The Imperial Reviews: Volume 3


Write to Imperator at imp@rame.net

RATINGS SCALE AND COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER

On this scale of 0 to 4, with a precision of 0.05:

COPYRIGHT NOTICE

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(Update 2/13/1995 -This review comes from a April 21st post of mine. I have embellished and corrected it and also added a rating)
I'm not into facials, but it's great fun to see one of those certified cum-dodgers like Tracey Adams or Danielle Rodgers being frustrated by an overreaching Peter North load.

Example:

The Passion of Heather Lere

Crappy Ron Jeremy movie (thankfully he is only directing -horribly-) but including Heather taking it anally from Randy West; the scene isn't worth all that much (the original sound is drowned underneath a wave of Corny Porno Music - TM) but I guess the novelty of seeing Heather doing the nasty justifies the rental. In another scene Danielle Rodgers being screwed by His Voluminousness; the scene is quite hot, lots of spooning (rapidly becoming one of my favourite positions after RC and RAC). Peter apparently enjoyed it a lot (can't blame him) so his pop-shot was more vigorous, even according to his high standards. Poor Danielle, on her back when the moment -and Peter- came, averted her face in terror and tried to avoid the coming torrent (wow, I'm being poetic tonight!) but old Peter (at the point stradling her chest) sent a powerful and extremely accurate salvo all the way to her right EAR. Danielle wasn't particularly pleased, but all the lads watching the flick were.

Overall this movie is a very marginal rental. Heather Lere is one hot lady, but if she is not filmed well her rather common (IMHO) face spoils the magic created by her amazing body. This movie casts her in this unflattering light. The novelty of the anal scene (one of her very few I believe), as well as Danielle's rare scene with someone other than old Randy Spears justify a 2.45 rating (2.60 for staunch Danielle R. fans).


(2/13/1995 - the segment below is from a post discussing Ashlyn Gere's alleged "retirement" -- ain't true of course. I have only kept the review of "Elements of Desire". I have added info and updated the ratings)
Article 25725 of alt.sex.movies:
From: an44791@anon.penet.fi
Reply-To: an44791@anon.penet.fi
Date: Mon, 16 May 1994 09:21:28 UTC
Subject: Re: Ashlyn, MIA? (+ reviews)

[...] 

Elements of Desire

The new artsy, Blake-style flick starring Julia Ann, "Elements of Desire" (this "Desire" suffix is getting old: we have "Art of", "Images of", and now "Elements of"), ain't half bad. I have said before that I absolutely *hate* Andrew Blake type films (Secrets being the only exception) but this was not as horrible as I expected. As a matter of fact the sex is decent: there is a passable girl-girl between Celeste and another comely lass whose name escapes me, a mediocre girl-girl between Dyanna Lauren and Julia Ann, a decent b-g between Woody Long and Celeste poolside, another het scene with Julia Ann (a good one- reverse cowgirl and doggie style, plus a finger in the butt - not bad!); another girl- girl but I have forgotten who the principals are; a threesome between Shayla Leveaux, Julia and the guy who screwed Julia in the scene decribed above (fat bastard- my selective memory overlooked his name :-)); finally a het scene with Tiffany Minx, including a 5 second anal shot (don't blink, it may be over as soon as you refocus your eyes :-)).

Overall this "new Andrew Blake", Cameron Grant, has done a decent job with photography and is not as pretentious with visual effects as I feared. As is usual in such films the girls are very attractive, even though Julia Ann looks too artificial (boob job, nose job, all very prominent). The sex is decent even though too much emphasis is given on girl-girl scenes; penetration shots in het scenes only last for a few seconds (I'm not kidding- the threesome scene only features six or seven thrusts in Shayla and none in Julia). Still it could have been worse.

Rating: 2.90. However, since 90% of the asm regulars are Blake nuts :-) I will rate it in comparison with Andrew Blake's crap so you will get a better idea.

See also: The Director Reviews... Elements of Desire

Malibu Spice

For a really GOOD sex flick with decent cinematography, try "Malibu Spice" instead. De Renzy film (this man has never shot a bad film), with gorgeous stars: Ashlyn (only one scene unfortunately), Jeanna Fine, Moanna Pozzi (in great shape), Miss Pomodoro and others. Good sex (2 anals), cute-ish plot, shot in film. Value for money. Rating 3.05

Forbidden Bodies

For hot sex scenes but in the usual seedy, crappy surroundings, in video, rent "Forbidden Bodies". Old (1986) film featuring Candie Evans (post-implant -sigh- 1 scene with Randy West), Janet Littledove (1 scene with Buck Adams), Keisha, Buffy Davis (same scene-threesome with anal for Buffy) and Elle Rio (DP by Ron Jeremy and -naturally- Marc Wallice). There are two more het scenes; I have forgotten (again :-)) who the lady is but the guys are Herschel Savage and Tom Byron. Decent film. Rating: 2.80

(2/13/1995: A segment from a July 3 posting, with a few new additions)

The Mating Pot

starring Bionca, Debbie Diamond, Nicole London. Recent release on video; not bad, not great either. The premise (a "Love Connection"-type show that would make Newt cringe) is very cute. The sex is either mildly interesting or has Debi Diamond stretching her holes in the usual frightful way (I FF'ed this). Final scene includes a DP on Bionca by Marc Wallice (of course) and another guy who barely moves throughout the act. The whole scene is of average-to-lame quality but the DP is genuine. Rating 2.40

Princess Seka

A 1980 release, starring Seka, Serena, Samantha Fox et al. Rather bland for a classic, and with poor filmography. The only interesting part is Serena's "DP" - Connoisseur take note. She is "raped" (you know, the typical porn fare - at start the woman protests but then claims to love it) and DP'ed. The scene could be fake; a supposed anal on Seka in a prior scene is definetely fake, and there is also a simulated DP on S. Fox on which they show no penetration scenes). The Serena scene is a bit clearer and my judgement is that it is genuine. Overall movie rating 2.35


Article 12636 of alt.sex.movies:
From: an44791@anon.penet.fi (Imperator)
Date: Sat,  9 Jul 1994 06:16:13 UTC

The New Barbarians I,II (two tapes)

Are you a Victoria Paris fan of sorts? Are you ashamed to admit it because everybody seems to think her an overweight, frigid bimbo? Well there are a few videos out there that will allow you to walk with your head high after you've watched them. Try Pachard's "The New Barbarians I,II". 1990 production, features Victoria, Sabrina Dawn, Sharon Kane (in II only), Nina Hartley, Jon Dough, Randy "article of faith" West, Randy Spears and a bunch of other comely lasses (includes Lauren Hall in a non-sex role-damn!). Well, both videos are fun. II has hotter sex but nothing wild (no anals, dp's etc -I never check for facials as I am not a fan of the genre). Good stuff for people like myself who hate pretentious asses like Andrew Blake but are unimpressed by the quality of the raunchier American stuff (Ed Powers and like). Good looking performers (I *really* like Sharon Kane), fun story in a farcical sort of way, decent stuff throughout. Good for couples, without being horribly boring like Femme stuff. I enjoyed them both and rate them 2.85-3.20 respectively. Good rentals, part II is even a marginal purchase for Victoria fans.

Beauty and the Beast

First time I watched Paul Thomas' "Beauty and the Beast" was by cable (ouch) in England (ouch-ouch). So I rented it again for the 4th of July weekend and had a thoroughly enjoyable evening. Tracy Adams (thinner variety and looking gorgeous), Nikki Knights, Alicia Monet (yum), Mike Horner, Jerry Butler, John Leslie among others. That's a GREAT video. PT does the odd masterpiece now and then, before he floods us with crap again. As I said this video is fun. The story is very funny at parts, the sex is thoroughly decent, if a bit mild; also the lovely Alicia Monet is not featured as much as she deserves (she IMHO looks her best ever in this flick). Your girlfriend should enjoy it as well (hell yeah!). Another good "couples" alternative to Blake's bollocks. Rating 3.20

(Update 2/13/1995. Re: "Beauty and the Beast, Part II". As expected from a sequel, this is far inferior to the original. The addition of Victoria Paris is useful but the absence of Alicia and Nikki from the original cast is sorely missed. PT reverts to his usual horrid self. Rating 2.20)

The Smart Ass

What a waste of resources. Krystina King, Rachel Ryan, Rayne, Peter North among others. Might have been great- is horrible. What a waste of great looking actors. Kystina's anal is short and poorly filmed. Rating 1.10.

The Naked Goddess, Part 2

Speaking about waste of resources, there comes old fart G. Damiano and gives us a series of Moana anals that eventually become extremely boring (Moana looks thoroughly stoned). A girl-girl between Moana and Steve Kao's sweetie :-), Flame, starts great and is CUT in the middle. Stacy Nichols is billed but only gives a BJ to a very unreal looking cock, evidently a plastic thingy. Only good scene is gorgeous K.C Williams doing Buck Adams and taking a facial (I remember that- she is way too pretty to forget). Overall OK stuff, could have been better. Rating: 2.25 (2.40 if you are nuts about KC -can't blame you there)

(Update 2/13/1995: Re: "Naked Goddess Part 1". Better than the sequel as expected, but still rather uninspiring. Moana undergoes a DP. Barely worth the rental: 2.50)
Enough. Hope to find more time in the future to resume my futile competition with the Dunbar juggernaut :-) Oops, which reminds me:

Juggernaut

Don't be fooled by the box, it claims Paula Price is in there but she is nowhere to be found. Otherwise it is decent, if unexciting fare. Paula's sis, Brittany, does Danielle Rodgers; Danielle does Randy Spears; Raven Richards does somebody; Jon Dough (in ridiculous mask) does some girl. Yawn. Rating 1.20


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Created: Saturday, November 04, 1995, 11:23:28 AM