The Imperial Reviews: Volume 17

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Imperator on Magma

Let's begin with a European jewel. I usually consider Magma productions (the company distributing the Moli "Bizarr und Extrem" videos) a bit marginal for my tastes. Even when I was still in Europe (not in my British years, mind you :-)), I usually passed on Moli stuff. Usually, such tapes are liable to contain fistings, watersports and similar stuff that do not appeal to me in the least. However I must stress here that Moli does an excellent job in catering towards his fan base. His product (which I have sampled four times, including today) has always struck me as consistent and respectful of the customer.

Take the box for example; Magma proudly announces in front that all stills (and there are plenty of those) are genuine shots from the film inside - and they do not lie. How many US companies can pride themeselves of the same thing? All right, all right, Mr. Collins :-). I'll grant you that Elegant/Evil Angel follows this practice (as does Vivid actually). But we'll all admit that this is far from universal. As a matter of fact the *American* tapes I've been renting in Europe all those years have better boxes than the US originals. More frequently than not, the import company puts several stills on the back of the box on its own volition. The Greek import companies are IMO the best of all in this respect. The Germans are also quite impressive.

Olympus of Lust

But I am digressing. Today I rented "The Olympus of Lust" by Magma and was delighted with what I saw. This hot little item features a constellation of very pretty ladies, led by U.S. star Lynn Le May. The other 4 ladies comprise two gorgeous blondes, one very attractive dark lass and a rather plain (IMHO always) dreadlocked black girl. The names are Debbie Van Gils, Gigi Feraud, Celine and Lola, though it is beyond me to put names to faces. Our esteemed Dutch colleagues are kindly requested to succor the imperial authorities, particularly with respect to their compatriot (I presume), Debbie Van Gils. I venture to tentatively identify her as the gorgeous blonde featured in the first scene of the flick as well as paired with Lynn Le May in the film's only girl-girl.

[Update 6/9/1995: Yep, that's our Debi. According to the esteemed PvA "She was originally a brunnette but bleach is cheap"]
There are seven scenes in this flick. Two straight boy-girl (no anal) with the two blondes; lots and lots of RC. The aforementioned girl-girl, brief and well shot (thank God. g-g's are by far the most easily bungled scenes). One 3some (2m-1f) outdoors on the pretty black girl, incl. face-up DP.

[Update 6/9/1995: The "pretty black girl" is in fact an early version of Tabatha Cash]
Excellent scene, tons of RC as well. A similar (indoor) setup with the plain black lady, culminating again in a (conventional) DP. Finally a 5-person orgy (3f-2m), mainly featuring Lynn Le May. Excellent shots of her tit-fucking sequences. She also does anal with a mature looking guy; I pronounce this fellow the European Peter North. The feats of volume and distance that Mr. North has so long delighted the world with are emulated by this geezer without any shame whatsoever. The Emperor stands astounded. Mr. Whatshisname repeats this feat in the seventh and final scene of the flick, again coupled with Ms. Le May. He screws her from the "spoons" position (excellent), then penetrates her anally from the same angle (whoa!), then tit-fucks her (holy cow! :-)) and cums on her face. Well, you must be aware by now, that the Emperor belongs to that rather despised minority who doesn't drool over facials; this particular outing can hardly be overlooked however: no less than 8 bursts, point blank, that leave Ms. Le May in a rather flustered (and rather wet as well) state.

The question for our Netherlandish pals remains: who's the stiff? There are 3 males billed, Phillipe, Richard and J.P. Armand. Again I can't put names to organs.

[Update 6/9/1995: Neither can Peter. I guess he is human after all :-)]
The Verdict: Run, run, run! Queue up and beg the guys at your local house of smut to get enought copies to accommodate all of you. This is a brilliant effort, in the best European tradition. Not as flashy as the Private Film series (it's a cheapo after all) but a bloody hot item nonetheless. Moli overdoes it a bit with the close-up (for a European) and so loses several marks. Otherwise a scorcher. A 3.35.

La Massaia in calore. i.e. the Housewife in Heat

This one is starring Eva Orlowski (no relation to Teresa), Rocco (billed as Rocco Tano here rather than Rocco Siffredi), Teri Weigel, Joey Silvera and a mixed American-Italian cast. There are some shots of the gorgeous scenery in Firenze, but all the action is indoors (damn!). The film is dubbed ... in Italian, though it is clear that half the actors speak English and the other half Italian. Italian is a piss-easy language, so you should have no trouble to understand the ... plot :-). If I may say so, if we are to suffer dubbing, let it be in gorgeous Italian rather than German :-)

This is a very good flick, possessing all the great European qualities, most notably an abundance of full body shots. It is basically a vehicle for Eva, a typically buxom, dark Italian lass. She is featured in no less than five scenes, two of which include anal. Lots of reverse cowgirl, too. Teri Weigel is in three scenes looking, if I may say so, damn gorgeous (that's before her recent zeppelin shaped -- and sized -- implants). Curiously enough she is very quiet -and I don't mean just because of the dubbing. She just doesn't open her mouth much (I will decline to make the expected lewd remark :-)), probably because she understands that dubbing will make all this yelling pretty meaningless. So there you go.

Rating: 3.05 Solid but not exceptional. Average by Euro standards, very good by American ones.

Interview with a Vamp

The box contains a vindicating (for us enemies of silicone) passage on the merits of natural bosoms. "If they shake, they ain't fake", Realistic Video informs us. Sure fellas, but I must say that it did struck me as a little ironic than the districutor of our Realistic crusaders is ... Anabolic Video (as in "anabolic steroids"? Unfortunate choice of name for a company that upholds the "staying natural" look :-)). Talk about putting your foot in your mouth :-).

Anyway, as a matter of principle the effort is commendable. From a point of view of execution however, the flick is a bust. The very inane plot, complete with lame vampiric bites and lots and lots of ketchup, takes way too long. This may come as a shock to you, Messrs. Realistic, but I believe we are shooting a porno here as in a SEX film. Sex -- get it? People fucking.

The filming of the sex scenes is also very weak; the film is shot with the cable version primarily in mind (you know, very distant full-body shots, followed abruptly by extreme close-ups). In the whole mess, the talents of the good cast (Asia Carrera, Alex Jordan, Tiffany Mynx) are wasted. Alex does anal too, but it is horribly shot. A disappointment.

Rating: 1.80

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Created: Saturday, November 04, 1995, 10:27:31 AM