The Imperial Reviews: Volume 9

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Unbelievable! A new (1994) release actually worth the rental. A video with 4 pairs of natural breasts out of 5. I am amazed and delighted.

Putting It All Behind, No.2

I am talking about Intropics' "Putting it all behind Nr.2". It stars the gorgeous Norma Jeane, Asia Carrera, Teri Diver, Marc Wallice and more. It was the cover that got my attention. As I have said before I have recently quit checking out the "New Releas es" rack in my local store, out of disgust for the plastic tits epidemic. But Norma Jeane on the cover beckoned most enticingly. So for once, ignoring all the maxims that a long experience in renting porn have forced on me, I let the cover convince me; it turned out I was extremely fortunate.

Norma Jeane is (allegedly) an important model (according to the box "the real life model for all those gorgeous Olivia cartoons" - I may be missing something here, but then again I am only a poor, ignorant foreigner in exile here in the US :-)).

[Update 6/1/1995. OK,OK so I *was* told what those Olivia cartoons are. Please stop sending me explanations :-)]
She is certainly not in the prime of youth ( make her about 30something) but is absolutely gorgeous. Her body is amazing; ample, real breasts, lovely legs, nicely rounded curves, not too many muscles (which turn me off). Her face is quite pretty (a dou ble chin is a notable flaw) with cute short blond hair and enchanting eyes. I don't know about you fellas, but she turns me on like hell! Plus, she takes it up the butt. What more can a pervert desire?

Anyway, the movie is very decent: first, a Fella with long hair (again!) does a brunnete with a very flat chest (hooray!). Then Norma Jeanne does Asia Carrera (drool-drool). Real tits galore. Then Marc Wallice does another blonde, with fake tits [3/7/ 1995: Teri Diver], but the sort of Victoria Paris implants; i.e an implant layer next to the ribcage and the real breast over it. Not bad actually. There is then another scene (with anal) between two people I do not recall, and finally Marc Wallice does Norma Jeane, anal and all. Wow.

Rating: 3.15. There are only 2 problems with the film: one, the pairings are very standard (4 boy-girl and one girl-girl). Let's have a 3some now and then people! Also the camera work, while acceptable, is obviously arranged to accommodate a "cable " version, so the explicit shots are mostly close-ups. If these two drawbacks were absent I would have given it a 3.75. Put an outdoor scene and seriously court a 4. Intropics, are you listening? :-)

8 to 4

Now there's a nice porn flick. Annette Haven, Lisa deLeeww (I hate this name), Loni Sanders, Herschel Savage, Aunt Peg and more. Well, for once the title IS relevant to the plot of the film. This is indeed a spoof of "9 to 5" (with Jane Fonda, Dolly Part on etc). It's a great movie: the plot is cute, the principals superb (if I could marry a porn star, that would be Annette; pure class. Or perhaps Abby. Or perhaps Angie. Hmmm, Islam suddenly acquires a never-thought before appeal :-)) and the sex is HOT. This film is very notable for having a mmf scene with Annette (actually it's a mmff with Juliette Anderson popping in and out of th e action); it unfortunately is Annie's only scene :-(. Still, there's more good stuff: Veronica's scene with Herschel S. (once again her only one :-(), Lisa's pairing with PT and her g-g with Loni are all great sequences.

Rating: 3.35. They sure don't make stuff like that anymore.

7 Into Snowy

Well, they don't make masterpieces like this either.The 1977 classic with Kay Parker, Paul Thomas and the unbelievably beautiful Abigail Clayton. Man, this girl is too good to be true. This modern day retelling of the Snow White fairytale is one of the best SF porn has ever offered. It is just superb, excel lent material to view with a girlfriend. Nice plot, good soundtrack (Mozart!), good camera work, brilliant outdoor sequences. And add Abby to all that!

Rating: 3.75 (a 4 if you are enchanted with Abigail -which you should be).

[Update 3/7/1995: From a January 11, 1995 exchange] wrote:

> I've been meaning to ask this for years, but always forgot when on the net 
> until now.
> I saw a version of 7 Into Snowy that was very disappointing in the 
> ending scene.  But I saw some reviews that raved over the ending. 
> Were there two versions?
> The version I saw was very hardcore, but the ending was pretty lame. 
> Did it just get cut?
Um, yes. At least I believe so. 7 into Snowy was one of the first movies I ever saw, underaged and in an old style movie theater. You can understand that back then the fledgling Emperor did not have time for notes such so what I will now say is strictly from my (usually poor) memory.

The VCA re-release (the video tape you can rent today) is identical to the film up to the final scene, i.e. when the Magnificent Seven come in. As I remember they do several things to Abigail Clayton (yum) that could be nowadays described as non-consentu al. So the scene got axed to the pitiful 100 seconds you can see now. [...]

Even so, "7 into Snowy" remains a superb tape and a definite keeper. The plot remains cute, the soundtrack is lovely and the outdoor scenes on the surf are breathtaking. The 3 girl shower scene is also a classic. I will not go on to rave about the adorabl e Abigail Clayton 'cos I know the good asm crowd must be getting sick of my drooling :-). It's not a 4 (*she* is a 10 :-)), but is definetely up there with the best.

[Update 6/1/1995: Of course, a certain Netherlandish Master claims that the movie may not be cut after all, and that the last scene was just plain badly edited. I personally still have my doubts. No wonder if PT ever gets in the group he may resolv e this Great Unanswered Question]

Imperator on Abagail Clayton

[Update 3/7/1995: More Abby stuff]
[From a private exchange with the esteemed (Frans Postma) in January 1995]
> > > I have been busy viewing older movies (most of them recommended by  
> > > Peter van Aarle), including a movie where Abigail Clayton  
> > > has a very short scene, much too dark-lit though (title: Seventies  
> > > Spirit of Sex)
> >
> > The Spirit of Seventy-Sex. Haven't seen it. What do you think about 
> > Abby? Isn't she just adorable?
> Probably, DO NOT rent this movie for that scene only. (granted Anette Haven 
> is also in it, so it can't be _that_ bad (in the movie not in the same 
> scene))
> The scene she's in is very badly lit (most of the film is, but's 
> a film->video conversion from 1976...what do you expect) and you don't get 
> to see her that good. But I think I'm going to track down that movie _7 
> into the snowy_ I think you mentioned Abby was also in that one. (and in 
> more than one scene)...
Yes, "7 into Snowy" is her best effort (plus she is the featured performer). Kay Parker is the other star of this flick. Abigail also rocks in the brilliant "A coming of Angels", evidently a Charle's Angels spoof. Check out the cast: Abigail, Annette Have n, Lesllie Bovee, John Leslie. The 3-girl scene is a classic. Also great is "The Health Spa", again with Kay Parker. Abigail sadly made only 16 or so feature films before she retired. If I ever get my idle butt going to start writing these features on the history of porn, there will be a lot of Abby stuff as expected :-).

If it's of any use, Snowy is released by VCA.

[3/7/1995: From a November 11, 1994 post of mine]
I was skimming through my old Playboy collection and to my delight I ran across many little references to the adorable Abigail Clayton (she was a SUNY graduate in fine art, was De Renzy's production assistant for awhile and other similar tidbits). One of these (actually it's the review of "7 into Snowy") states that "Abigail Clayton [...] now filming a major film in Italy with Marcello Mastroianni". The issue is (I think) Feb 1978. I may be wrong on the month but not on the year. I will check.

[3/7/1995: The esteemed Director let the hounds loose on this one, but they have not come up with the name of the movie (if it ever existed)]

Hustler Video Magazine: Volume One

A friend of mine gave me this old tape to review. It was a compilation of old scenes -belonging to some tapes of his collection that were busted beyond repair. Now, in there is this "Hustler Video Magazine" or something, vintage 1982-84 at most.
[Update 3/7/1995: This is indeed "Hustler Video Magazine 1"]
The two scenes that really stand out are firstly Bridgette Monet (Dana Cannon), Dave Cannon and another girl [3/7/1995: Now that I think about it, the "girl" could be Bunny Bleu] doing a threesome in a locker room. The second is a DP with Ron Jerem y, Tom Byron and a very attractive blonde whom I can't recognize. The premise of this last scene is that Tom Byron is the brother of the blonde and Ron is the boyfriend; Ron and the blonde are watching this porn flick on TV with Jamie Gillis and a brunette who can tie her labia in a knot (gross!). Tom wanders in, and guess what? They all end up doing the old deli sequence. Can anybody ide ntify this movie and -more importantly- the blonde who gets DP'ed?

[Update 3/7/1995: The honourable members Connoisseur and PVA have pointed out that the blonde is named Shantell Day; she reportedly only did two movies: this, and "Every Woman Has a Fantasy"]
No rating, of course.

Camp Beaver Lake

My friend's tape also had a more recent Bobby Hollander video: "Camp Beaver Lake". Basically a bunch of unknowns (who the hell is Tracy Duzit?); I only knew Crystal Breeze, Brandy Alexander (note the suffix), Billy Dee, Paul Thomas and Steve Powers; how ever there are about 15 more actors in the video. It's not a great video, but there is anal (quite good actually) and ALL (but one) of the scenes are outdoor. I rate it only as a 2.55 (i.e slightly better than your average shitty rental) but note that Bobby missed a great chance to shoot a pervert's classic: outdoor scenes, a pool, a 20-strong cast. That should have been one hell of an orgy. It's not. Damn!

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Created: Saturday, November 04, 1995, 10:27:31 AM