The Imperial Reviews: Volume 4


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RATINGS SCALE AND COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER

On this scale of 0 to 4, with a precision of 0.05:

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Carolyn Monroe DPs

Carolyn Superstar

Yep, the American siliconated quasi-Marilyn. Moved over to Europe and got top billing in several big features. She does anal almost everywhere (eg with Rocco in "Constat d' Adultere" -cool scene-) but I have seen her do only 2 DPs; both were exceptional. "Carolyn Superstar" is the one of which I know the title. Very impressive scene, the ass dick looks humongous. Good grief Carolyn.

Tits Practice

The second one I saw in Greece, and the title of that tape is naturally untranslatable :-). [3/3/1995 update: I recently came across this feature here in the US; it's called "Tits Practice" and is released through Magma]. Carolyn is the only big star I recognized but, as usual with Euro features, the other gals are fetching as well (particularly the one who prtrays the nurse- see below). Anyway, there is this doctor, see?, and this guy screws his patients -up the butt as a rule- in order to cure their ailments. The male patients he doesn't screw, but sportingly lets his nurse do it for him. In any case, here comes Carolyn along with hubby to get her back pain fixed. Surprisingly enough the good doctor deems the problem to lie in her lower digestive system rather than her lower back, and hence after some feeble attempts at massaging her, he reverts to the well known practice of probing the guilty orifice. Hubby is not annoyed at all but lends a hand -or rather some other part of his anatomy- and Carolyn ends up performing some novel exercises at stretching. The scene is very good; camera work and position selection make it very hot. The DP is rather short but thoroughly enjoyable.

Rating: 2.90

Magma productions (produced and directed by Moli) are not bad as a rule but they can be a bit dodgy; some have incredibly beautiful women, some dogs. The raunch level however is consistently tremendous. In Europe these flicks can sometimes include subjects the US considers taboo (fistings, watersports, 17-year olds). For this reason I tend to pass on the series (not my cup of tea). In the US the flicks are as usually released with the heavy stuff removed.

Angelica Bella Tapes

Anal Europe: The Fisherman's wife

US release, her only in this country. Frans Postma (I think), reviewed that a while ago. She is in two scenes, one anal with Tom Byron (from the forward cowgirl position no less!) and one 3-way (incl. DP) with Silvera and Byron. Good flick.

Rating: 2.75

Ha, I found a slice from Frans' review:

> ##Fishermans Wife
> Dino, Raven, 1994
> Cast: Angelica Bella, Sierra, Alex Jordan, Heidi Cat, Shawnee Cates 
>       Tom Byron, Joey Silvera, Woody Long, Steve Drake 
>
> . Angelica Bella, Tom Byron [anal]
> One the better scenes in this movie, very long blow-scene and a short 
> rev-cowgirl (while standing). Angelica does anal, off course :-) 
> Watch her eyes while she's blows Tom, very nice...:-) 
There is an Anal Europe II flick out, but my store doesn't carry it.

War Games

Angelica Bella plus a load of Germans. Premise is AB is an army seargeant, the platoon consists of girls (what did you expect?) and army drills are just that :-). AB does 2 scenes, last one an orgy with DP (nice) Average euro movie but -of course-miles better than the shit we get here in the States. Just the abundance of exterior scenes puts it in a different class from its counterparts here.

Rating: 2.95

Heidi-X, Part 6

Guess what this is all about! Cute premise (at least I enjoyed the idea of bucolic orgies), plenty of exterior scenes, attractive performers (Angelica Bella and Deborah Wells are the two well known ones here). Angelica's only scene is a -poor-DP. Still the movie is watchable. AB stars in Part 5 two, but I haven't seen the flick.

Rating: 2.80

Memories of a Lifetime

(It's called "Viva Italia" in France and something unpronouncable in Germany :-)). Mario Salieri directs, so this is interesting by definition. Unfortunately Salieri sometimes forgets that he's shooting a fuck film. He has his personal agenda in indicting the Mafia and corruption of Italian politics but, more frequently than not these plots are rambling and tiring. This movie is no exception; it's something like 35 minutes into the flick before the sex starts, and these 35 mins are not the best drama I've seen either.

On the other hand Salieri is very good when the sex -finally- gets started. His lighting is usually impressive and his camera angles impeccable. In this movie he has the raw material to work as well: Zara Whites, Deborah Wells plus Angelica of course. Angela doesn't do DP, which is a surprise, but she still performs her trademark anals (usually RACs) by the bucketload. The best scene of the flick is a 3some with Angie, Zara and a German guy: AB is riding the guy in RAC and Zara sucks those breasts. Yesss!

Rating: 3.05. Could've been better, but still is a superior flick.

Dr. Angellica

This one is with the late Moana. I think this is also by Salieri. 3 AB scenes, no anal unfortunately. Girl-girl with Moana, 3some with Some Fellas (TM), orgy at the end of the tape. She is rimmed and ass-fingered but doesn't do anal. Damn. Moanna and another attractive brunnette do DPs. Good movie. Rating: 2.90

[Update 5/28/1995: Both Frans Postma and yours truly have come across this same flick in its German incarnation: it is produce by Dino and its German title is "Cosmic Clinic". Be advised]

Kinky Villa

[Originally posted on Jan 6, 1995]
Now for the good news. There is a new Angelica Bella NTSC tape on the market. All faithful rush to your local house of smut. It is "Kinky Villa", a Cristof Clark movie I saw in Europe last year. Now it is here for the benefit of our American viewers (at least those based in Philly). This is one hot feature. Unfortunately its rating plummets from the heights it deserves because old Cristof pulls a Paul Thomas, i.e. he abruptly stops the video after 80 mins, no doubt to keep the rest for a part 2. Other than that this is, as I said, searing hot. I could not identify the actresses (other than Angela of course); the opening sequence lists Angela, Fiona Van Cleef (duuuuh, what a dumb alias), Isabelle Adorata (that's better :)) and "more boys and girls born for porn" [sic]. [...] The flick is dubbed in German, so I don't know shit about the plot.

All the action is outdoors. Hooray! All the gals are drop dead gorgeous. Yay! All the Euro advantages (RCs - with or without anal insertion-, natural bosoms, full body shots as the rule rather than the exception, smiles) are present. No DPs unfortunately. I won't go through each and every scene (go rent the movie) but will just say that there is one 25 minute long segment that seared by eyeballs. A fella does an extremely pretty chestnut-blonde haired lass (incl. RC), Angela joins and makes our pulse double. Both gals do RC with anal insertion and there is a tremendous amount of breast play (which I like). Great scene. Also of note is the scene between a pretty brunette with large natural breasts and the gardener. Very nice bounce during the -obligatory- RC.

Anyway, to cut the (very) long story short, go out and rent this NOW. [...] Rating 3.35. Could be higher but for the shameless chopping at the end.

Hot Season

[Originally posted on February 13, 1995]
Oh yes, another Angelica Bella flick in the old US of A. I actually had to tell the people in my store to put in on hold for me - Angelica is getting popular! It is very obviously the twin of (recently reviewed) "Kinky Villa": the cast is almost identical, but unfortunately still impossible to identify apart from Angie. It is entirely shot in the countryside and Cristoff Clark makes a very decent job with the videography. The sex scenes are somewhat mechanical though and even the final orgy is little more than 4 couples side to side -no interaction. Still the girls are *gorgeous* -we all know about Angela but the rest of the gals are no dogs either. Only Angela does anal and the like -that was a surprise. She is perpetually in the RC or RAC position and is so unbelievably gorgeous I had to switch off the VCR every now and then and pinch myself to check that I'm not dreaming. If you disregard her rather short calves she has probably the best face and body ever to appear in porno (and that includes Abigail and Annette), and puts many mainstream sex-godesses to shame. Oh boy. Plus she does DP. Do that first, Ms. Sharon Stone, and then come back to claim "sex symbol" status :-)

Rating: 3.10. Cristoff is wasting resources, but since there are so many of them he still gets away with it.

Screamers

[Originally posted on Dec 18, 1994]
Goulash production with Angelica Bella on the cover. Yep, it's Angie, back when she was still Gabriella Dari and doing amateur crap in Budapest. This is another hilarious video: though I didn't understand a word (the language was either Swedish or Hungarian but I wouldn't know for sure) I smiled more than once. The hero, a Swedish tourist in Budapest, strolls sround wearing a Viking helment with a little Swedish flag sticking on top. There's also an American tourist with a cowboy hat and a little American flag. It's fun; Angelica even sucks on one of the helmet's horns :-) She is only in one extended scene, looking gorgeous as ever. No RCs or anals but not bad. Rest of the video sucks loudly.

Rating:2.50 (for Angelica fans, a 1.90 for others)

Bad Girl and Bar Job

These two once again feature Angie and a bunch of unknowns doing extremely raunchy things under the direction of Cristoff Clark. Both videos are inferior to the other two Clark films I reviewed ("Hot Season" and "Kinky Villa"). The action is now indoors and Angela's sidekicks are not that terribly good looking any more. Still we get compensation by having Angelica in every single scene of the flick, perpetually with a dick up her butt. I must say that half of Angie's appeal is the fact that she looks very into what she is doing. She is probably faking it, I know, but seeing such an incredibly looking young woman moving and writhing as she does is incredibly arousing. Plus she smiles all the time: a naughty grin that gives you the impression that she's really letting you in her secrets.

Oh well, I am now drooling like an 18 (or 80) year old :-). Still, what a subject to drool over.

Only DP is in "Bar Job" and is very brief. Overall, both movies are excellent rentals but my advice is to keep your purchase money for something better. Rating: 2.75 for both of them.


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Created: Saturday, November 04, 1995, 10:27:31 AM