The Imperial Reviews: Volume 16


Write to Imperator at imp@rame.net

RATINGS SCALE AND COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER

On this scale of 0 to 4, with a precision of 0.05:

COPYRIGHT NOTICE

This message is copyright (c) by Imperator, email imp@rame.net Anybody wishing to archive/redistribute my reposts and new reviews for non-commercial purposes can do so as long as:

Commercial use of the material without my express written permission is prohibited.


Vagablonde

The latest Janine film I was telling you about. Well, that was a free rental so I said what the heck. Janine is accompanied by Leslie Glass, Asia Carrera and April among other girls. I skimmed through this in FF since I was in a hurry, so I don't know shit about the weak (I bet) plot. You are warned, this is a Bud Lee lameness. Janine is extremely annoying. I am pretty much reconciled to the fact that she won't do men. Fine; I can certainly live with it plus I'm getting a bit sick of her (that may sound as sour grapes, but honestly I'd take Abigail Clayton any day -- even now at 40something). But in this film she tries to tease the viewer into expecting her to at last do it. Tom Byron thinks he's done it only to receive an ice dildo up his ass (that supposedly breaks off as well. Ha ha. How lame). In the final scene, John Dough fondles and squeezes (and kisses) a lot of Janine who even unbuttons (but not unzips) his pants. No, she does not come near a dick. The scene actually ends abruptly. I would not blame any Janine fan at feeling totally ripped off and screwed around with.

She does Leslie Glass and Asia Carrera twice, but both scenes are unfortunately very un-hot; I lay the blame on the Lame One's doorstep. There is also the standard girl-girl on the strip-club pole (this has been in what? 6 Vivid films? WE GET THE MESSAGE, GET ON WITH IT) between two other girls. Big deal. Asia does Tom Byron (prior to the ice dildo "jest"). April does a fella. She is your typical plastic blonde; pity that her breasts look so ridiculous, she is not bad looking at all. I'll grant Bud L(am)ee that his camera work in this scene is good. Some RC.

1 The Imperial Verdict: Yawn. FF. I should also feel a bit offended at Janine's antics but as I said, who gives a rat's ass? Rating 2.65 (the camera work is OK and the girls look allright, particularly Asia and Leslie). I had to put "Brief affair" on again to sleep well :-).

Stripper Nurses

ktrainork3@aol.com (KTrainorK3) wrote:

> "Stripper Nurses" got reviewed in the November '94 ADULT VIDEO NEWS. They  
> gave it 4 stars out of 5, complaining only about the makeup work and the 
> stripping scenes, both the scenes themselves and the costuming, and the 
> soundtrack.
> No complaints about the sex, though. :) Review was by Frank Lynn. 
> Hope this helps...
I must go back to compiling my list of upcoming reviews for asm. I saw this flick last month and I've just realized that I haven't reviewed it yet. For shame.

Well I can't remember everybody in the cast but here are some of the stars: Ron Jeremy (getting grosser every day), Debi Diamond (ditto- after all she takes old hedge up the butt -yuck), Angela Summers (her screen return according to the box), Tiffany Minx, Nina Hartley, Crystal Wilder. It's not a great movie, though certainly no disaster.

What bugged me a lot was the fact that it was shamelessly used as a vehicle for promoting the dancing careers of those girls. Now, I'm a pornster but I am not into the dance scene at all. Just as strip-club regulars would hate -I imagine-to be shown porn flicks instead of live dancers when they go to the club, I am likewise annoyed at seeing lots of canned dances in a movie that's supposed to be porn.

As for the sex it's not very bad. Debi does 2 anals (you'll have to FF through the Hedge one though). There is a 4 girl lesbian scene (bo-ring) and a little orgy in the end (lots of girls and one guy-Gerry Pike if I remember well). A lot of resources are being blatantly wasted, namely Tiffany and Angela (both are featured in the final orgy in rather lukewarm lesbian pairings).

Rating: 2.20. Don't bother with this one.

Body and Soul

Crappy Odyssey Group video (I am dissappointed by that otherwise very decent company). Starring Ashlyn Gere, Alex Jordan, Tiffany Million, Mike Horner, and sevral other, IMHO rather unattractive, people. I'll grant that the plot is tolerable, not much worse than your average crappy "Twilight Zone"/"X-Files" inanity (IMHO always). We could do with better sex though. The scenes with Mike-Ashlyn and Mike-Alex are as expected the highlight of the show, though nothing exceptional. Skip it.

Rating: 1.85

Those Lynn Girls

Old compilation of scenes with Amber, Ginger and Porsche Lynn. You get a good 3some on Amber by the King (I mean John Holmes, not me :-). Let's not get our monarchs mixed up) and Tom Byron; I believe that one is from "Dickman and Throbbin'". Quite hilarious lines. There is one of the Amber DPP's as well (with Byron and Wallice) but I can't place the original movie it came from. Ginger's segment is I believe from "Dr. Ginger", a passable series of scenes that include a mediocre anal (Jerry Butler is the culprit). The Porsche Lynn segment I could not place, but then again I am not a fan of Porsche (she grosses me out big time, even more than Debi Diamond). Good compilation, recommended for newbies in the works of Amber&Ginger. No rating (compilation).


Table of Contents | Part 15 | Part 17 | Copyright(C)


Created: Saturday, November 04, 1995, 10:27:31 AM