but disappointment does not last: Crystal Wilder is shagged and DPed poolside (I happen to like Crystal, so I liked the scene; it appears however that I'm a minority in asm, as Crystal seems to gross people out. Oh, well, I'm the reviewer, and I like her :-)). Finally Celeste does Woody and is taken from the back door and shagged hard. Plus, we get to see the action with no problem.

This is certainly a one-day wonder, but it's as good as they come. Rating: 2.85 and my recommendations.

Miami Spice 1 & 2

That's how high-budget flicks looked like before the advent of the pretentious plague (ya know, Blake, Grant and his ilk :-)). Not that this means that these 1986 flicks are that great either. The are a must-rent since they are the last films by the great Svetlana ("800 Fantasy Lane", "F", "Bad Girls", "Sex Boat") but she's certainly but a shadow of her former brilliant self. Still, we get a great cast: Starring in both flicks are Amber Lynn, Sheri St. Clair, Candy Evans, and Danielle. In Part 1 they are teamed with Barbara Dare (brunnette variant), Blondie (and Tony-fucking-Montana of course), Porsche Lynn, Jeanette Littledove (she of the zeppelin silly cones), Eric Edwards, Randy West, Robert Bullock. In Part 2 these people are replaced by Jonh Leslie, Stacy Donovan and Jennifer Noxt. We also get a good editor, sound mixer, good camera work etc etc. These are the real benefits of high budget production, not the presence of a Countach or a couple of speed boats.

Part 1 is IMHO inferior to the sequel. There is this famous "underwater blowjob" scene with Sheri, Amber and (of course) a fella (Randy West), but it's mostly a freak show and bored me to death. Though the sex ain't half bad, resources are being blatantly wasted throughout. Part 2 has Stacey in it, which by definition (my definition at least :-)) makes it more interesting. She is shagged in several occassions and from several angles, most satisfying of which is, yet again, the ol' spoons. There is a very nice 3some with Joey Silvera, Stacey and Sheri. No anal for Sheri (there's a surprise) but quite a bit of RC. Another highlight is a mini orgy with John Leslie, the delightfully cute Candy Evans, Stacy, Jeniffer Noxt and Danielle. Very nice, if you ask me. Amber is a bit underutilized compared with Part 1 which is a waste,. as she is one hot lady. But one can't have everything. At least we get a 4-guy-on-Danielle gangbang to conclude the film.

This ambitious effort manages to generate quite a bit of heat, particularly in Part 2. One can't help to think however of what might have been had Candy been featured more prominently, had Sheri done her usual raunchy stuff, in general had all resources been utilized to their maximum potential and to the level one would expect from Svetlana. Still, both movies are worth the rental, and Part 2 is even a very marginal purchase. Ratings: 2.90 -3.20

3 Wives

Another one-day wonder. Debi Diamond (shudder), P.J. Sparxx, Crystal, Teri Diver and another lass, plus the usual complement of fellas (Byron, Horner etc. etc.). This video harkens back to the glorious days when PJ did fellas, sometimes several in the same scene. The highlight of the show is therefore PJ doing 2 guys in the gym, a nice, hard shag overall. She also does Debi Gross later. There are two anals, one of which features (of course) Debi wondering aloud "What kind of slut am I? Tell me: what kind of slut?". Well, I don't know about sluttiness, but seeing her manhandle that poor orifice as she does gives me hemorroids telepathically.

Rating: 2.50

Legs

1985 video, starring Lois Ayres (Sondra Stillman), Keli Richards and a most lovely oriental lady, Dallas Miko. I'm generally not into oriental women (just personal preference, ok?) but those rare girls who combine an overall "white" body look with the exotic facial characteristics of the Far East, excite me quite a bit. A good example is Asia Carrera; this girl Dallas Miko is another; Kristarra wasn't bad either. Come to think about it, this is also true for the other kind of racial mixing, white and black: though I am generally not excited by "straight" black women, the mixed mulatto look is very hot indeed. Woof! I don't believe this is racism; after all, since I like cross-breeds, I must condone interracial relationships like mad :-)

Anyway, the point is: Dallas Miko is IMHO the highlight of the show. I have sadly not seen any other movies with her. Recommendations appreciated (yes, I will look up Videosan's database, I promise).

"Legs" is overall a very decent video. There is a DP on Keli Richards but it's not anything special. The 3some with Randy West, Dallas Miko and Keli Richards is definetely the best scene.

Rating 2.70


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Created: Saturday, November 04, 1995, 10:27:31 AM