The Imperial Reviews: Volume 2


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>Article: 15525 of alt.sex.movies
>Newsgroups: alt.sex.movies
>From: an44791@anon.penet.fi (Imperator)
>Date: Tue, 25 Jan 1994 07:49:09 UTC
>Subject: Reviews and the Video Store from Heaven (MONSTROUSLY
LONG) 

Voices in my Bed

Let's start with a recent one, "Voices in my bed", a Vivid production on film, but not directed by Paul Thomas. Features Ashlyn Gere, Melanie Moore, Nikki Sinn, Deidre Holland, Tom Byron among others. It is written by Ashlyn and apparently attempts to emulate "Realities" in that it is supposed to contain Ashlyn's fantasies (yeah, right!). Like "Realities" it is a very frustrating movie, particularly if you contemplate what might have been. The filmography is odious: the incompetent director attempts to emulate that other imbecile, Andrew Blake, but manages to sink into new lows. We get grainy picture, bad sound, absolutely horrible camera angles, mostly close-ups, "erotic" visual effects (basically a lot of dry ice obscuring an already fuzzy picture). The sex isn't much better either. As usual with Vivid productions it's very lukewarm. There is a decent scene between Deidre and Tom Byron and a promising girl-girl 3some between Ashlyn, Melanie Moore and Nikki Sinn (I think) that could have been better presented however. That's about it. The much hyped triple anal gangbang on Ashlyn ("triple" in that all three guys do anal on her, not a TAP) is absolutely botched. Can't somebody tell those guys that we already know female anatomy and that we care little for 3 minutes of close-up? Sigh.

I will not go into the subject of Tom Byron getting fucked by Ashlyn with a strap-on. I don't like such scenes, I FF'ed it but I can deal with it :-). I will not include this factor in my final verdict.

Rating: objectively 2.50, I was upset from the waste of resources and gave it a 2.00.

The Wild One

On the other hand we have a movie that promises little and delivers more: "Wild One" starring Danielle Rogers, Brianna Rai (Heather Lere), Raven Richards, Julianna A'more, Randy Spears, Eric Price and Jerry Butler. This also has a cute-ish plot on the sibling rivalry between Eric and Randy as they try to win the affections of the lovely Danielle. The nice thing however is the no-nonsense sex. There may be no anals or DPs (I personally don't care much for facials so I can't remember whether there were any) but the scenes are nicely filmed, the lighting is as good as it can get in a video production and the sound is the "original", or at least it is very well dubbed. All scenes involve actors who range from good-looking to gorgeous (IMHO always) are nice and long, but not too long, and there is a lot of variation in the sexual positions.

First there is a girl-girl between Danielle and Brianna, a totally outstanding scene, if not for the actual sex then at least for the principals' good looks. There are two decent, but not great, couples scenes one with Eric Price- J. A'more and the other with R.Spears- Raven Richards and an excellent 3some with the two ladies above and Jerry Butler. The video comes to a close with a twin scene between Danielle-Randy and Danielle-Eric Price; when I say "twin" I mean two independent scenes presented alternatingly, not a 3some (unfortunately). Even so they are both great scenes (reverse cowgirl with Danielle Rogers-WOW!).

Rating: objectively 2.85, 3.25 if you are a die-hard Danielle Rogers fan A thouroughly enjoyable flick. BTW did I mention that in all scenes all principals are *completely* undressed? No stiletto heels, no stockings, even the guys kick the disgusting habit of keeping their white socks on (sheesh!). I think they do keep their watches on though; you can't have everything.

PS. Is it only me or is Eric Price particularly incompetent in holding his orgasm? I have noticed that it is at most one or two minutes of penetration and then *pop* (not a great one for that matter). This movie is particularly unfair to him as his scene alternates with Randy's and his inadequacy contrasts badly with Randy's outstanding endurance.

Crossing Over

This is a rather weird Henri Pachard movie that borders in what we call in Europe "bizzar", featuring as it does a hermaphrodite -real or affected I cannot say- and a gay guy (there is no m-m intercation, just this guy is screwed by the hermaphrodite in the film's last scene). Now before the flames start I wish to say that I have nothing against gays or bizarre porn fans and that it is perfectly allright by me for video stores to stock these movies. It is just that not being a fan of the genre I would prefer it if there were SOME indication on the cover, or that the box were consigned to the "Bizzare" section as they do in Europe.

[Update 5/29/1995. I was in error; the blurb is rather clear on this matter. I can't take back what I said since it's already been posted, but I *can* apologise - and I do: I'm sorry.]
Apart from this matter this is a very nice movie indeed. The cast is impressive: Moanna Pozzi, another Italian girl named Ava, Jeanna Fine, Rocco Siffredi, Sharon Kane, Zara Whites and John Dough. From a technical point of view is very nicely filmed. The sex is quite nice as well though I felt that the scenes that should have been extended (i.e. the scenes I liked :-)) suffered so that the bizzare stuff would be shown in its full glory. That said there is stuff in here to make you hot: a nice g-g between Moanna and Sharon in (you'd never guess) a toilet, a decent orgy in the end with Moanna and Ava doing anal, and an excellent scene between Zara Whites and John Dough with Zara, very athletic as always, sitting perpetually in the very flattering RC position.

Rating (VERY subjective): 2.85

Legend III

This one stars Ashlyn Gere, Sandra Scream, Raven, Ashley Nicole. Forgive me, for I have forgotten all the male leads. You know it's a case of forgetting which one of the "standard" male actors starred in which film. It could have been anyone (I think that Mike Horner might be one). I am certain though that His Voluminousness Mr. North wasn't in; *that* I would have remembered. Anyway, this is a good solid flick in the usual "2 scenes for each principal" format. We therefore have a couples scene with Sandra (good), a girl-girl with Raven and Sandra (could have been better), two scenes with Ashlyn one of which is a 3some that includes Raven, and a nice boy-girl with Ashley Nicole.

Rating: I really expected to watch crap when I rented this but amazingly enough it is decent stuff. I rate it anywhere from 2.70 (if you mind the absence of anal etc) to 2.90 (if you don't).

See also: The Director Reviews... Legend III

Nothing to Hide 2: Justine

I will not review this as Jammer (I think) posted a very nice review about a month or so ago. I would just like to say that that I am surprised it is regarded as such a bloody masterpiece by almost everybody. True it features yummy Roxanne Blaze, and true it makes a brave effort toward pursuing a decent plot. But the sex did not impress me in the least though it was very well filmed (Paul Thomas is improving). I found it a bit too predictable; also the orgy was very short and a big disappointment in general (a 3 second close-up cannot be called an anal *scene*; a flash perhaps, but not a scene). In any case it is a good film but far inferior to "Steamy Windows" (both the DeRenzy and the PT version).

A Dirty Western

It's been years since I watched that, but since there has been some interest in rape scenes I will say a few words on that. Well, it is NOT an nice film, even if you don't mind the idea of rape as I do. The filmography is as I remember horrible (anatomical lessons once again), and when it is not it is a close up on the ugly face or hairy rump of the head rapist. Oh and BTW I don't remember any sodomy on that as the rape list claims but I could be wrong. My advice is to avoid it unless non-consentual stuff really gets you off. But even then you could watch "Pretty Peaches" instead of this.

[Update 2/8/1995: This is one of the only 3 movies that starred the luscious Barbara Bourbon. As such it may be of some historical interest to diehard classics fans. For a better taste of Barbara try the infinitely superior "Private Afternoons of Pamela Mann", with Eric Edwards, Jamie Gillis and Georgina Spelvin starring beside her]
[From a December 29, 1994 post]

The Private Afternoons of Pamela Mann

[...] I recently saw the "Private Afternoons of Pamela Mann" for the first time after a *long* time. It is a VCA release now and, if memory serves, it is shamelessly chopped as well. You see there is a scene somewhere in the film (so I recall from my original viewing) where the lovely Barbara Bourbon is picked up in a street by two of her servants (Jamie Gillis and a woman) and is "forced" to have sex with them (the whole thing is strictly "roleplaying"). This scene is walloped out of the video copy similarly the Magnificent Seven segment of "Seven into Snowy" is now reduced to a pitiful 2 minutes. Unfortunately, unlike Snowy, "Pamela Mann" suffers from rather poor camera work during the sex scenes (huge genitals effect), so the cut leaves a rather sorry corpse of a porn movie.

Overall the film is a classic, though the plot gets a bit repetitive after a while and this, along with the excessive use of the closeup, kinda spoils the fun. No rating, but certainly this is not to be missed if only for historical purposes. Barbara Bourbon is a fox, and since she only made 3 films you might want to check her out. Be warned however; if you are feeling horny, you might want to get another tape for "insurance".


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Created: Saturday, November 04, 1995, 10:27:31 AM