The Imperial Reviews: Volume 11

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Sandra Scream and Other Remarkable Mammals :-)

November 20, 1995. wrote:

> I saw the Tittie fucking thread go on by with only one response, so I  
> thought I would put my opinions on good tittie fucking videos into the  
> fire.  Hopefully this will generate a few more responses. 
Boy, I can't resist appeals such as this. OK boys, let's get off our lazy butts and help our fellow asm'er.

Even though my personal taste in women is more towards the petite and not overly curvy ones (including waifs -I find Kate Moss extremely attractive), I guess my Oedipodean urges are too strong :-) since I do appreciate a full bosom as well. Perhaps one of my top gripes in adult movies is the *terrible* waste of resources when breasts are concerned. Breast play is only a tiny fraction of the action (bad rhyme :-)) whereas, say the terribly boring cunnilingus takes almost forever. Breastplay should be also foremost in girl-girl scenes; sadly it's not.

Tit-fucking is also a very welcome addition to a movie. Since I don't care for facials at all, my definition of a good tit-fuck is based exclusively on the looks of the girl involved.

Blonde Bombshell

> * Blonde Bombshell - This movie only has one boob boffing scene with  
> Sandra Scream.  Personally, I think she is the best women out there for  
> tittie fucking because she seems always enthusiastic about it - "I want  
> you to fuck my tits and come all over me!" - But she says it like she  
> means it.  Anyway, the movie was not a total loss, just because of this  
> tit fuck.  Very nice, with lots of come all over.
[3/9/1995]: My review of Blonde Bombshell. Writtten sometime in Oct, 1994]
I found "Blonde Bombshell" on the dollar rack. I like Sandra Scream, so I rented it. Didn't regret it in the least. If you don't mind the inane plot (I don't) and the exclusively indoor scenes (well...this kinda sucks, but it's just a cheap video) this is a GREAT flick as cheap, mass-production flicks go. I suspect the director is a bit of a breast fetishist, for not only did he team Sandra with Nikki Wilde and Heather Hart, but he put Sandra's bosom in arguably its best use ever in a movie.

There is a lot of breast-play here. There is tit-fucking. There is a THREE girl scene, and all three girls have ample bosoms and spend a long time fooling aroung with them. There are also two 3somes (2 guy one one girl). Unfortuantely there is no anal to highlight the show, just a bit of rimming and brief digital insertion during the girl-girl. Overall this little video,which I suspect cost the producer peanuts, entertained me far more than either of the slick Vivid films. I appreciate this and give it a 3.00

I agree that Sandra Scream is one of the top performers in this area; actually she is IMHO one of the best full-bosomed performers in the business. She is always smiling (I like that a lot, not in order to fool myself that the woman is "enjoying herself" but rather because a smile makes the face of a woman even prettier), does reverse cowgirls all the time despite her size and is tit-fucked more frequently than not.

[Update 3/9/1995: For the record, Sandra's impressive bosom is the work of an extremely competent plastic surgeon. Her saline-sculpted mammaries are as exquisitely crafted as those gracing Celeste's front. I must say that such brilliant surgery does not annoy the emperor so much. It's the pathetic jobs like the one on the unfortunate Kelly Jaye -the famous "single tit with a slight crease in between" - that drive me nuts]

Breasts and Beyond 2

> * Breasts and Beyond (Part 2) - Also one with Sandra Scream getting the  
> papaya-pole.  Very nice, but not as nice as Blonde Bombshell. 
"Breasts and Beyond Part 2" is indeed an excellent example of a good Sandra Scream video. The plot involves Jon Dough being the head of a bra manufacturing company. Ron Jeremy is also in this one. Anyway this guy is breast fixated (surpriiise!) and sees breasts on everybody, incl. Ron (that was funny). At some point he wants to hire Sandra as a brassier model, but she being sceptical about his motives brings along an agent in the office; he is of course Woody (ob)Long. Well, the bra guy has this fantasy that Sandra screws the agent on the couch -reverse cowgirl and all- and for some reason kicks them both out (??!!!).

There is a cool exchange at the end of this scene:

Guy: Never mind. Scotty (Fox -the director) is shooting two videos next week and you can star in them.
Sandra: What kind of videos?
Guy: Never mind
Sandra: What *kind* of videos?
Guy: Trust me

I personally found it hilarious.

Good little flick. Rating 2.60

The Best of Breasts

> * The Best of Breasts - This is a compilation tape with a couple of  
> hooter humping scenes.  The most memorable is Candy Samples getting it in  
> the beginning.  It's been a while, so I'm not sure how good it was. 
Yep this is a good one. Actually the title is "Only the Best of Breasts". It features several big guns (terrible pun) of the genre, including a great anal scene with Teresa Orlowski.

> I have been disappointed many a times with big breast flicks as I usually  
> expect to see at least some tittie fucking... however, in most I've seen,  
> there aren't any... What a waste! 
A standard good flick with lots of tit fucking is "A trip down mammary lane" with Trinity Loren, Viviana and several other big busted women. Trinity also does anal, so that's an extra plus. Also Paula Price does tit-fucking and anal in "Operation anal storm". It's not a great movie however.
January 4, 1995

Eyewitness Nudes

The "plot" is as inane as the title suggests, but check out the cast: Raven, Sunny McKay, Sandra Scream, Madison, Taylor Wayne (pre-boobjob), Patricia Kennedy, Tera Heart, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron, Joey Silvera, Wayne Summers. This mindless little video boasts a ton of very hot scenes. Nothing extraordinary in terms of repertoire (not a single anal); still, the camera angles are excellent, the girls look gorgeous (even Madison, who, as a rule, grosses me out), and all scenes are quite lengthy. First, there is a rather lukewarm b-g with Sunny and the rather creepy Wayne Summers. Once the crap is out of the way we can settle down to enjoy a series of excellent scenes: Madison and Taylor do Marc Wallice poolside -great sequence. Tom Byron does the majestic Raven, Marc Wallice screws the very cute Tera. There is some looping in that last scene, fortunately of the good, full body, shots only. Thenm we get a great 3-way girl-girl with Sandra, Madison and Sunny poolside. Nice scene, as g-g scenes go, lots of smiles and laughs (I love to see smiling ladies rather than hear those ridiculous pseudo-orgasmic moans). The sixth scene is another great 3some, this time between Joey, Raven and Sunny. The seventh (!) and last scene is between Marc and Patricia Kennedy, and is rather boring.

So, there you have it. 7 long scenes, two of them outdoors, a great cast, and lots of nice full body shots. As solid a video as I have seen. Rating 3.10

BTW Raven looks just like Andie McDowell. I rented "4 weddings and a funeral" along with the porno and I was struck by the similarity. It also ruined my enjoyment of the mainstream flick: I was always expecting Andie to tackle out and start screwing Hugh Grant :-)

With Love, Annette

When I rented "With love, Annette", I knew I was in for a treat but after the viewing was through I was left with a sinking feeling in me. It's not that the movie is bad; it's superb. It's just that seeing how great X-rated films were back in the 70s, how terrific the stars and how naturally looking and classy the women, drives an old porn lover such as myself to resignation. "With love, Annette" is a compilation of Annette Haven scenes, introduced by a very clean-cut, sober and composed Jamie Gillis. I could not believe that this was the old thug, dressed as he was in a suit and being clean shaven :-). The scenes included are top of the crop: The 4some from "8 to 4"; the opening scene with Paul Thomas from "Brief Affair"; the seduction of Richard Pacheco in "Summer of 72"; another b-g with PT as well as a 3-g scene with Lisa DeLeeuww and Nicole Black from "Ladies' Night"; two scenes from "Memphis Cathouse Blues" - a bj on Mike Horner and a great 3some with again Horner and Danielle; this scene is particularly notable since it features Annie -cocksucker extraordinaire as we all know- giving a tutorial on the "first-timer" Danielle on proper BJ technique. But best of all, 2 scenes from the remarkable -and extremely rare- "A coming of Angels": Annette with John Leslie and then the famous 3-girl scene with Annette, Lesllie Bovee and the gorgeousness that is Abigail Clayton. Annette comes through in all these her well known lovely and classy self. As Jamie very well put it: "Whatever Annette did, she was always the lady".

No rating, since this is a compilation but an absolute must for seasoned old-timer and beginner alike. Girlfriends should also enjoy it.

Stepsister: Sinderella, Part 2

I was fortunate to have watched "Stepsister: Sinderella, Part 2" before the classic, otherwise I would have been too biased against it to give it a fair review. It's a decent movie, a Paul Thomas movies go, with a great cast: Raquel, PJ Sparxx, Savannah, Randy Spears, Derric Lane (of course). Nothing away from the ordinary and at times quite boring, yet worth its rental if only for the usual Vivid technical merit and the principals' good looks. The absence of a girl-girl scene, makes this a possible green light for girlfriends watching the ole smut flick along with the fellas. Rating: 2.50


Finally the movie that has filled me with optimism for the industry again. Robert McCallum's "Erotika" is a 1994 high budget production, shot in film and letterboxed (!!!). Whatever I say about this film is not sufficient to fully express my appreciation. The -- unfortunately quite plasticised -- cast is led by a gorgeous Samantha Strong who, though she now sports a pair of unneseccary implants, looks as good as ever IMHO; she is supported by Rebecca Bardoux, Nikki Sinn, Jonathan Morgan, Vince Voyeur, Buck Adams and T.T Boy (who is far from his usual obnoxious self). The technical aspects are also superb. The film quality is excellent, the camera work, photography and editing are flawless. Given that most of the scenes take place in the great outdoors this says a lot. Sound is acceptable (better than Andrew Blake's anyway), with music in the outdoor scenes and natural sounds in the indoor ones.

This must have been a 5 or 7 day shoot, for the film is shot in 4 different locations: LA (were the studio scenes were presumably shot as well), Northern Cal, the Nevada desert and France (Paris and Riviera). The setting is gorgeous, particularly the waterfall scenes in the N. California location.

The film lasts for 100 FULL minutes. The plot, centered round Samantha's tortured life with her father and her emergence as a photographer for erotic magazines, is admittedly weak, but the sex scenes are long, satisfying and brilliantly filmed. Samantha Strong is of course central with 3 scenes: a terrific fuck with Vince Voyeur in the waterfall, an OK girl-girl with Rebecca Bardoux and a brilliant scene with Jonathan Morgan in the end that includes anal. Also great is Rebecca doing T.T Boy in the desert, and Buck Adams doing Nikki Sinn (incl. anal) pooliside. Finally there are two scenes (one boy-girl between two people I cannot recall, one girl-girl with Porsche Lynn and another girl) that are fine but certainly overshadowed by the other four.

McCallum directs as if I were the one who scripted the positions and camera angles, i.e he accomodates all my pet delights :-). The shots are mostly full-bodied sprinkled with just the right amount of close-ups. There are some *great* positions; reverse cowgirl is as expected there (yeah!), but there is a great variation in angles and rythm that makes even the ole missionary work you up in a second. McCallum is decidedly less inspired in girl-girl however; his lesbian sequences are rather ordinary. Too little breast play for example, even though Samantha's wonderful resources are available. His camera angles remain perfect though.

There are 3 anal scenes (to my mild surprise Rebecca Bardoux's was not one of them): the one with Nikki Sinn is OK, as is the one between the couple whose names I cannot recall. However, the highlight of the show is as expected, Samantha and Jonathan Morgan. This is a terrific ending in a terrific scene (that concludes this terrific movie). Jonathan wears a condom but the action is clearly filmed with full bodied shots, the sound is the original, the moment of penetration is shown and the rythm is breathtaking (at least it was for Samantha ;-)). It doesn't last long (the scene was pretty long overall) but it's certainly great to see a big star utilized so well (compare with the wonderful Ashlyn Gere anal in "Two Women" and the disappointing Angela Baron one in "Back in Style").

I think that all scenes end in some sort of facial, but then again I'm not the best authority on facials :-)

Overall I am impressed. This is far better than anything that the highly touted Blake has given us (with the exception of "Secrets" which was fine and comparable to "Erotika"). Blake may have a better cast, but McCallum wins in sound and sexual heat. He honestly tries to entertain the audience (when a 65 minute inanity would be enough to guarantee him profit), is not pretentious as Blake and utilizes existing resources perfectly. Actually almost so; if he included a 3some or two this would be a resounding 4. As it is, I give it a 3.70 overall ("7 into Snowy" got a 3.75, so you can see my appreciation :-)) and heartily recommend it to raincoaters, girlfriends and stag party organizers alike. If you can spare the 50 bucks, this one is a keeper.

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Created: Saturday, November 04, 1995, 10:27:31 AM